To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

[Workingclass]

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

Can I ask if you're middle class and your son had longish, scruffy hair...why is that? Is it a conscious choice? If so, why? Because he looks super cute & he will have a lifetime of short back & sides. I do like to dress him in nice casual clothes, scandi brands but that’s because I like colour. Most of his uniform is 2nd hand and it’s the same for his peers.

And it must be about what they regard a priority for their child and the association that dirty = poor.
Clean/designer = well cared for child and family must have enough cash.

Dunno, mate. I'm a teacher. Professionally, that makes me 'middle class' I suppose, if you must put a label on it. I like my house to be tidy (it generally isn't though ) and my child to be clean and look cared for. I hate clutter and mess. I have friends who are very clearly 'middle class' and their houses are always immaculate... I think it just depends if mess and clutter bother you, regardless of class.

My favourite line on this thread is "class consciousness is awful" that appeared on page 1. Marx is turning in his grave . I don't think that poster knows what 'class consciousness' really means.

A friend got her hair cut as she didn’t want to wear it in a “mum bun” and fern judged for it. I told her there’s nothing wrong with mum buns; I wear one all the time. She laughed and said that I won’t get judged for it, as I live in a big house. Strangely, I knew what she meant

It's like teenage girls...the middle class ones manage to put their hair up in a messy bun with loose strands all over the place but the working class girls scrape theirs back without a hair out of place...commonly known as a croydon face lift!

Coming from a very WC area and now living in a very MC area this is something I notice on a daily basis. Outward Appearances just doesn't seem that important to mc parents (which is fine). Mc children in old tatty unmatching clothes, which look like they've been passed down from the 80's, Unbrushed hair, and obvious home done haircuts seem to be the rage where I live! The few wc and traveller children at my dc school always look immaculate- what looks like clean shirt on every day, shiny shoes, cute hair bobbles etc. I've observed that mc parents also look scruffy imo, like they've just rolled out of bed- hair unbrushed, coats I would wear to walk the dog and they're on their way to professional jobs.
My opinion is that mc parents just don't care about appearance as much, have nothing to 'prove ', probably confident in who they are. I regularly get asked by other (lovely) school mums if I'm going somewhere special because of my (professional) appearance - no I'm just going to work

I think it's because they're all too busy on mumsnet to remember to brush their kids hair 🙈

MissWilmottsGhost
Or there's multiple middle class looks but with certain overlaps.

E.g. It might be common for middle class parents not to buy lots of quick fashion and to not spend a lot on branded items or pay a huge amount of attention on their children looking immaculate. It may be more popular in middle class circles for children to look a bit more 'just been playing' vs 'dressed up neat'.

Some won't care too much about clothing, having ploughed their money into other areas and aren't that into appearances.

But other middle class parents (probably the types who would be appalled at other parents dressing their children in brands) will do the whole curated middle class look, all carefully selected from the right ranges at jojo maman bebe, joules, Boden etc. To those in the know they are class marked because others who do the same thing can bond over how much they also love the unisex leggings with elephants on, but they paired it with the dotty top rather than the stripey one.

Television, the number, the size, how frequently they are upgraded etc says something about an individual and it's nothing to do with class or wealth. In a similar way, I think, to cars in the mid-luxury bracket.

What does it say? I have the huge faux pas of a (small) telly in the bedroom but I drive a 2nd hand Volvo xc90. My mum had a telly in her bedroom & used to drive the classic Volvo estate. I’ve just turned into her!

I've always said the same thing! You watch programmes about rich families and the kids look like scruffs and their clothes are awful the more expensive they are. Definitely not the only one to notice this

Education, confidence, priorities. The MC always find their tribe, it doesn’t actually matter what they look like.

The English MC will spot a dropped consonant long before they worry about mid-matched clothes.

I think it's a thing. The richest kids in DS class... are the scruffier ones. Most of the estate kids are immaculately turned out

I do buy new clothes for them though...I tend to go through the drawers and see what gaps there are. If I can't find suitable on eBay I hunt out a code and buy new.

I think MC still very much play to expectations and rules

Agree. They might think they are breaking the rules too. Just like everyone else!

I remember in the 80s my parents and their friends tutting about the nouveaux riches. I think it made them even more determined to stay in their battered cars and worn out clothes. There was a class divide within the MC.

I think there is definitely a class divide within the MC. I'm not sure I'd entirely say it manifests it as a determination to stay in battered cars and worn out clothes. But there is a 'thing' there.

Something about these threads makes me feel very uncomfortable, I suppose it's the things people think but do not say thing

I get what you mean. There is another Mum at DS's nursery who I think of as 'John Lewis Woman'. Her daughter is turned out in exactly the same manner. I can't help it. Every time I see her I just think it. I would NEVER dream of saying it out loud to anyone. But I still think it. Whether we want to admit it, everyone judges and susses out others by their appearance, at least initially. I'm sure she's lovely and nice - she's always friendly - but frankly I do feel slightly intimidated by it. I don't see her as 'part of my tribe' even though I'm terribly middle class too. She's middle class in a different way, which isn't 'my way' if you get what I mean.

Yes- definitely different variations within the middle classes. But still distinguishable from the true working class or aristocracy.

There's a lot of silly judging on here.

An inverted snob is just as much a bigot as a posh snob. Both bigots and both insufferable bores.

My son is s bit scruffy, as am I. I'm your stereotypical slingy, 'mama' in many respects. If someone judges me for that I hope they tell me to my face ASAP so I can avoid the bigoted little fucker in future

@flossietoot All fur coat and no knickers means a poorer person pretending to be from money. Is that what you meant?

There is a certain sub segment of Middle Classness that despises the expenditure of time, money or effort on children’s personal hygiene and clothing. It is a ridiculous affectation that is adopted by those who haven’t got an awful lot of MC signifiers except their lineage.

Am on page 4 and enjoying the mumsnet sociology lesson. Love a good class thread!!

Now my DC are 24 and 20. When they were small they had scruffy play clothes. But, they were always clean. DS had longish floppy hair, DD had longish clean but often tangled hair.

Then DS started school and had a No 2 cut by yr 1. DD learnt fast that her hair would be conditioned and fine combed every day. We learned fast that nits didn't give a flying fuck what class the dc were.

As per a previous poster, I didn't give two hoots what the hv thought. She was a bit of a twit who had no business in our lives.

DC are still very clean but not interested in designer in the slightest.

OMG! Someone wore a hat at the table, A HAT!!!!

impossible
But like it or not people do make judgements. It doesn't mean hating someone. It doesn't mean you can't see past your initial impressions and judgements.

It's only on MN that I've come across people who'll claim any opinion othet than glowing praise or silent indifference is the worst sin on earth and they could never bring themselves to even think something about another person or situation.

The WiFi- yes- I meant that some more working class people who don’t have a lot are drawn to expensive clothing to look like they do

I honestly never thought of this before, but yup! We are, I guess, considered middle class, due to where we live, our house etc and we are quite laid back, not scruffy per se, but I think our little one is going to have the scruffy referral look about them!