To be disappointed in my sons?

[Helendee]

I have four adult children, three sons, one daughter. Eldest son and daughter both have two children each and two other sons are married and engaged with no children yet.
Sadly my four are not really close at all despite all living near to each other although my children who are parents meet up quite regularly and the other two boys are quite close.
The problem is that neither of my child free sons bother with their nieces and nephews, either time wise or with giving presents and yet they give presents to their wife/fiancée’s nieces and see them regularly.
I know my son and daughter are both quite hurt by this and I think they would like me to say something but I really don’t think it’s my place to do so. I am really sad they don’t bother but I love my kids and don’t want bad feelings with any of them.
Could I ask you wise people out there what you would do. Thank you.

Get a grip. I thought you were going to say two of your kids were druggies or something. Is that it. You have four good kids it is not a crime to not want a relationship with nieces or nephews. Maybe they prefer a different life?

Men are complete savages where civilisation, manners, celebrations, ceremonies , occasions and festivals are concerned. They genuinely would live without acknowledging Christmas, Easter, birthdays or anything else on the calendar.

On the other hand, they would wither, pine and dwindle were these things not observed. I am afraid that they are ‘wimmin’s work’ and need to be kept up or life as we know it will die.

Spend their money on presents, cards, flowers and acknowledgements and make them take part.

It just means we are in charge and serves the lazy gits right.

Invite them along to come shopping for presents for their nieces and nephews closer to the time of birthdays/Christmas.
I bet your bottom dollar that it is your sons GF buying the gifts for the nieces and nephew and not your sons.

I'm not sure as the mother of all concerned you should get involved, it may cause agro.
I have a similar situation. My brother doesn't bother with my grandchildren. He did with my daughter though. He doesn't have kids but is married. My sister does. We don't live near any of them. I am confident if they or I really needed something he would help out. The relationship between my dd and the extended family has broken down somewhat, her doing although she can't see that. I won't say anything though, it's not worth getting upset about.

Stay out of it. Man thing. They’ll probably take them to a football match one day. And will be heroes.
Remember my ex went shopping on Xmas day!! When kids were little. Bought some toy cars from corner shop. They said their best present! I was miffed having spent lots of effort etc. Now I just chill.

Gosh, in my experience the kids received gifts from everyone in the family, male and female alike. My two brothers adored their niece and nephew and were proud to be their uncles. Believe it or not, there are men, even single ones, that like children!

I’d talk to all my children pref at the same time - boys/men are usually pretty hopeless at present buying but why should they get away with not doing it just because they’re boys/men lol!!!

I'm from a family of 4 kids and we are good terms generally but not dead close - I know I could rely on them but I wouldn't ring for a chat etc. However my mum always askes if we had bought the nieces and nephews presents and has even added to the presents I've bought if they didn't look good enough. She doesn't expect us to spend loads - £10/15 and not to buy for each other but she realises when we all come together at Xmas we will be upset if our children are left out so she manages the situation.
None of us have ever been offended by this - we're now all over 40 .

My husband has one brother. They aren’t close at all. They of course love and care about eachother but they are totally different people with different interests in life. No point in trying to force a friendship. Also re gifts, I have loads of nieces and nephews and I buy presents for them he has 2 nieces but I believe it’s up to him to buy them gifts (he doesn’t) I will however pick the girls up clothing throughout the year if I see it and think it’s cute.

However my gift giving for nieces and nephews is ending because I spent hundreds on gifts and wasn’t thanked by the parents or children which just makes me think they are unappreciative.

My youngest brother (Married but no kids .. yet) is not the slightest bit interested in the nieces and nephews and he makes that clear. He unfriended my SIL on FB as he said he was sick of seeing posts about their kids. I think he prefers my kids and I still love him

Honestly, I would keep out of it.

I have 3 siblings and 5 DN’s. 3 of us live locally to each other and can go weeks and weeks without seeing each other/speaking to each other. No backstory, no bad feeling, it’s just the way it is. If any of us were particularly bothered then we would make the effort to change things.

Other sibling lives abroad and I can go 12 months without speaking to them, quite easily. Again, no backstory, just nothing in common with them.

Just because they’re related it doesn’t mean they have to be a big part of each other’s lives.