I’m in South Africa for a holiday with DH and DC. No family here but a friend. Today at the beach the waves were strong. I got knocked over by one and my knee gave way with a loud snap. I tore my anterior cruciatr ligament (ACL) 15 years ago when someone skied into me and had a reconstruction - it tore again some years later and I needed another. The way the knee sounded and hurt and not being able to stand on it made me really worry that I’d torn my ACL again.
DH helped me stand up and hobble over to our towels on the shore. He then said “we’re not going to A&E”. He was being slightly lighthearted but also totally serious. He said that’s because we went to A&E our last holiday due to a hand fracture I turned out to have.
We took the kids to get some dinner before heading back to our rented flat. As we went home on the bus, my knee became increasingly painful and in my view was swollen. DH said “oh shit” when I told him I was in pain and seemed angry. He said he was upset that I may have injured myself. He was caring but when I said I wanted to go to A&E he seemed to shut down, which he often does. He thought it was in my “best interests” not to but to get back to the apartment and rest and decide tomorrow, as it was “highly likely” that I wouldn’t need treatment and that the hospital wouldn’t be able to do anything. And the kids needed to get home. He thought I was being unreasonable going.
He’s not a doctor. I was angry that he’d - yet again - put what he thought should happen above what I did. He thought I should wait to the morning. When we got off the bus I told him to take the children home and I would call my friend to take me there. She didn’t answer. I said I’d take a cab. He said he wasn’t leaving me but he didn’t want to take the children to the hospital as that wasn’t in their best interests, so it was “an impossible situation”. He wanted me not to go. I said I was in considerable pain and I strongly suspected it was torn, and that I couldn’t believe he wanted to override that. We had a huge argument at the bus stop, in front of our kids 
They wanted to come to the hospital. Eventually we all went in a cab.
The triage nurse sent me to wait to see a doctor. My family stayed with me for a while but I sent them home so the kids could go to bed. My friend eventually called but had been drinking so couldn’t drive over to see me.
My DH said again while here innA&E that he hadn’t wanted to go to A&E as we went on the last holiday. I said I didn’t realise there was a quota, regardless of whether someone needed treatment or not 
I am so upset that he wanted me to delay hospital treatment to the next morning or, better yet, not seek any. I am so livid and heartbroken by his irrationality, callousness and rigidity (again) that I put my friend and not him as my emergency contact and told DH I’d let the kids know how I was getting on but not him.
I strongly suspect he is on the autistic - one of our children is - and so does our ASD child’s psychologist and the couples therapisf we used to see. He agrees that he has traits sometimes but when pressed will deny he has it and refuse to seek a diagnosis or accept that some of his thinking and actions are, er, different and frankly come across as selfish and uncaring. He says he was worried about me, just felt it was much better for me if I slept on it and decided on A&E in the morning. I said that wasn’t his decision to make.
We’ve had a lovely holiday so far but I am so down with him not respecting my opinion and thinking it’s aporopriate to think he knows best. I’ve been waiting for hours to see a doctor and, apart from my children who have been so sweet and caring, I feel utterly alone. AIBU to think he’s BU?
AIBU?
To be angry & upset that DH didn’t want me to go to hospital?
ThisWayDown · 26/12/2018 13:04
@Lunde gosh, I counted myself lucky because I already knew walking around with a ruptured ACL could damage the cartilage and strain the other ligaments so - although I didn't know for sure what had happened and just had 'a feeling' - I was adamant I was going nowhere when my DH suggested I just try to see if I could ski along for a bit but had no idea it could be as bad as that. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience as it confirms no one should risk just "soldiering on" or "manning up" with a knee ligament injury 
Sometimes you just know. I got out of bed and my foot/ankle hurt. Ignored it and carried on. Drove to a&e about 5 days later to see the OOH, they said it was fine as I was weightbearing and not swollen but have an x Ray anyway
My dad said I was wasting their time. He wasn't impressed when I rang him to collect me as my foot AND ankle were broken in several different places, I had a cast on and had to be none weight bearing on crutches for 8 weeks
I also drove myself to OOH with "back pain". That would be a giant herniated disc that turned into cauda equina and needed a 5hr emergency spinal op
OOH again - they came out clutching a nebuliser. I wondered who for. That would be me, with pneumonia
My doctor is and said my self preservation skills are shocking
Thank you for the recent posts - some great advice and kindness which I really appreciate. And Lunde 
I’m so sorry for you and that’s put the fear into me.
I’m very down about my knee today, more so than I’ve been at any time since the accident last week. We fly home today and I’m having real difficulties with the travel insurance trying to organise an upgrade. The airline will give me the bulkhead but no complimentary upgrade. Problem with economy bulkhead for 25+ hours of flying (two flights, short stopover) is that as my leg is in a rigid brace, I can’t bend it so especially as I’m short, it doesn’t touch the floor and sticks straight out. I need something to rest it on to support it as I can’t sit there for that long with my leg stuck straight out. So I’m trying to get an upgrade to business class where they have beds. But it’s mean staying up really late last night to make expensive phone calls to my travel insurance in the uk and emailing them docs, as they said they would look into arranging an upgrade for me. They’ve asked for consent to see my past medical history in my medical records from my GP but haven’t said whether they can sort the upgrade or not.
Meanwhile DH and I had an argument about all this last night that has left me feeling alone and unsupported and unrespected. I’ll post about that later, I feel too down and exhausted to now. I was in big pain with my knee last night - it clicked at one point when I got into bed and I felt a sharp pain and cried out. I then couldn’t get comfortable to sleep. I’d stopped taking the heavy duty painkillers but am back on then, as it’s the worst pain and sleep I’ve had since the accident.
Ok so -
After a huge malarkey of ... a hailing thunderstorm delaying planes ... the flight being completely booked ... the bulkhead seat I’d been promised by the airline on the phone the other day no longer being free as there were too many parents with babies requiring the bulkhead seats as they gave bassinets and parents not sitting holding babies for the entire flight took precedence over brace leg ... teenage DD (with ASD) telling the airline completely seriously that she’d sit and hold TWO babies for the entire flight if it meant I could have a bulkhead seat ... a business seat becoming suddenly available ... a 18 minute wait on hold for the travel insurance company to answer my call to see if they’d authorise the upgrade ... and then being put on hold again while the operator spoke to her supervisor... during which time bulkhead seats became available and DH and the kids checked in and also for me while I waited in a wheelchair on hold ... the insurance company agreeing that I had a medical need for an upgrade ...
AND I have a business class seat with bed 
while, as @Batsrecool suggested, DH is in economy with the DC 
It’s only for the first flight and I’ll have to sort out a bulkhead/upgrade when we transit, but as the fucker is over 15 hours long, I’m bloody relieved.
The insurance company asked why my previous ACL operations hadn’t been declared when taking out the policy, and I said DH, basically. As my operations were 17 and 7 years ago respectively, they accepted this abd DH’s logic as an acceptable reason and said to put it on the claim form. Hopefully we’ll get the money back. And at some point I’ll have to have surgery, but at least I can fly in some comfort.
Oh please - even after Lunde's post you don't see that her twisting it in the night in her sleep could have been a big problem and she was right to get it assessed and immobilised asap...
mirialis I think some posters just need to maintain that its all nonsense and the main thing was that OP inconvenienced her husband. Poor man.
Ha ha @DishingOutDone I’m already prepared for that.
“Why did you leave your poor DH to sort the insurance, you lazy, dramatic woman?”
“I’m not surprised he didn’t put your pre-existing leg conditions down. He’s probably embarrassed by how many gratuitous A&E visits you have when abroad, what with you going twice in 17 years All these accidents, he’s quite right to think you’re a huge pain in the leg arse”
"I still don't believe that the outcome would have been any different if OP had gone to hospital the next morning after sleeping it off."
So when the hospital put her in a full ankle to thigh leg brace to prevent further injury they were just playing with their pretty equipment for the fun of it, not...you know...trying to prevent further injury?
(injury which could easily occur during sleep and might make her permanently incapable of walking)
All best wishes for you OP, hope flight back is not too bad.
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