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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS sit AS Levels?

193 replies

bluebellpillow · 26/12/2018 07:59

Ds has always been a high achiever with little effort, was predicted straight 8/9s at GCSE. He barely did any revision, laughed and joked about not wanting to 'peak too soon' and that he would be fine. Results day he got all 8s bar one 7. In honesty we were disappointed as for him he could have done better, which the school wholeheartedly agreed with. He promised to knuckle down, had learned his lesson...

I will add here that due to where we are (without outing my location) he had to move to a fee paying school in order to pursue science/maths A levels. We did this before GCSE in order to make the transition for A level as smooth as possible. Ds knows that for us this is a sacrifice we are making.

Fast forward to now and his exam results have been terrible. First set he got B,C,D,U and most recently E,C,U,U. I phoned school to discuss this, according to them he is a role pupil who just isn't working up to his full potential Hmm. He is polite, does all his homework etc so no concerns.

Ds has lofty ideas about going to top unis which whilst are within his reach are laughable at his current performance. I have told him that if his next set of exams do not significantly improve that I will pull him out of school and he can get a job until he is willing to work harder for his exams.
AIBU? I'm just so annoyed and disappointed that we are paying for him to piss it up a wall.

OP posts:
User12879923378 · 27/12/2018 10:22

I also wonder if everyone's told him how clever he is all his life. It was all I heard - not a stealth boast, really not, it has taken me years to apporeciate that being intelligent doesn't mean I don't have to work and several of my friends who maybe weren't as superficially confident and articulate as I was got amazing results at A levels and excelled at uni. I meanwhile decided to do a more vocational degree than the A levels I did (which were subjects that it was easy to do well in if you enjoyed them) and came out with an acceptable degree but nothing like the First I had arrogantly assumed I could get. Ditto my Masters. I did manage to get a decent job but I am still bitterly disappointed in myself for not just working harder. Please tell your son from me that hard work is criminally underrated but far more likely to result in good marks than potential you sit around feeling smug about but don't foster.

5fivestar · 27/12/2018 10:28

DD was predicated DCE and Cambridge wouldn’t even interview her as a result, got tutors in around October... she got AAA Cambridge’s loss .... he can still turn this around

WillowPeach · 27/12/2018 10:36

When I did my AS levels, the winter results came out as U and so many other top achievers came out with E’s. There were very few high results and our tutors said that examiners are notourisously harsh in the winter exams to push people harder for the summer. Sure enough, summer results came around and I got BCC and those high achievers that had Es came out with As. I revised so hard but never got high results and the reason was because I don’t think I applied my knowledge skilfully or in the way the examiners expected and I didn’t realise until I went to uni (to which I came out with a 2:1 and a first in masters). Have a discussion with him about your concerns and have a little faith.

NameChangeOhNameChange1 · 27/12/2018 10:56

For those sneering at my A Levels, it was not that long ago and I did the new ones.
And yes, a child who is turning up, doing their homework and not causing problems in class yet is still getting Us is probably not that smart 🤷‍♀️

mirialis · 27/12/2018 11:02

No one was sneering at your A levels but you're now actually making yourself look a bit thick to be honest, no better how "academic" you may be.

RhiWrites · 27/12/2018 11:03

Get him a tutor. The tutor will be able to tell you in a way the school can’t, if he is working and stands a chance of passing these subjects.

The fact he says tutors are for thickos when his grades are terrible suggests that he’s lazy and entitled. I’d stop paying for the private school. There’s no point if he won’t work.

GnomeDePlume · 27/12/2018 11:20

You say he does a sport which he is good at. What is his attitude to that? Does he train hard, put the effort in to get better?

Or is this another area where he has natural talent and that has been enough?

Is it possible that having been fêted all his life that he is now frightened of failure? His logic being that if he is seen to actually try hard that this is an admission of not being as good as people say he is. This then leads into not trying so then by his logic he hasn't failed.

ErrolTheDragon · 27/12/2018 11:38

DD was predicated DCE and Cambridge wouldn’t even interview her as a result, got tutors in around October... she got AAA Cambridge’s loss

There are kids with much better predicted grades than that who don't get an interview at Cambridge, presumably if they've not done well enough in the aptitude test. They've got an excess of applicants who don't need tutoring to 'turn things around'... anyone who needs extra help wouldn't be likely to thrive there. And afaik their offers will require at least one A*, two for STEM courses minimum.
Turning things round to get AAA from that prediction is really great, and shows determination so hopefully she'll carry on doing well but surely you wouldn't really expect kids with those predictions to get Oxbridge interviews? Confused

Shimy · 27/12/2018 13:06

^D was predicated DCE and Cambridge wouldn’t even interview her as a result, got tutors in around October... she got AAA Cambridge’s loss*

I’m more surprised someone predicted DCE applied to Cambridge in the first place let alone expecting an interview.

5fivestar · 27/12/2018 13:18

Oh fuck off, she got 11 A*’s at GCSE and then smashed her A Levels. As I say their loss

TeenTimesTwo · 27/12/2018 13:22

3xA at A level is very good, but not the general offer standard for Oxford/Cambridge.

Shimy · 27/12/2018 13:27

Clearly a sore point for you, but not an unreasonable question to ask. I’m glad she went on to smash her A’levels and will no doubt go on to do well. wether Cambridge has lost anything is equally questionable.

MyOtherProfile · 27/12/2018 13:37

Intrigued to know what you think Cambridge should base their offers on, if someone with such low predictions applies?

LoniceraJaponica · 27/12/2018 13:40

"For those sneering at my A Levels, it was not that long ago and I did the new ones."

As in all linear examined in the last couple of years?
Boasting about good grades from coasting is poor form IMO.

No need to be so defensive 5fivestar. It was an odd choice to apply to Cambridge with those predictions, and the other posters were just pointing out why your DD didn't get an interview. DD didn't get all A* at GCSE, yet maneged to achieve AAA at A level in STEM subjects. It was all down to hard work.

You raise some interesting points User12879923378. DD's boyfriend has been told all his life that he is the clever one.

Unfortunately it has led him to coast somewhat. His GCSEs were less than stellar, but his teachers realised his potential, gave him AAA predicted grades, and he wrote a brilliant personal statement, aced his HAT test and got an offer from Oxford. He missed his grades in two subjects at A level and ended up in clearing (because his "insurance" choice wanted the same grades and didn't want him either).

He is now paryting a lot and doing very little work where he is now. I suspect that had he gone to Oxford he would have only lasted a few weeks. He actually said that in the first year where he is no-one does much work.

5fivestar · 27/12/2018 13:43

In my humble opinion given she’d done so well at gcse and went on to do so well in the end the predictions were just plain wrong. Shame some put so much emphasis on them but hey ho

MyOtherProfile · 27/12/2018 13:55

There are so many applications for every place at Cambridge that they have to whittle out everyone who isn't absolutely top level. As great as your dds AAA was, it wasn't in the end as high as they can afford to hold out for, so they were proved right.

LoniceraJaponica · 27/12/2018 13:59

Also, I'm surprised that the school supported her application to Cambridge. DD's school would have discouraged anyone with those predicted grades from applying.

poppoppop100 · 27/12/2018 14:19

A at a level isn't smashing it lol!

poppoppop100 · 27/12/2018 14:20

Ds1 reading maths at Cambridge and has 3 a* and a at a level. Most of his peers have better.
Cambridge are not very interested in GCSE gradez

5fivestar · 27/12/2018 14:25

This reply has been deleted

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5fivestar · 27/12/2018 14:27

But thank you for posting, you’re exactly the kind of person I feared she might come across there, so am relieved she won’t

LoniceraJaponica · 27/12/2018 14:29

"A at A level isn't smashing it lol!"

FGS, for most students it is Hmm
DD really struggled with her A levels and achieved AAA. IMO she smashed it.

What is it with these posters who think that anything less than A* in every exam is not worth considering?

Not all children are extremely bright. Some have to work hard to achiebe their As and Bs. Those who coast and get A*s are extremely bright, but they aren't the norm in real life.

mirialis · 27/12/2018 14:30

5fivestar - even without that info I think 3 As is smashing it and I can see why you feel it's Cambridge's loss as you know DD and they never got to meet her and find out for themselves, but with so many applications that's what they have to go on... for those with low predicted grades when there is genuine hope they will attain higher actual grades, it is worth considering a gap year and applying with actual grades in hand.

This thread is taking a unhelpful turn so, OP if you're still reading, then wishing you and your son the best of luck and hope there has been helpful advice here for you.

MummySharkDoDo · 27/12/2018 15:44

I think Mumsnet is a bubble at times. My eldest two went on to get very good grades, not the highest, then good Unis, but not oxbridge. One is in a good job and the other post graduate biology still.

I’m honestly really happy with their achievements, they are happy and well rounded with good potential for happy life. I know very very few people tbh who did far better, a few who excelled then did oxbridge, but I wouldn’t say their lives are that remote from ours.

Dh and I followed similar paths, and we’re happy good earners, maybe not elite but certainly doing well.

I think for many they need to hear they are still doing amazingly, whether they get the most elite grades or not. Education is not for educations sake. It’s about preparing for life and skills for life.

LoniceraJaponica · 27/12/2018 15:46

Well said MummySharkDoDo

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