I hate Christmas.

[bathtimesanity]

Almost in tears as the Christmas dinner is looming and I want to please my parents and be able to eat it, but I know I can't. I've had OCD since I was 7, now 20 & since 14 I've never been able to eat something other people have cooked as I'm scared of germs and getting ill. I have to do it again tomorrow at my boyfriends parents house, last year they made a meat based dish (one of my biggest fears!) and I ate it to be polite as it was my first Christmas with them and only second meeting but I was a wreck afterwards and had to sleep on the sofa.

Christmas time is so hard

^when you have mental health problems and I'm dreading telling my mum I can't eat any of it in a minute.

I feel like everybody thinks I'm ungrateful, I'm truly not- I'm just terrified.

I just want to go back to my flat and sleep.

Can you call it off and go home?

I rarely eat out- maybe once every few months as it's such a fucking nightmare but I do find eating out easier than being cooked for as I can't see what's going on in the kitchen at a restaurant so my ocd doesn't go crazy.

Please tell your parents if not today in the next week, they'll want to help you.

Honestly I'd go home. I'm sorry you feel do distressed.

My friends husband is like this, he gets around eating at his in laws by bringing his own steak to cook & they are very understanding of his predicament

@sackrifice I wish I could but they're about to eat and I'd need a lift. It's so rude to leave as well, I'll just stick it out and sit on the sofa whilst they eat. I was eating chocolate buttons earlier because I was hungry but my mum took them off me so I'd have room for lunch, those chocolate buttons were the only thing I felt like I could eat.😞

Does your mum know you have OCD?

@Happierwithouthim that's great that they are so understanding, my boyfriends parents don't know about my mental health and I don't feel like I could tell them as they're older and don't really understand stuff like that.

I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow as his siblings already hate me because of a holiday incident back in February. (We we're booked to stay for a week but I left the same day we arrived due to constant panic attacks). They spread horrid chat about me being ungrateful for the holiday (even though I paid for my ticket and food etc!). It was my first time away in years.

@SmileEachDay yes, she's so good about it but every time she cooks I feel awful because she does so much to accommodate me and my issues but I still can't do it.😞

Aw op poor you. I've been in similar situations and it's just awful when you feel that way. Do your parents know about your ocd?

So that’s ok. Your mum wants you to have a nice Christmas.

Are there parts of the dinner you could manage - maybe veg that has been boiled?
Crackers/cheese after - if they’ve come out of packets?

Sorry cross post. I am so sorry to hear that your siblings lack the empathy and understanding required to help you with this. It sounds like your parents are supportive. Could your partner tell his parents this evening that you're suffering from a tummy issue and that you're not up to eating?

Oh love. No one would choose to feel the way you do. I think people must understand - and it might be worth trying to tell your boyfriend’s family. I hope you are ok.

are you getting serious proper help for this.

Can you not cook your own bit of the lunch for yourself

@ilovesooty I've just started crying, mums fine about it and offered to make me something else but I don't want anything. I'm just so worried about tomorrow as well, she says she'll talk to my boyfriend and ask him to explain (which I've asked him to do before but he said not to worry).

Chilling on the sofa crying like a baby lol. 😣

@Travisandthemonkey I did have CBT on the NHS but it wasn't helping. I take an anti anxiety medication but again, it's useless and only slightly lessens the anxiety.

@Pachyderm1 thank you, it's refreshing to see some people in here that understand mental health issues, I've never encountered anyone in real life (aside from family and my boyfriend) that hasn't made fun of me/ostracised me because of it.

Sorry you have to deal with this OP.

It may be too late now, but would you eat if you took some of the lunch ingredients and cooked it yourself? That way you can still enjoy dinner with everyone, you've just cooked yours separately

@savagebaggagemaster I wish, I know he would get annoyed with me as I'd be showing him up- he's lovely about it at home but I can't just avoid his parents and siblings forever. My mum says she's got a plan for tomorrow and is going to reveal it after dinner!

@SmileEachDay I do like veg and eat that a lot but it's harder when it's not cooked by me, and using other peoples utensils and plates is so difficult for me. I hate stepping foot into other people's kitchens😫

I don't fancy cheese and crackers atm but you're right- when it comes from a packet sealed it's so much easier!

The only Christmas dinner I'm really happy to eat is one I've cooked myself and I hate cooking

Other people's cooking scares me (including eating out)
I'm not sure if I have OCD but I think if I do it's mostly to do with thoughts and avoidance

@BayandBlonde thank you, probably not honestly, unless it was my own kitchen! I'm wishing I'd got an emergency mini Christmas dinner ingredient supply yesterday in case this happened! I'd love to cook myself one later when I'm back home.

I really thought this year I'd be able to do it😞

@bumblebee39 the thoughts are the worst, maybe you have a little anxiety over other people's cooking? I think a lot of people prefer to cook their own food anyways.

I'm scared of germs and getting sick/food poisoning mainly.

I think you need a lot more than CBT.

If you can afford it I would look into specialists who deal with OCD on this scale.
And to be frank, I would pay for this over everything else in your life at the moment.
And I would predict it will take a long time.

But you’re young and this cannot go on for the rest of your life, it’s life debilitating