I hate Christmas.

[bathtimesanity]

Almost in tears as the Christmas dinner is looming and I want to please my parents and be able to eat it, but I know I can't. I've had OCD since I was 7, now 20 & since 14 I've never been able to eat something other people have cooked as I'm scared of germs and getting ill. I have to do it again tomorrow at my boyfriends parents house, last year they made a meat based dish (one of my biggest fears!) and I ate it to be polite as it was my first Christmas with them and only second meeting but I was a wreck afterwards and had to sleep on the sofa.

Christmas time is so hard

@Jeanclaudejackety hugs back!💐 I hope you manage to find help too, we can beat this.

Sorry to hear you're so upset op

I think you're amazing to keep on trying to over come your fears. So what if you didn't this year, you believed you could and you tried that counts for a lot.

Also thanks for posting, it's been really eye opening and opened my mind a lot not to dismiss other people as been silly/ott when they appear to be fussy. I've never realised how common it is for people to have issues like this. I will be a lot more understanding and accepting in future when people aren't fitting in with the usual/typicalway of doing things.

@bathtimesanity

Your post really struck a chord in me - when I was your age I was SO similar, and it was a hideous nightmare that seemed like it would never end. I just wanted to say that now (over 10 years later) it's so much better, and although I'm more squeamish than a lot of people about what I'll eat, it's a world away from how it used to be. Sorry that I don't have any advice (it just sort of went away over the years, tbh, as well as the fact that I was sick a couple of times and it wasn't AS bad as I'd built it up to be), but just wanted to say that it can get better even if it feels like you'll be trapped forever.

It's not about getting ill from eating something, that doesn't bother me,

My phobia is the germs, but more so finding hair in my food. It absolutely turns my stomach and makes me feel really ill. Or unclean people touching it like they could of not washed hands after toilet, have dirty nails etc.

I am a bit ocd about other things in general, but nothing like what I'm like with my food.

No @bathtimesanity I've never been to the drs or anything. X

Hi Bathtimesanity. I too have OCD, the Pure O type. It was ruining my life and I wanted to run away and hide from everyone. I was prescribed Sertraline by the Psychiatrist and it changed my life. Fluoxetine didn't help with the intrusive thoughts at all. Sertraline definitely did.

Good luck OP. You can get better, honestly. It is just finding the right medication which breaks the circuits of thoughts in your brain. I remember the desperation well, and thinking that I would never escape my own brain. I did. And I have faith that you will too. Hang in there by any means necessary until you find what works for you.

@bathtimesanity - the pasta sounds fabulous, and, in your thoughts re the visit tomorrow you already sound happier.

One step at a time.x.

Hope you're ok.

"and I don't feel like I could tell them as they're older and don't really understand stuff like that" sorry but that is not necessarily true. I have OCD too and older relatives do understand. His siblings certainly should understand - but they can't if they're not told.

Re treatment - I'm still trying to find one that works. Cbt made me worse and still trying to find meds that work and that I'm not allergic to! I can't take ssri's as they make me proper nuts!!

"They won't treat me for an eating disorder as I'm not underweight" that's bloody stupid isn't it? Surely it's better to help you to stay a healthy weight than risk you becoming unwell enough you end up underweight again?

Health ins I suspect wouldn't cover a pre-existing condition and I've heard they're pretty poor on mh coverage (as its so hard to treat).

Telling others means they know what the situation is and relives the pressure a bit, we're not quite there yet with full understanding/no prejudices but it's better than it used to be and at least then if people are shitty you know it's cos they're shitty and not just unaware and can decide not to give a fuck what such an arse thinks!

Perfectionism is very much a trait in OCD sufferers too. Also I'm overweight but when I've been bad with the OCD I'm not allowed to "diet" as there's a lot of crossover into ED.

Danni0509 - it's really common I know a good few people who are really particular about where and who they eat with, several who don't like eating out etc I think it's probably far more common than is discussed.

I worry about this too - not helped by the fact I have ibs/endo on bowel and certain foods do upset my stomach and I seem to pick up tummy bugs too easily (and it's definitely not through poor hygiene!)

@2littleguineas that's so kind, thank you! I've always feared people thought I was just rude, fussy or bossy when it came to food, I'm glad it's opened your eyes :) you sound like a lovely person!💐

@Pythone that's so encouraging to hear, thank you. I'm so glad things have improved for you, maybe it does take growth out of things eventually to heal properly. Xx

@MsLucyLastic ❤️💐 Thank you! Sertraline will be my next option if this one doesn't work. My best friend had good results on it for depression.

Just been for a walk with my mum and the dog- managed to eat a piece of Madeira cake! Using a freshly washed plate and a plastic spoon.👍🏻

@danni0509 that would turn my stomach too! I hate finding even my own hair anywhere (ends up all over the bed!) let alone in my food!

@SeaSandLandSky I'm so excited to have it this evening when I'm back home.😋 I really am feeling more positive! And it's all thanks to you and these amazing people on Mumsnet. Thank you💐 just text boyfriend to ask what we're having tomorrow so I can be prepared, no surprises!

@NikiFree thank you love💐 I'm feeling better.

@bathtimesanity haha you sound like me so much!!

When I've brushed my hair I hoover the floor were I brushed it & then hoover the back of my my top etc. I literally stand with the hoover attachment hoovering my tshirt ffs!

can't stand stray hairs

@bathtimesanity for you too. I am very impressed at your dog being able to eat cake using a plate and spoon 😁

Have a wonderful rest of the day. And you will get through tomorrow. 90% of the things we worry about never actually happen, so your worst case scenario thoughts are unlikely to materialise.

You sound lovely and that's what your boyfriend's family will see.

@bathtimesanity - so good to see your last update - it's put a smile on my face too!

Have the day the way you want it to be tomorrow - and every day ever after too!

bathtimesanity I had OCD as a teen and am sill slightly affected by it, but not in your way. I also had anxiety in my 30s and CBT did work for me.

Please go back to your GP and speak to them to get some more help.

Tomorrow, can you pack a lunch and say you have an upset stomach, or could you brave telling them?

"I was eating chocolate buttons earlier because I was hungry but my mum took them off me so I'd have room for lunch, those chocolate buttons were the only thing I felt like I could eat." You are 20, you are an adult, if you want to ea chocolate buttons, you should. Your mum should not have taken them off you. That was very unfair and unnecessary even without your mental health issues.

Please seek help and perhaps you and your dh can use tomorrow as a chance to explain to your dh's family, but di take some food so you will not go hungry.

Sorry so.

I also have an eatong disorder but the other direction. Eating too much! I ate too much breakfast and couldn't really enjoy lunch!

O really sympathise with you because when I had OCD badly at 15 I thought I was going nuts. No one even said the words OCD. That was nearly 4p years ago.

I now understand it so much better and have counselling free at my work place.

Some colleges that offer courses in counselling might offer reduced fees.

I hope you can find someone to help you.

Have you spoken to Beat?

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/anorexia

I know of adults and children with Anorexia and it is so complex. You gave my sympathy. Xxx

Sorry your dp not dh.

@MsLucyLastic LOL! Just saw how that post sounded😂 yeah, he's an incredibly advanced dog!😉

Thank you so much! You sound like a lovely person too!💐 I'm back home now, finished the evening playing Cards Against Humanity.🤪

Having my pesto pasta now- soooo hungry!

You sound so much happier OP. I am really glad for you (and your very advanced dog, obviously 😂). Thank you for the compliment, it's really kind. You have a great day tomorrow. Whatever happens, you will get through it in one piece, alive and intact! Still loved by the people who love you. So do what you need to do to get through the day. Will be thinking of you and sending mental well wishes to you

How are you feeling, OP?

Hope today goes OK.

@Italiangreyhound I got here at 11.30, feeling okay so far- had a mince pie that I'd brought on the way for them,so I'm not hungry! Apparently we've got lasagne for lunch so hopefully all goes well 🤞🏻 just really tired tbh, anxiety takes a lot out of you and I'd rather be home in bed😅