I hate Christmas.

[bathtimesanity]

Almost in tears as the Christmas dinner is looming and I want to please my parents and be able to eat it, but I know I can't. I've had OCD since I was 7, now 20 & since 14 I've never been able to eat something other people have cooked as I'm scared of germs and getting ill. I have to do it again tomorrow at my boyfriends parents house, last year they made a meat based dish (one of my biggest fears!) and I ate it to be polite as it was my first Christmas with them and only second meeting but I was a wreck afterwards and had to sleep on the sofa.

Christmas time is so hard

I know it won't help today but in future, can you bring your own roasting dish, with veg you have cooked yourself so that you can cook and eat it from the same dish? Like a lasagna dish?

When we had no oven, I'd do one of these in a remoska, one pot roast, with veggies that would roast all together in the pan, and take it out and eat straight from the dish. you can prepare them all at home, cling film and then they go straight in for around 45-60 mins [put foil over if that also helps].

I use these. i also use them for macaroni cheese and the like.

What you do need to do though is to talk to your parents about it and how you can work together to make sure you are eating and lot losing out on family time. Surprising you isn't going to work is it?

www.marksandspencer.com/albany-oval-roaster/p/p60187257?extid=ps_gglpla_Home&Furniture_1343165966_52887348694&s_kwcid=AL!2750!3!262267604062!!!g!311131247015!EFKW&device=c&cvosrc=ppc%20shopping.google.Home%20&%20Furniture%20%3E%20Cookware%20%3E%20Pots%20&%20Pans%20%3E%20Roasting%20Pans&cvo_pid=52887348694&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=CjwKCAiAx4fhBRB6EiwA3cV4KtsxD30XxKrGV0BmOcSKESi-SwgWAYf_iyVLN5J_6bKDR2OCQ6gB1BoCpQcQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&pdpredirect

It worries me that you’ve felt like this from 14 and have no diagnosis. Has your dr prescribed just for general anxiety?

@SmileEachDay no I've been diagnosed since I was 7- sorry if I didn't make that clear in my first post. My dad has OCD too but his isn't the same as mine (his is tidying)

I have professional diagnoses from various psychiatrists:
OCD
Generalised anxiety disorder
Anorexia Nervosa w/ binging subtype
Depression.

@sackrifice that's a really good idea and I've never thought of that- prep it all myself in my own dish, cook it in the dish and it needs be- eat out the dish! That's such a smart plan!! I love macaroni cheese with spinach and that's the only thing I'll eat that my mum makes. Have no idea if it would work but I'm open to trying it at some point!

@Travisandthemonkey totally agree, I've searched for specialists (as none have been offered to me by the NHS), some range from £70-150ph and I just can't afford that, neither can my parents. I'm a student and have a limited income each month. I looked into a private inpatient eating disorder and ocd stay for just a week and it was quoted to me as being £28,000.

Ah ok.
In which case the issue is not tomorrow- it’s too short notice to talk to BFs Mum now. It’s a big conversation. Perhaps make it a target for next year.

Either make an excuse - I have noro I have to stay home. Or if you want to be there but not eat, then maybe you are recovering from noro and just want steamed veg .

Is your anorexia managed at the mo?

@SmileEachDay that's an okay plan, I really still want to go but just avoid food- or not put pressure on myself about it! If there's something I feel I can eat I'll have that, but if not there's no pressure on me to eat.

It's somewhat managed, I'm a healthy weight but still have restrictive thoughts and food fears. I also binge often because of anxiety which sets the anxiety about weight off again.

They won't treat me for an eating disorder as I'm not underweight anymore like I was when I was 13-16.

Do you have emetephobia (phobia of being sick / getting sick) there are different "treatments" / coping mechanisms for dealing with phobias to anxiety. I can fully sympathise with you I suffered badly with the same as you until I had a baby and then it suddenly got a million percent better when I realised I couldn't avoid getting ill. I still do get anxious sometimes about it but generally now not a big problem for me. One of the best things for me was actually telling people about it.

Op you do know if you’re a student or reduced income many places will give you a large discount.
I agree the inpatient is very expensive.
But 75 p/h reduced to say 50
Is £200 p/m

It’s a lot I know. But this is the rest of your life. Can your parents afford £100 and you and your partner £50 each.

Perhaps the problem with this aspect of your OCD is that it’s really easy to hide apart from big occasions. But you can’t never go on holiday or ever go to someone for dinner.

Also look into charities?
I know this is all long term. But you’re young and it would be very sad if you felt like this for the rest of your life.

Go for telling people you’ve just had a horrid bout of noro (no one will ask questions!!😂) and you couldn’t eat at your mum’s (true) and you’ll eat if you can.
Text and tell BF that’s your plan (or tell him if he’s with you today) and that relieves the pressure.

Deal with talking to his mum separately. One issue at a time.

@emzw12 I definitely suffer from emetophobia, I've completed a work book off of Amazon on it and it is way less than it has been (I used to never go out because of it- let alone have a boyfriend and kiss him etc!) but it contributes to my OCD unfortunately.

@SmileEachDay thank you, you've had some great ideas! I'll keep that one in mind! Maybe if I say I had noro they'll tell me not to come at all!😂🤥 really don't want to miss out though for my boyfriend!

@Travisandthemonkey you're right, I'm really not living life at the moment and I'd kill to be normal and go on holiday, enjoy it etc without anxiety.
I'll have to ask about reduced rates, none have ever mentioned it even when I said I was a student and young. I don't know if my parents would be able to afford it, I could probably afford 2 sessions a month at a squeeze if they were £40-50ph.
I really don't want to have to ask anyone or rely on people for money.

I was thinking about health insurance as they sometimes cover inpatient stays or outpatient treatment but that's £57+ a month (bupa) and I have no idea if the recovery centres would accept insurance.

I wish, I know he would get annoyed with me as I'd be showing him up- he's lovely about it at home but I can't just avoid his parents and siblings forever

^ You seem to have struggled with this on your own for far too long my lovely, and feeling that you have to eat at his parents because of your BF being otherwise 'shown up' , says a whole lot more about him than you.
It's taken me until this past 2 years to realise that I or anyone else - including you - do not have to do anything that causes stress and /or trauma. I'm now 58 and wish I'd had mumsnet to turn to in years gone by to support me when I was struggling.

The shops are open again tomorrow.You could make the decision to first eat something simple at home today, THEN go to his parents AFTER they have eaten.
Then tomorrow, go buy yourself ingredients for a Christmas meal you can eat and prepare, your way.
If parents and BF don't like this, then tough.

All too often we are trained from birth to please others so as not to cause upset, regardless of the effect it has on you.
So take a deep breath and give yourself a christmas gift, take control of your life and please yourself. It's really ok to do this.

(((Big hugs for you)))

💐 I understand!

Can YOU cook the veg? At least then you have control over one element of the meal and can eat something?

You do need to sort it though, if one medication didn't work then there is a lot of others you can try. It's worth doing it to get the relief from anxiety.

Me too. It's a horrible traumatic time for me. 🌺

Don't know if this helps but I have a bit if what you have. I'm OK in restaurants and even fast food places but so weird about drinking and eating in others houses. I'm OK in my childhood home as my mum is actually working in health and infectious disease and is very hygienic and my dad's and amazing cook but I really really struggle elsewhere, people don't get it. I hope you manage to find some peace. Hugs

you've brought me to tears again @SeaSandLandSky, what a lovely message- I'm so sorry you've been through so much and not had the support you needed- hugs to you💐

That's a great plan, I really think I'll just turn up after they've eaten- last year it was around 2/3pm so at least if I'm there for the evening and some afternoon I've still shown my face, given pressies and socialised! I'll have a nice meal beforehand at home.

I'm already dreaming of the pesto pasta with cheese I'm going to cook myself tonight when I get home🤩 I've got the flat to myself as my boyfriend and our puppy are staying at his parents overnight.

I really do aim to please a lot, it's often a characteristic of anorexics/eating disorder sufferers anyway! Perfectionists is what they call us!

@IAmW0manHearMeRoar dinners over now so I can't anymore but maybe I should have thought of that beforehand. I've had so many great suggestions I'll ace Christmas next year! (Hopefully!🙊)

I'm exactly the same as this.

(I thought I was alone as never heard anyone else like it!)

I don't eat anything anyone has cooked or touched, i won't even eat toast my dh has buttered.

I won't eat McDonald's burgers or takeaways or anything bcos other people have touched them. I'm weirdly ok with eating fries as they are usually scooped not touched by hand

I can't eat shop bought sandwiches or anything like that.

Eating at anyone else's house is a definite no go.

I literally eat what I have cooked and touched and that is it.

God I'm so pleased I read this!

My family all think I'm completely nuts (which I do understand to be fair!!)

@IAmW0manHearMeRoar I've been on Prozac 60mg since I was 14- literally just come off it a month ago and now trying Pregabalin (sp?) but it takes a few weeks to work.

It's horrible I feel for you greatly.
Take a look at this website there's a lot of useful helpful resources:
www.emetophobia.org/forum.php?s=454b731c9f769565db60db1cd5432d12

@danni0509 you're not nuts! (I often feel nuts too though!) You have a disorder, have you spoken to your GP about this before? All those things you said are me!

@emzw12 thank you, I'll have a read this afternoon.❤️