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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding 10th November, No Thank You...yet

101 replies

PlainVanilla · 24/12/2018 21:57

Went to a wedding in the UK on 10th November. I have not yet had a thank you for my present, not very exciting just GBP250 in cash. Cannot have been lost as went to the mother of the groom's house and I saw it in situ.
This is a bit off, isn't it?

OP posts:
Whatelsecouldibecalled · 24/12/2018 22:00

I think it’s a bit early yet? If they have ‘thank you cards’ as part of the photography package they won’t be ready yet. Also Christmas post could be slowing sending down?

I got married mid August and my thank you cards weren’t ready until end of September. I then needed to write them all and send them.

hidinginthenightgarden · 24/12/2018 22:01

Has there been a general thank you on social media etc?
We were gifted cash and thanked people collectively etc. Meant to send out thank yous and then just a couple of weeks later DH got made redundant (with immediate effect) and our world was turned upside down. We never sent the cards in the end but did put out a general thank you and said it in person to those we saw as well.
£250 is a lot of money. Are they a close family member?

rubaduhlo · 24/12/2018 22:02

YABU. I'd wait January out and then see. December is such a busy month and I imagine being newlyweds they are busy themselves.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 24/12/2018 22:03

Oh yeah we did do the general thank you via text and social media but the individualised cards were later.

Want2bSupermum · 24/12/2018 22:03

General rule is a year for a thank you note for a wedding gift.

PinkHeart5914 · 24/12/2018 22:03

Do people still expect thankyou cards?

It’s just out dated now surely?

Original poster
PlainVanilla · 24/12/2018 22:07

Goodness, I had no idea I was being unreasonable.
We sent thank you letters, handwritten, not printed cards, as soon as we received a present.
My niece, who married in August, also sent very prompt thank you letters.
To those, who think a thank you letter is out of date, you and I would probably not get along! What happened to plain "good manners"?

OP posts:
Heatherjayne1972 · 24/12/2018 22:09

When I got married ( before fb/ social media) we had a table for gifts
At the end of the evening one of the teenagers roped in to help had helpfully taken all the presents to our room and collected all the cards up together and left them neatly in a pile for us
We found a pile of cards and a pile of presents and no way to match who sent what
So no one got a Thankyou card - but it wasn’t becsuse we were being rude
Could something like that have happened ?

FannyAndMoonFace · 24/12/2018 22:09

£250!?

RainbowBriteRules · 24/12/2018 22:11

I would expect a thank you but would think it is still very early. Plus it is Christmas now. They are probably really busy. If I hadn’t heard by spring I would be a bit annoyed but wouldn’t consider it late until a year after the wedding as Want2bSupermum said. So I think YABU, sorry.

CandyMelts · 24/12/2018 22:13

6 weeks seems pretty prompt and theres now Christmas in the way which will have slowed down any photos/ cards / postage.

The one year rule is for wedding gifts not the thank yous though, it's sometimes misinterpreted.

It's been over 6 months for some wedding thank yous I've had, usually 2-3 months.

BottleOfJameson · 24/12/2018 22:13

I thought 6 months was the standard allowable time limit for thank you cards after weddings. If you give them the honeymoon then a few weeks off after the wedding it's already christmas so they'll probably get round to it some time in the new year. You should definitely get a thank you though.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 24/12/2018 22:13

It took us about 3 months to send out thank yous I think, but we were waiting for our wedding photos so we could send a nice card and then a while to write and post them. That was about 3 years ago and It probably was a bit long but we did it. We have been to quite a few weddings since where we have not received a thank you for the gift which I do think is quite rude personally (not even a text!).

Sparklesocks · 24/12/2018 22:16

I have received thank you cards sometimes up to a couple of months post wedding.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 24/12/2018 22:17

General rule is a year for a thank you note for a wedding gift
Bollocks to that. I wrote a couple of thank you LETTERS each day while on honeymoon!

mindutopia · 24/12/2018 22:19

Agreed it’s still early for thank you’s to come out. I’d expect them more like 2-4 months after the wedding. We went to a wedding the first weekend of September and got the thank you maybe 2nd week of December?

I know when we got married, we had a gift list as we had moved from abroad back to the U.K. just before our wedding (literally didn’t own a pot to piss in). The department store we had our gift list at didn’t even deliver any of our gifts til 6 weeks after the wedding (they come in one big delivery). I know you said you gave cash but it’s quite possible they are waiting til everything is received to do them all together. Lord knows we all have enough cards to do at Christmas as it is.

LivLemler · 24/12/2018 22:21

Way too early to get annoyed about that. I'm Irish and we don't seem to have the same etiquette around formal thank yous as the Brits going by what I've read on here, but anything up to a year is viewed as fine, and six months about typical.

That's how long it takes to get the photos from the photographer (my sister's took over 5 months), pick the photo for the card, get the cards printed and write them (could easily be 100 cards to write for a big Irish wedding, so not a small task in itself).

In the meantime, the couple will have thanked their guests in the speeches, and in person after the wedding for anyone they saw.

Were you thanked in speeches / in person / by email / on Facebook? Why do thanks only count if handwritten and delivered by snail mail?

luckylavender · 24/12/2018 22:22

Too early?! What on earth is wrong with people? I despair sometimes I really do. And although £250 is a very very generous gift, a thank you should be gracious for £5.

VanessaShanessaJenkins · 24/12/2018 22:22

I'm still waiting on a thank you from a wedding I attended 18 months ago Shock

Given they are now getting divorced I don't think it's ever coming Hmm

Racheyg · 24/12/2018 22:22

Op I got married on 13th October and have only just got my photos back. (We are using them for the card) I'm horrified as it looks rude, but apparently photos take 6-8 weeks.

Sparklesocks · 24/12/2018 22:24

BreakfastAtSquiffanys oh wow dedication! I don’t think your guests would’ve expected them that soon!

LivLemler · 24/12/2018 22:28

Well no, Vanessa, I should think they've had other things on their minds.

jq28 · 24/12/2018 22:30

I sent my proper thank you cards out 6 months later! I obviously did thank everyone before then though.

MsLexic · 24/12/2018 22:33

Friends wedding we gave £50 which we could not afford and a cute little angel bear.
Never did get thanked. They said 'they may have received it'.ie. opened the parcels without writing a list because too fucking lazy

bellie710 · 24/12/2018 22:33

Jesus it took me about 3 months to get through all my thank yous!

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