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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding 10th November, No Thank You...yet

101 replies

PlainVanilla · 24/12/2018 21:57

Went to a wedding in the UK on 10th November. I have not yet had a thank you for my present, not very exciting just GBP250 in cash. Cannot have been lost as went to the mother of the groom's house and I saw it in situ.
This is a bit off, isn't it?

OP posts:
XmasFairy7 · 24/12/2018 22:35

I think it's very rude not to send a written thank you. It's the least people can do. I bought a beautiful dress for my cousin's newborn & she never thanked me. I had no idea if she received it or not, nor less if she actually liked it. Turns out she loved it & her child was christened in it. I thought it monumentally rude that she never said thanks.

greenpop21 · 24/12/2018 22:37

Do people still expect thankyou cards?

do people still expect gifts? Surely that's so outdated now? Hmm

thefinn · 24/12/2018 22:39

Took us nearly 5 months... also been to a UK wedding, never got a thank you card not that it has crossed my mind and prob they don't have our address. Dec is a busy month.

cardibach · 24/12/2018 22:40

I really d8nt get all the angst about written thank you cards. If I’ve had an actual conversation where I’ve been thanked or a text message I’m happy. Actually I’m happy anyway, because I don’t give to get thanked. Saying thank you is good manners, but formal written thanks are a bit outdated now I think.

greenpop21 · 24/12/2018 22:40

OP Hopefully by the end of Jan you'll get one. We went to a wedding last December and it took until Feb for a thank you to go out because they wanted to send a photo one. When I got married over 20 years ago I hand wrote them a week after my honeymoon as I couldn't bear guests to think I was ungrateful.

Fontofnoknowledge · 24/12/2018 22:45

Lucklavender thank god for your post. I thought I was living in a completely different universe !
What a bunch of rude entitled grabby people you all know!

Most weddings are less than 100 guests. Between the two of you can you really not get your acts together to write 'thank you for your gift of xxxx ' to 50 people. How precious. !
Perhaps if people decided they couldn't be arsed to take their time to buy you a wedding present then attitudes might change.
When I got married we also wrote our thank yous on Honeymoon. We 'managed' to fit it in between sightseeing , sunbathing and shagging really not hard and all this '3-4 months' 'a year' is just pathetic . It's about priorities and manners. These shouldn't be put to the back of the queue.

greenpop21 · 24/12/2018 22:46

The whole thing about the wedding photo on the thank you is so unnecessary. I just want to know my gift has been received. A standard thank you card or note is absolutely fine and I would rather have an email or text than wait 6 months not knowing!

Fontofnoknowledge · 24/12/2018 22:47

Lucklavender thank god for your post. I thought I was living in a completely different universe !
What a bunch of rude entitled grabby people you all know!

Most weddings are less than 100 guests. Between the two of you can you really not get your acts together to write 'thank you for your gift of xxxx ' to 50 people. How precious. !
Perhaps if people decided they couldn't be arsed to take their time to buy you a wedding present then attitudes might change.
When I got married we also wrote our thank yous on Honeymoon. We 'managed' to fit it in between sightseeing , sunbathing and shagging really not hard and all this '3-4 months' 'a year' is just pathetic . It's about priorities and manners. These shouldn't be put to the back of the queue.

RainbowBriteRules · 24/12/2018 22:49

I love wedding photo thank yous. I think they are a lovely personal touch and I’ll happily wait a bit longer for them.

greenpop21 · 24/12/2018 22:50

The fancy thank you card will sit on my windowsill for 2 days then go in the recycling bin so don't spend ages picking a bloody photo and making it all fancy. Who keeps them fgs? Just send a thank you promptly, it's good manners.

Zara85 · 24/12/2018 22:54

YANBU. I don't think there's an excuse for it. We got married 29th November. Thank you cards were sent to print as soon as we returned from honeymoon and were written in a day by us both and posted that night. Around 4 weeks post wedding.
We were so grateful that people had come and spent on outfits and money / gifts etc so close to Xmas we made sure they knew it was appreciated.
If anyone had given us £250 (which they didn't)I'd have gone out my way to thank them before hand too as that is very generous!

MrsStrowman · 24/12/2018 22:54

Bollocks to that. I wrote a couple of thank you LETTERS each day while on honeymoon!

Your honeymoon clearly wasn't great 😂

We sent thank you cards, but had to wait for the photographer, we then wrote a personal note inside each one, so they went out 6-8 weeks after the wedding in batches.

MaintainTheMolehill · 24/12/2018 22:57

I've had 1 thank you card in my life and I honestly was puzzled and thought it was a waste of paper and money. I don't give gifts to be thanked. We didn't send them after our wedding 15 years ago, whenever I saw someone who had been at the wedding I just thanked them personally and told them how much it meant to us.

I have never irl heard anyone moan at not getting a thank you card nor of them sending one.

greenpop21 · 24/12/2018 23:01

Maintain I have no problem with verbal thanks or texts or emails but a thank you is good manners. Most people don't open wedding gifts when they are given so you can't thank the giver until after the event. Many guests don't see the couple regularly so a written than you is necessary. It's good manners to thank so that the giver knows it has been received.

Parker231 · 24/12/2018 23:10

I would not be impressed if it took a year to receive a thank you letter- incredibly bad manners and very rude. Thanking should be a priority. No need to wait for photos to come back - there are perfectly acceptable cards for this purpose.

Willow2017 · 24/12/2018 23:21

Why on earth do you need to wait for photos? Why spend money on a photo card when people arent going to keep them on display for long (unless they didnt take photos at the wedding themselves and are close family.)

A simple thank you card you can buy in any stationers is fine or just a note.

If someone hadn't thanked me for a wedding present for a freaking year i would be unimpressed. What the hell has happened to basic manners? Someone went to.the trouble of buying you a gift you say thanks or am i missing something? I just want to know you actually got the pressie i dont want a 'photo' of the b&g too tbh.

UnknownStuntman · 24/12/2018 23:24

OP

"Goodness, I had no idea I was being unreasonable."

We'll that's a blatant lie, isn't it? Posting in AIBU suggests you think you might be. Clearly you don't think you are so posted to have your opinion confirmed.

Only entitled arseholes give to be thanked.

BlueUggs · 24/12/2018 23:27

We went to a wedding in may and got the thank you card last week!!!

Bubbagump1991 · 24/12/2018 23:35

Me and DH married 9th December 2017, we waited for our wedding photos to arrive which came end of dec and with Christmas in between we didn’t send our cards our till mid jan. be patient it’s only been a month! They’re probably enjoying Christmas and have enjoyed a honeymoon in the past 4 weeks so calm down. Yabu

Ragwort · 24/12/2018 23:36

I think it’s rude but seems to be the norm theses days, we gave a cheque at a wedding three months ago & as we noticed the cheque hadn’t been cashed my DH asked the groom if he had received it as otherwise we would give him another one, assuming it had got lost. He actually replied ‘we haven’t got round to looking at the gifts yet’ Confused.

I don’t understand how people have the time and energy (& money) to plan huge weddings but then are suddenly ‘too busy’ to factor in some time to write thank you letters.

(And I’m another who wrote my thank you letters on honeymoon Grin).

LaurieMarlow · 24/12/2018 23:57

Expecting a thank you card within a month is a bit such. It takes time to get cards printed.

Within 3 months is perfectly reasonable.

Augusta2012 · 25/12/2018 00:02

Did you mean the card with the money was not lost or the thank you card?

I don’t think you can be 100% certain they got the money. Cards with cash in them or often swiped.

At my wedding a woman who was engaged to BIL at time swiped £100 in cash off us and we only found out a long time later when we heard people were annoyed about no thank you card.

LaurieMarlow · 25/12/2018 00:03

A simple thank you card you can buy in any stationers is fine or just a note.

That's fine for you. Other people like to do things differently.

I didn't want to do a generic 'thank you' card, I think a photocard is much nicer.

Zara85 · 25/12/2018 11:17

Only entitled arseholes give to be thanked

What a load of absolute bulshit. Only entitled arseholes think it's okay to be given gifts and never say thank you more like!

Huntawaymama · 25/12/2018 11:34

We waited 7 weeks for our photos from the photographer and picked a few to print onto a card then hand write the notes. People probably got them 9 weeks post wedding and tbh I'd think longer was okay this time of year

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