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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding 10th November, No Thank You...yet

101 replies

PlainVanilla · 24/12/2018 21:57

Went to a wedding in the UK on 10th November. I have not yet had a thank you for my present, not very exciting just GBP250 in cash. Cannot have been lost as went to the mother of the groom's house and I saw it in situ.
This is a bit off, isn't it?

OP posts:
luckylavender · 26/12/2018 13:32

But if you got married in November then thanking people is just as important & time-bound as preparing for Christmas & should be factored in to the wedding planning! It's not all veils & favours.

Mydogisforlife · 26/12/2018 13:35

I'm happy to be thanked in person, by text or with a brief note or simple card. I'm not bothered about a photo card or anything fancy.

I'm not happy to wait six months to find out if my gift has arrived, or not have it acknowledged at all, which seems to be quite common now.

WinterfellWench · 26/12/2018 14:13

YABU obviously.

It's only been a few weeks.

As for the person who said she wrote several thank you letters a day whilst on honeymoon...... Words fail me...... Wink

Bluelady · 26/12/2018 14:22

I think it's rude personally. I don't care about having a photo. I want two lines that say "Thank you for the gift. We appreciate it". Our thank you letters went out within two weeks.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 26/12/2018 14:50

The people you really care about, you thank in person or by the medium that they use/ like most (which may or may not be text/ email these days).

The people you HAVE to thank but don't really care about, get written cards you don't really have to think about.

Not saying any form of thank you is plain rude.

SgtFredColon · 26/12/2018 14:55

Oh crap. I got married on 1st June and sent the last of my thank you cards on 1st December. I thought the rule was 6 months. Blush

SgtFredColon · 26/12/2018 14:57

Some people haven’t given me their gifts yet though and I sent them a thank you card in advance!

Ragwort · 26/12/2018 15:07

Cook would you not be concerned if a cheque you had given had not been cashed? That is the dilemma we face, having given a cheque 3 months ago, it has not been cashed or acknowledged.

I am saddened by the views on this thread, considering how much effort people put into planning their weddings down to the last detail it is disappointing that thanking the guests for the gifts is seen as a ‘chore’. And no one needs a photo of the bride and groom,as others have said, a simple ‘thank you’ by letter, email or text (depending on what the gift giver uses is sufficient) why waste more money on fancy photo thank you cards Hmm?

Ragwort · 26/12/2018 15:08

Those saying ‘it’s only a few weeks’, would you have been happy if your guests took ‘a few weeks’ to respond to your wedding invitation?

luckylavender · 26/12/2018 15:16

Words fail you that someone could find a few minutes to do the right thing. Says it all really.

MrsCar · 26/12/2018 15:23

We usually receive our thank you cards 3 months later.

Although, if I was giving a card with £250 in it, I would make sure to hand deliver the card myself, or post a cheque.
It's far too much money to give to someone else to pass on. Things get misplaced, stolen, people forget to pass them on, etc

FuzzyCustard · 26/12/2018 15:33

The fancy thank you card will sit on my windowsill for 2 days then go in the recycling bin so don't spend ages picking a bloody photo and making it all fancy. Who keeps them fgs? Just send a thank you promptly, it's good manners.

Completely with you here. I don't even like "photo of the wedding" TY cards' I was AT the wedding. I don't need to know what the bride and groom looked like because I saw them, and I'm afraid I shan't keep it as a "memento" either!

Just be prompt (for me, that's within about two months) in a "thank you" and I'll be happy.

animallikeyou · 26/12/2018 15:44

I was really upset when two of my close friends got married and didn’t bother to say or send a thank you.

There’s no excuse IMO.

SgtFredColon · 26/12/2018 15:47

Also I did use photo cards but that’s because we didn’t invite anyone so they hadn’t seen us at the wedding!

ClashCityRocker · 26/12/2018 15:53

We sent a message/email/phonecall to everybody in the days after the wedding to thank them personally for gifts and for coming for the day.

We did do proper thank you cards with a note in them, but they went out around Christmas time - our wedding was early Sept.

45redballoons · 26/12/2018 16:11

I never sent thank you cards, I called to say thank you. I personally don’t care to receive a card with pictures of the wedding day to say thank you. I feel guilty throwing it out, but out it goes as soon as I’ve looked st it. The same with those little baby ones. A text or call is enough for me so I treat others the same.

meditrina · 26/12/2018 16:38

"General rule is a year for a thank you note for a wedding giftGeneral rule is a year for a thank you note for a wedding gift"

That has never, ever been the case!

You write ASAP. You don't need to order special stationery, you could send letters by email to those who you know are OK with paperless.

On a practical note, it really has to be done within about 6weeks - so if the supplier has made a mistake say sent 6 wine glasses when 12 were ordered and paid for) it to be corrected (which also is why specific not generic thanks are required).

People put a great deal into planning a wedding, so it's not actually difficult to allocate time for proper thanks into the overall plan.

(Being able to knock out a decent thank you letter is a valuable life skill - at work as well as socially. And the rarer it becomes, the greater the impact is for those who do them)

FuzzyCustard · 26/12/2018 16:39

Also I did use photo cards but that’s because we didn’t invite anyone so they hadn’t seen us at the wedding!

In which case I'd care even less...no invitation but you got a gift? "Look, here's a picture of ME at an event I didn't ask you to come to".

SgtFredColon · 26/12/2018 16:45

Well I didn’t force them to give me gifts did I? Luckily my friends understood my reasons for not inviting people and quite liked seeing a photo of us (or are good at pretending).

SgtFredColon · 26/12/2018 16:47

People put a great deal into planning a wedding, so it's not actually difficult to allocate time for proper thanks into the overall plan.

I didn’t. And wasn’t expecting any gifts as such a small wedding. So didn’t really think about thank you cards until afterwards. Every wedding I’ve been to I’ve received the thank you cards months later so didn’t know there was any other expectation.

Comeymemo · 26/12/2018 16:50

I’m still waiting for a thank you card from a friend who got married 10 years ago. We were the perfect guests, didn’t attend and just sent money (wedding was abroad and I was pregnant. Also, I knew he had a crush on me. 🙄).

They got divorced last year, so my hopes are getting pretty slim.

SgtFredColon · 26/12/2018 16:51

Also I love getting the photo cards from others and I do keep them forever so didn’t know they were unpopular until this thread.

SgtFredColon · 26/12/2018 16:52

Oh and I should have said I did thank everyone that gave us presents either in person, or by text whenever I got them as well as the formal cards later on.

CripsSandwiches · 26/12/2018 16:55

Words fail you that someone could find a few minutes to do the right thing. Says it all really.

Oh come on it really isn't necessary to waste your honeymoon writing thank you cards! Most people can wait a few weeks. If not I'd have sent a text and written the thank you cards when I got back.

DirtyBlonde · 26/12/2018 17:25

Only thise companies trying to make money from you will say there is any necessity to have cards.

Writing a few lines on any paper you happen to have is fine. The expectation of promot thanks when someone has been kind enough to give you a present iphas been around forever. It should be done as soon as you unwrap - which means in person is fine if the donor is actually there. Letter (or these days email for those donors who prefer it) asa to those who aren't present at that moment (not least as a check that you've been sent the right thing)

"Oh come on it really isn't necessary to waste your honeymoon writing thank you cards"

Thanking people who have wished you well at the start of your married life is never a waste of time. If you have throughtfuo guests who send presents in advan, or arrange for your list to be delivered a week before, you can do all the thanks before the Day (the norm in the twentieth century) or you could go on honeymoon immediately after the wedding (for gifts not received in advance, the clock didn't tick during that one holiday only).

though if course writing to people from your honeymoon does mean you can do it as a kind of postcard+