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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should DD (14) give up her room for MIL over Christmas?

125 replies

Bogger · 24/12/2018 10:12

DP and I have a two year old and I have 3 DC from previous marriage.

When DP’s DM comes to stay DD sleeps on with her two younger brothers. They have a very large room so it’s not cramped - but not ideal, she doesn’t really like sharing with them.

Our 2 year old has his own room with a trundle bed, but dd probably wouldn’t want to sleep in there either.

Should DP’s mum sleep in with 2 year old or should DD give up her room for DP’s mum?

OP posts:
Willow1992 · 24/12/2018 11:50

In that case I would either get 2 yo as tired as I could and just keep moving him back to where he is sleeping in his brothers room if he gets up, or let him fall asleep in his normal bed and then carry him to the other bed.

howabout · 24/12/2018 11:50

Now properly aghast. The 14 yo needs her own space but the DM entertaining her MIL while coping with 4 DC including a hyper 2 yo is expected to move the 2 yo in with her and DP and get no privacy and likely very little sleep?

babydreamer1 · 24/12/2018 11:55

I can never understand why people think this is ok. A bedroom is a personal space. At 14 you really need that as well as privacy. What if she was on ect? She shouldn't even have to allow your partners mother in to her room let alone vacate it for her to sleep there! I'd hate a stranger sleeping in my bed! Move your 2 year old in with you, deal with the consequences of that and leave your poor daughter alone.

toolazytothinkofausername · 24/12/2018 11:56

14yo DD needs her own room.

Longdistance · 24/12/2018 11:56

Wasn’t there a story where there was once ‘no room at the inn’? (Feeling festive) Then mil can book a hotel, it sounds crowded already without mil in the mix 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oysterbabe · 24/12/2018 11:57

Are you suggesting she sleeps in the barn?

Limensoda · 24/12/2018 12:00

Yes, the 14 year old should give up her room. It's not permanent and far better than MIL having to share with a child.
For goodness sake kids aren't expected to put themselves out for anyone these days! She has her own room all year.

Sarahandduck18 · 24/12/2018 12:03

Dont move DD!

2 yo with you or mil in trundle bed with them.

C8H10N4O2 · 24/12/2018 12:09

14yo DD needs her own room

Children don't need their own room. These days many are lucky enough to have them but its not a need.

We always have a houseful at Christmas and musical beds is order of the day, exact configuration depends on whose staying. It isn't for long and compared to the upsides of the visitors its a minor inconvenience.

Have you asked DD how she would feel about sharing with the 2yr old? Or MiL? DD may be fine with it knowing she can use it as a bolt hole at most times of the day. MiL might like sharing with GDC.

Otherwise I'd take the 2yr old in with you as first choice as it causes the least shuffling for everyone else.

C8H10N4O2 · 24/12/2018 12:12

Then mil can book a hotel, it sounds crowded already without mil in the mix

Crowded? 5 people and a toddler in a 4 bed house? You wouldn't want to see how many we pack into ours at Christmas.

I wouldn't be offended at anyone choosing a hotel room but I wouldn't consider telling a grandparent to book into a hotel when its so easy to shuffle people around.

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/12/2018 12:15

Children don't need their own room. These days many are lucky enough to have them but its not a need

The issue isn't the dd having to share a room. It's having to share with her brothers if it was putting her in with another girl or her mum on her own it would of course be perfectly fine.

I Don't seen the issue with moving the toddler. Bet they'd do it to save paying for an extra room on holiday.

kaytee87 · 24/12/2018 12:15

Travel cot in your room for the 2yo

goldengummybear · 24/12/2018 12:23

The problem is that the 14yo is the one who's always moved when MIL stays. While it's ok sometimes, I think that OP should have the 2yo in with her on some of those visits.

Punto1 · 24/12/2018 12:23

No way would I be moving a 2 year old as you risk messing his sleep routine up.
Does the 14 year old mind giving up her room? It seems the best option I guess.

C8H10N4O2 · 24/12/2018 12:24

it's having to share with her brothers

She doesn't have to. She could share with the toddler, or potentially with the MiL, toddler going into her room if it disturbs people at night.

Armchairanarchist · 24/12/2018 12:26

No she shouldn't. I refused to have my MIL stay for this very reason, not that I wanted to be her servant for the next week.

Rafflesway · 24/12/2018 12:27

Best suggestion, IMO, from Dino green!

Is your sofa suitable for sleeping, OP, or do you have an air bed you could put in sitting room for DD? £20 sweetener on top would be brill! Xmas Grin

brizzledrizzle · 24/12/2018 12:30

2 year with you or brothers and mil in his/her room.

AuntMarch · 24/12/2018 12:33

He may settle in our room but he’s a massive fidget and will likely get up and wander about!

So your comfort is more important than your daughter's? I don't think it's unreasonable for kids to give up rooms but I do think when the little ones are probably over excited and over tired during Christmas a teenager needs some respite from it!

Jent13c · 24/12/2018 12:42

Cant you just settle your 2 year old as normal and then his Grandma nip in beside him on the single bed? He will be delighted to have someone to chat to when he wakes up in the morning! I doubt she would disrupt him too much nipping in to sleep if she sets out pjs/soap bag before he goes down. I have an almost 2 yr old (who woke 4x a night for 18m) and just got back from staying with family where he was on a mattress on the floor then inside us for half a night. It might not be your best night sleep but they will eventually fall asleep and cope for a couple days. I'm sure grandma wont mind settling him if he does wake.

All depends on family dynamics but as a 14 y old I wouldnt have taken very kindly about having to share with my brothers. I think I would rather sleep on the couch. Especially as theres a blended fam and it's not actually her grandma.

MirriVan · 24/12/2018 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teateaandmoretea · 24/12/2018 13:48

I'd book her a room at the Premier personally. If I was her I'd want my own space anyway.

Jux · 24/12/2018 13:59

Definitiely 2yo in with you. Dm in his room.

Or 2yo starts in normal room but is moved later into brothers' room and dm in toddler's room.

Or 2 yo in with beothers, dd in 2yo's room and dm in dd's room as usual. Much more mucking about though.

Clearly first option is easiest. I'm sure you and dh can cope with a 2yo waking and trying to wander. You are his parents, after all.

FuzzyCustard · 24/12/2018 14:14

I'm a granny and a MIL and I cannot think of anything worse that being expected to sleep- in the same room as a wandering 2 year old. And as suggested upthread be the person to have to settle him when he wakes in the night, and chat to him in the morning.

I'd sooner sleep in the bath. (an option not yet suggested) At lest that room would have lock on the door and I cold keep the world at bay!

How about MIL has the parents room and they sleep on an air bed in the sitting room?

Santasushi · 24/12/2018 14:18

Can’t you give mil your room and you go in with 2 year old on trundle ?

Why should 14 year old give up her room