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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should DD (14) give up her room for MIL over Christmas?

125 replies

Bogger · 24/12/2018 10:12

DP and I have a two year old and I have 3 DC from previous marriage.

When DP’s DM comes to stay DD sleeps on with her two younger brothers. They have a very large room so it’s not cramped - but not ideal, she doesn’t really like sharing with them.

Our 2 year old has his own room with a trundle bed, but dd probably wouldn’t want to sleep in there either.

Should DP’s mum sleep in with 2 year old or should DD give up her room for DP’s mum?

OP posts:

viques · 24/12/2018 11:03

A two year old at Christmas is not going to be in his usual routine anyway so is bound to be excited and restless, so he might as well be moved as he is going to be disturbing someone wherever he is supposed to be sleeping!

Tippexy · 24/12/2018 11:04

That's because you are being mean.

popcornwizard · 24/12/2018 11:07

I'd put MIL with the toddler. Toddler will be sleeping by the time she climbs into bed.

Hanuman · 24/12/2018 11:08

Can the 14 year old sleep on the trundle but in your room?

I gave up my room all the time as a child and it was fine! I really loved my privacy and would have hated to share long term but a night was no big deal

minisoksmakehardwork · 24/12/2018 11:10

What type of character does your 14 year old have? Will she see it that the progeny of her mum and step dad is favoured by keeping their own room while the half siblings have to share for the baby's grandma?

Or is she generally fine about moving but would rather not share with her brothers?

Personally I would put the 2 year old in your room, in a travel cot if yours is still big enough to limit the moving around (ours was big enough as long as they weren't climbers) , mil in baby's room and dd stays in her room.

Space is important in blended families.

My dsis and I used to share my room when our grandma came to stay. It made sense to put my sister in with me as we were close in age. But moving the oldest to sleep with your youngest doesn't make sense. Move the baby into her room if not yours.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 24/12/2018 11:14

For goodness sake a 14 year old doesn’t need there own space for a couple of day

Well she's more likely to want to go off to her own room to listen to music, chat to friends, just chill out or whatever teenagers do, than the two year old will. Although I know some people think that their children should spend every minute of Christmas with the rest of the family otherwise they are anti-social.

WilburforceRaven · 24/12/2018 11:15

The 2-year-old goes in with you. How mean, to expect everyone else to be inconvenienced but you and your partner.

howabout · 24/12/2018 11:16

Completely disagree with the MN consensus and I have 2 teen DDs.
Late teenagers spend most of their life bunking down on random floors and campsites. No idea how they transition from 14 yos who need their own space?

Moving the 14 yo seems like the least effort and if she doesn't want to share with her bros she can surely use the sofa? Added bonus is she won't be able to spend all of Christmas hiding in her room.

ChocolateStash · 24/12/2018 11:19

Buy a self inflatable mattress for the 14 year-old and put her in your room or her brothers' room. Give your DP's DM her own room for her visit. It's Christmas and the teen will be up later anyway.

WilburforceRaven · 24/12/2018 11:22

Added bonus is she won't be able to spend all of Christmas hiding in her room.

Wow. Big difference between camping with your mates and being shoved out for mom's partner's mum as some afterthought because Mum and her man don't want to be inconvenienced by the toddler they had together. . I have a teen daughter and don't see why she should be bullied into being 'with family' the whole holiday by being shoved on the sofa . FFS, I even like my own space at this time and I'm 50.

ChocolateStash · 24/12/2018 11:22

...I'm inclined to agree about trying to settle the 2 year old. You would spend every naptime and night returning him to his bed.

SaucyJack · 24/12/2018 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 24/12/2018 11:28

Don’t be a cunt. It’s Christmas.

Quite. Possibly a line for the MIL expecting a teenager to be ousted from her own bedroom to accommodate her?

WilburforceRaven · 24/12/2018 11:30

Don’t be a cunt. It’s Christmas.

Exactly, be an adult and put your kids and partner's mum ahead of yourself and your convenience and move your toddler in with you for a few days.

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/12/2018 11:30

It's certainly not a good look to be the only girl in the family is the one that has to give up their room.

That they would make her uncomfortable sharing with boys over parenting the toddler.

DinoGreen · 24/12/2018 11:31

I had to give up my room for my grandmother every Christmas. I could’ve shared with my sister but I preferred to sleep downstairs on my own on the sofa bed. I got fed up with it the older I got and my parents used to sweeten the deal for me by slipping me £20 for not complaining

howabout · 24/12/2018 11:34

Wilbur probably much better the DM's DP's DM has her own room if the 14 yo feels as you are projecting she will. That way she can exit stage left at strategic intervals to give Op's 3 primary relationship DC their own space at strategic intervals. - or perhaps they are a functioning blended family otherwise why on earth would the DM be staying at all?

64ChewsBrains · 24/12/2018 11:36

I would never in a million years make a teenage girl give up her space for a guest while everyone else in the house, older and younger, remains unaffected.

Depends on personality to some degree but for many people, the Christmas pressure to be on best behaviour with a house full of people makes it even more important to have a place to retreat to.

SaucyJack · 24/12/2018 11:36

“It's certainly not a good look to be the only girl in the family is the one that has to give up their room.”

I doubt she’s complaining about being the only for the other 364 days a year when she gets her own room while the brothers have to share.

People are very strange on here about teenagers and bedrooms. It’s one day for Chrissakes.

Roobub · 24/12/2018 11:40

If the 2 yeah old gets up and wanders about in the night you obviously can't put him in with your MIL!!

He'll have to go in with you.

Topseyt · 24/12/2018 11:42

I'd move the toddler in with you too. Use a travel cot or camp bed if you have them and have space, but move toddler anyway.

Toddlers will often be very hyper and out of routine for a few days over Christmas. It really won't harm them to be moved for a couple of nights.

Teenagers have often built their room into their den. Toddlers haven't yet.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/12/2018 11:44

So you have a separate dining room? Could 14yo have blow up in there and tv/ laptop or something?

Agree with others she shouldn't move j to brothers. She needs her own space. But if she doesn't mind moving and this prevents a n overtired toddler being thrown into the mix it's an alternative!

TidyDancer · 24/12/2018 11:45

You either move the toddler or move yourselves. You don't make a teenager give up their room if you're not willing to do it yourselves.

PixiKitKat · 24/12/2018 11:46

One option I haven't seen mentioned. Put the trundle in your room and put MIL on that so you 3 shares and the kids get their rooms as usual

femalepresentingnipples · 24/12/2018 11:48

Who are all these 2 year olds that cope better with a change in routine than a 14 year old?

Definitely need to make moving out more attractive for the 14 year old. Make your room available to her if she needs space and for changing etc. Plus bribery of whatever kind would appeal to her.

Or mother in law in your room, partner in with the boys and you in with the toddler?

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