Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I agreed with DH that we wouldn't 'do Santa' and now I want to. Aibu?

82 replies

Ineedtonamechangenow · 23/12/2018 20:32

DH had a JW upbringing. He's no longer JW and had his first Christmas with me.

He's intensely uncomfortable with the idea of father Christmas. We agreed we would do stockings but not perpetuate the myth that santa exists.

My boys are now one and two and today I realised that I really want to put out a carrot and mince pie and large glass of whiskey . DH straight away and said he didn't want to.

Aibu? We agreed before we had kids and now I'm here I just feel so sad. He's also on about doing a 'deep clean' on boxing Day as we're hosting on the 27th. It doesn't feel like Christmas

OP posts:
KiteMarked · 23/12/2018 20:34

I think that it will quickly get out of his control once they start school, anyway.

We decided not to "do" Santa but here we are now, with TWO elves on the shelf.... eh.

showmeshoyu · 23/12/2018 20:34

How about just having a loving family day together? The kids are too young to care properly anyway and why introduce nonsense if you don't need to?

Curious2468 · 23/12/2018 20:35

Can you compromise and do it as a game/tradition without pretending he is actually real. We always do it as a story and say they get to decide for themselves if it’s true

masterstef · 23/12/2018 20:35

I wouldn't push him into it. Your kids are too young anyway really to understand so you're just doing it for yourself I can understand the temptation though!)

We are starting to do Santa (stocking presents only) but nothing like putting stuff out for him or visiting a grotto... I find all that way ott and unnecessary for a Christmassy Christmas!

paintinmyhairAgain · 23/12/2018 20:35

you need to talk about this and soon. and a deep clean on boxing day for visitors wtf ? pass him the hoover and mop, you enjoy time with dc .

Purpleartichoke · 23/12/2018 20:36

At that age We had stockings and some presents in different paper. We never mentioned Santa. By 3, DD had come to believe in Santa without any input from us. They learn so much from their peers. We decided to go with it and started putting out cookies and such.

JennyHolzersGhost · 23/12/2018 20:36

They’re too young to understand anyway. Save it for later years when you run up against school and friends and stuff and have the discussion again then.

Purpleartichoke · 23/12/2018 20:37

Oh and at 4 I had to go get an elf because all the other kids had one and she was sad to have been left out. I had to say ours got delayed by a snow storm.

JulieBindelAteMyHomework · 23/12/2018 20:37

How about letting the Grinch do the ' deep clean' and you do what you want. He's your husband not your father Hmm

SylvanianFamiliesNurserySet · 23/12/2018 20:37

I was brought up without Father Christmas but we still put a drink out (Mum’s preferred tipple!) and found presents under the tree in the morning. Our parents were always very clear that the presents came from them. I’ve grown up relatively normal I think...... it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, but I think it’s crucial that you and your DH are on the same page.

bellajay · 23/12/2018 20:40

I was brought up in a different, but similarly intense religion and even though I no longer believe at all, a lot of the cultural practices are really hard to let go of. I’d go gently with him and he may come around in the next few years.

Lovingbenidorm · 23/12/2018 20:41

It’s a tricky one op. Thing is you discussed it and agreed, but I fully understand you being sad about it.
The Boxing Day deep clean, on the other hand is monstrous!
Unless you live in a shit tip surely a quick hoover will suffice?

bellajay · 23/12/2018 20:42

The Boxing Day deep clean is outrageous though.

jessstan2 · 23/12/2018 20:42

Make the Santa myth a magical story they can enjoy but don't tell them it's 'true'. It's fun to pretend. That's what I did with mine.

Original poster
Ineedtonamechangenow · 23/12/2018 20:42

He's a Grinch. He just doesn't understand Christmas because he's not lived it. I'm not over the top of commercial massively but a few presents in a pillow case opened in my parents bed, discovering a carrot and mince pie being eaten and trying to listen for sleigh bells. That to me is the magic.

I don't care about elves, expensive santa trains, grottos.

OP posts:
currentcake · 23/12/2018 20:44

That is upsetting to me that your poor children will miss out on what children class as the magical-ness of Christmas!
Don't be so cruel

showmeshoyu · 23/12/2018 20:46

I really, truly, do not get people's obsession with the magic of Christmas. Blush

I'm game for a celebration, but the lies that go with it... not so much.

Imustbemad00 · 23/12/2018 20:51

@showmeshoyu I’m guessing that’s because you didn’t experience it as a child.

ButteryParsnips · 23/12/2018 20:55

Let him do the deep clean by himself and say you're going to watch Christmas TV with the kids.

zarek · 23/12/2018 20:57

I had the same issue with my DW and she was not JW. Christmas traditions from your own childhood are so important. We came to some uneasy compromises. I guess try to do the same. In reality these things are less important than loving parents.

OwlinaTree · 23/12/2018 20:58

showme a bit of magic doesn't do any harm. There's something amazing about Santa when you are a little child that believes.

Stormy76 · 23/12/2018 20:59

You both need to compromise, you had very different upbringings and need to find a happy medium, as he is no longer JW he shouldn't really force his opinion on this. It's fine to agree to something and then change your mind, it happens but don't expect him to be happy with OTT Xmas. Just leave santa out of it for now and get a small tree and some presents and build from there, have a lovely meal and family day and definitely do not scrub your house on Boxing Day.

showmeshoyu · 23/12/2018 21:01

@Imustbemad00 actually I did... I think I must be defective in some way Grin

XmasPostmanBos · 23/12/2018 21:01

I would shelve the Santa thing for now and concentrate on putting a stop to his deep clean nonsense. Boxing day is for putting feet up and relaxing, eating up the leftovers and lots of cheese.

Original poster
Ineedtonamechangenow · 23/12/2018 21:02

I think this is it. He doesn't like the lies. We'll see how next year goes. I'm lucky he's taking three days off over Christmas tbf!!

I happily do all the Christmas prep. Love sending cards and buying gifts. I don't expect him to do any of that as I enjoy doing it and choose to do it. On the other hand, I'd like him to begin to understand how it works for the kids.

He was on about clearing his car on Christmas morning ready to travel but I put my foot down on that one

OP posts: