AIBU to expect him to share the night duties?

[PaperHalo]

First argument for me OH last night!! Out DD is 4 weeks old and OH had just the one week paternity. It’s been just me on the ‘night shift’ pretty much from the get go, he is now of for two weeks over Christmas I thought him being off we would share more of the night stuff... obviously he can’t feed her as I am BF but the settling and changing... he had a solid 8 hours Friday night after being out from lunchtime with him works Christmas do, which is obviously fine but then last night after staying up with her until 01.30 so I could get a 90 mini nap before the next feed he then went to take himself off to sleep in the spare bed room for the rest of the night!! I’m not sure what I want or expected but I had at least thought we might both sleep in the same bed so it’s not just the same old same old me alone in the bed room trying to wake a sleeping baby to feed it with my eyes on stalks trying not to drop the baby when I nod off!!
AIBU? Should he be helping me?

I agree with getting LO checked for Tongue tie by someone trained to do it properly.

Did you manage to call one of the BFing Helplines Paper? We’re they able help? Are you feeding from both sides at each feed?

Have a read of How might I increase my baby’s weight gain too.

This on Feeding sleepy babies might help too

Could you pump in advance, store in the fridge and then hand baby over to DH to cup feed at night as soon as you've finished bfing?

My DS wS only tiny born (5lb 14 think that's about 2.6kg ) he was slightly jaundice also, it is a worrying time and exhausting when EBF.
I never seen the point of getting DH up as he couldn't feed and didn't see the point of us both being tired, then he was back in work, so definitely wouldn't be getting him up. We never slept in separate beds for any of the pregnancy or after the birth.

But you case seems slightly different, I'm not quite sure what cup feeding is ( I have assumed it is milk and trying to get them drink it out of a cup) if he knows how to try and do this and would wake up when baby did then he could definitely do that, but you would you still not be up a lot BF. I woke up when baby did anyway so it wouldn't have worked, I would have still been disturbed.

Is it an option for you to go back to bed in the day and get a good sleep, you could do this everyday for 2 weeks and get some sleep, maybe that would work better ?

I absolutely do see the point of partners helping at night. It is emotionally exhausting to do that alone night after night and breeds resentment eventually.
I breastfed but introduced bottles of expressed milk fairly early on. I would get some sleep between 7 and midnight-ish and DH would stay up with the babies and feed them expressed milk and cuddle them or whatever was needed. At midnight he'd put them down in the basket next to me and I'd deal with the rest of the night. He would sleep midnight until 7.30 then be perfectly well rested for work.
I've seen many an entitled and unhelpful husband- they should do what they can and not leave women to crack with exhaustion by not helping at any point.

That’s really helpful Jiltedjohnsjulie I’ve jut read either of those before and they were definitely worth the read. I think I will ask about tongue tie again next time someone is out to see me as she does struggle for a good deep latch almost all of the time. Ive tried calling the bf helpline and there has been ‘no one available’ each time I’ve called but I was able to message them and they reply quite quickly so that’s been really helpful too.

All of these replies are really helpful, I think a lot of the time as a new mum you just need to know you’re not alone...

I think I will ask about tongue tie again next time someone is out to see me. If you think that your LO has some or all of the symptoms of tongue tie I’d try to find someone who can assess them sooner, if you can. Maybe DH could help out by taking LO out for a walk while you phone or calling them himself?

My DC1 had tongue tie, even though we were told many times by the MWs and HVs that he defintely hadn’t.

If it is that, and you get it divided, it may totally change the experience you’ve had BFing so far

Is there a LLL near to you too? The La Leche League Leader shoukd be able to help

Have you tried Breast Compressions too when you feed her?

Yes we do compressions to keep her awake and interested!!

Thanks for the tongue tie links, I will get I touch. We have been told she doesn’t have one but I’d rather be told twice and know for sure...