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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be worried about DP

117 replies

Thesepreciousthings · 23/12/2018 04:09

My DP went out with the boys for Christmas drinks last night. No problem whatsoever with that obviously. He doesn’t go out all that often but does enjoy a drink.

Over recent years he has calmed down a lot, doesn’t enjoy drinking until the early hours and is quite sensible. I text him at 11:30pm to say goodnight, he text me straight back saying he’d be home within the hour.

Just woke up needing the loo (joys of pregnancy!) and he’s not back yet. Tried calling him, went straight to voicemail. Tried again 5 mins later and it rang but no answer. Panicking I call a few more times and it goes straight to voicemail each time but rings on one occasion with no answer. He doesn’t use Facebook but his best friend updated his story 5 hours ago with a picture of the gang. DP never, ever turns his phone off and he charged it before he left. He hates nightclubs but I get that a pub or bar could also be noisy.

I don’t begrudge him a night out ever. I am worried though, his text at 11:30 was clear and concise so he didn’t come across as if he was hammered and I am am fairly confident that he wouldn’t have got carried away.

I am worst case scenario. (I have severe MH problems with anxiety). It’s juat so out of character and I can’t get back to sleep I’m so worried.

OP posts:
MrsGg8 · 23/12/2018 06:11

Sounds like he just got carried away enjoying his night, annoying yes but sounds like nothing untoward happened. Hope you can get some rest now Smile

Northernparent68 · 23/12/2018 06:25

Monty do you really think people should Reprimand their partners ? Does your partner reprimand you ?

ResistanceIsNecessary · 23/12/2018 06:32

Sounds like he got carried away. It happens.

The soaking wet walk home followed by a raging hangover sounds as if it will be punishment enough. I wouldn't be unsympathetic but I would be brisk - he can look after himself. And once he's had a bit of sleep and is sober, I'd be nicely pointing out to him that drunk or not, being arsey with you because you were worried about him is completely unacceptable behaviour.

CaptainsYuleLog · 23/12/2018 06:47

Telling a selfish, thoughtless prick that he's selfish, thoughtless prick is stating a truth not reprimanding. If people behave like cunts they need to be told exactly what they are.

BucketLid · 23/12/2018 06:53

Ah give him a break!

Purplelion · 23/12/2018 06:57

My OH went out yesterday midday and isn’t home. This is his 1st night out this year!
I heard from him at about 10:30 last night, he will phone me when he wants picking up. Personally I wouldn’t have worried if I were you. I would have slept and worried this morning, just presumed he was enjoying himself! I’m also pregnant and have insomnia but actually slept for 8 hours last night!

TheVanguardSix · 23/12/2018 07:10

I'd be fuming too, OP.
But at least he's unharmed AND he doesn't have a habit of this type of behaviour. I mean 4 years ago was the last time he acted like a prat.
Catch up on your sleep. It's not worth arguing about, tbh.

The drink is nobody's friend. It sounds like your DP knows this having walked home in the spills of rain. That sobered him up a bit! Wink

Ullupullu · 23/12/2018 07:26

"can't talk right now" is the generic message the phone suggests when you click to reject a call - he probably thought he was being helpful by swiping to that so he at least acknowledged your call. Why have you only managed two hours sleep?

Ullupullu · 23/12/2018 07:27

Do you have kids to look after tomorrow OP? This would be totally unfair if you do, but if you don't... why can't he have a night out?

Mondaytired · 23/12/2018 07:30

How far is he walking Op?

thecatsabsentcojones · 23/12/2018 07:33

Nothing worse than the gut wrenching panic of 'where the hell is he?'. I had this last year, was going demented as my berk husband is the type to fall asleep on the train and end up at the depot somewhere, turns out he had gone to sleep somewhere else in the house!

Deadbudgie · 23/12/2018 07:39

If my DH didn’t sound drunk at 11 then went awol til 4am and sounded out of character I’d wonder what he was doing too. Hope he’s back now op. Could he have gone to a strip club? This happened to someone I know recently, he thinks he was drugged in the club and his bank account was £500 lighter! Talk to him and find out what happened

Ullupullu · 23/12/2018 08:30

Could he have gone to a strip club? This happened to someone I know recently, he thinks he was drugged in the club and his bank account was £500 lighter!

Amazing the yarns people will believe! A drunken fool and their money are easily parted

Shoxfordian · 23/12/2018 08:35

He probably did plan to go home and then the night just developed so he stayed out, happens to most of us

HJWT · 23/12/2018 08:36

The only place still open at 4 am were I live is the strip clubs! So I'd be wacking my other half round the head with a shoe 😂😂😂

fernandoanddenise · 23/12/2018 08:44

But isn’t he allowed out?
What’s he done so wrong? Not text back? He was drunk. Pressed the wrong button on his phone? He was drunk and out.
Unless you’re feeling that he can’t be relied on and you don’t trust him - which is a bigger problem than a night out- then I don’t see what the issue is beyond mild annoyance that you were worried? He went out and went with the flow and stayed out later than he thought. Missing work is shit of him - but that’s on him to sort and deal with.

SushiMonster · 23/12/2018 08:49

Could he have gone to a strip club? This happened to someone I know recently, he thinks he was drugged in the club and his bank account was £500 lighter

Ah ha , ha ha, ha

So basically love, what happened was, some one drugged me, walked me into a strip club - of which I have no memory - and stole a huge amount of cash I just happened to have in my wallet.

Trans stallion - I got super pissed, went into a strip club and spent a shot load on drinks and dances.

DerelictWreck · 23/12/2018 09:08

Did he come home OP?

Hoping everything's ok

MyOtherProfile · 23/12/2018 09:14

I'm shocked some people wouldn't have worried. With the OP. If he had texted at 11 saying I'm making a night of it don't wait up, we'll that would habe been one thing. But texting and saying I'll be home in an hour then not being home 5 hours later is really worrying and I would have been trying to track him down too in case something bad had happened. Especially if it was out of character.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 23/12/2018 09:31

I'd go spare with worry if he said he'd be home then wasn't. I'm glad he's ok, I'm extra sensitive about these cases as a friend went missing after a night of drinking with was out of character, he unfortunately wasn't so lucky and was actually found dead.
I'd go out for the day then return and speak to him calmly about it all. You're in the right, if he wanted to go on that's fine but sending a text to that effect would've negated all the worry and stress you went through. Selfish bastard needs to apologise big time!

LoniceraJaponica · 23/12/2018 09:39

"But texting and saying I'll be home in an hour then not being home 5 hours later is really worrying"

I agree. I think some women are used to lower standards of consideration and respect from their partners. If it is an out of character thing then it is natural to worry.

MyOtherProfile · 23/12/2018 09:48

I think some women are used to lower standards of consideration and respect from their partners.

Hadn't thought of it like this. I just thought some women were particularly relaxed and optimistic. But I actually think you're right. If I wanted to stag out all night (I don't!) I'd be surprised if dh objected but if I went out for an evening then decided to stay hours longer I would absolutely let him know.

LoniceraJaponica · 23/12/2018 09:51

It's the not knowing. Sometimes I will say to OH I don't know what time I will be back, rather than say that I will be back at a certain time. I don't think there is anything wrong in staying out until the early hours as long as you are clear about it.

H1dingInSight · 23/12/2018 11:43

Is he back yet?

FissionChips · 23/12/2018 12:05

Trans stallion

Sarah Jessica Parker?