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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried about DP

117 replies

Thesepreciousthings · 23/12/2018 04:09

My DP went out with the boys for Christmas drinks last night. No problem whatsoever with that obviously. He doesn’t go out all that often but does enjoy a drink.

Over recent years he has calmed down a lot, doesn’t enjoy drinking until the early hours and is quite sensible. I text him at 11:30pm to say goodnight, he text me straight back saying he’d be home within the hour.

Just woke up needing the loo (joys of pregnancy!) and he’s not back yet. Tried calling him, went straight to voicemail. Tried again 5 mins later and it rang but no answer. Panicking I call a few more times and it goes straight to voicemail each time but rings on one occasion with no answer. He doesn’t use Facebook but his best friend updated his story 5 hours ago with a picture of the gang. DP never, ever turns his phone off and he charged it before he left. He hates nightclubs but I get that a pub or bar could also be noisy.

I don’t begrudge him a night out ever. I am worried though, his text at 11:30 was clear and concise so he didn’t come across as if he was hammered and I am am fairly confident that he wouldn’t have got carried away.

I am worst case scenario. (I have severe MH problems with anxiety). It’s juat so out of character and I can’t get back to sleep I’m so worried.

OP posts:

fatpord · 23/12/2018 04:52

Are you anxious that he's okay - safety wise? Cross that he's got so drunk? Or worried that he's doing something he shouldn't be?

blackcat86 · 23/12/2018 04:59

What a prick. My ex used to do this and I found it such a turn off. It's completely irresponsible and shows that he's more interested in a good time than worrying you (as he said he'd be home).

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 23/12/2018 05:00

“He doesn’t go out all that often”
“I don’t begrudge him a night out ever”
Yet you have been texting him consistently since 11? It is Xmas, let him have a night out without checking on him every 5 minutes, I would be fucking pissed off too if I couldn’t enjoy a night out without being mithered.

PeanutButterLips · 23/12/2018 05:06

The 'can't talk right now ' text is normal when someone rejects a call and then you can opt to send a txt and he chose that.

H1dingInSight · 23/12/2018 05:08

Where on earth do you get constant texting from?

She texted at 11ish - once - to say good night and he replied. She went to bed and fell asleep, expecting him home shortly. She woke at 4ish and realised he wasn’t home after all, and at that point tried to contact him.

Hardly constant texting.

fatpord · 23/12/2018 05:10

Sorry WereYouHareWhenIWasFox (Cool name btw) I don't agree. Mithered? Sounds like 'nagging'. WTF could someone be doing at 5am?

fatpord · 23/12/2018 05:11

Quite H1dingInSight

Harmonyrays · 23/12/2018 05:13

He's probably feeling sorry for himself and knows what's coming so is avoiding

HJWT · 23/12/2018 05:15

Wow sounds great when your also pregnant!! I think I would of packed DH bags at this point if he gave me attitude after I'd sat worried about him....

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 23/12/2018 05:18

WTF could someone be doing at 5am? drinking/partying/enjoying 8 hours of freedom? It does not necessarily mean there is anything untoward going on. Just give him one night off!

ihopeyouwitchesareready · 23/12/2018 05:22

hope he is home soon op. xx

costacoffeecup · 23/12/2018 05:23

I am massively relaxed about DP going out. This would piss me off. Having a go at op for ringing at 4am when he said he'd be back at 12 is just not on. Especially if he's working the next day - if course you would be worried. Could he be in trouble at work if he doesn't turn up?

MrsTerryPratcett · 23/12/2018 05:24

Had a go at me and hung up.

That's not cool.

Imalittleelf · 23/12/2018 05:24

Nah I'm with op. The prat said he would be home within the our at 11.30. So I would expect my dh in around 1-1.30.

4.30 and he hasn't come home, doesn't answer calls, when he does is a rude bastard..... he would be on the sofa for a few nights and given the cold shoulder unless a reasonable explanation.

It could be that he ended up in hospital either for him or a mate or something alot worse . Either way there is no excuse to be rude and shout at your tired pregnant partner.

Respect works both ways

Imalittleelf · 23/12/2018 05:25

Op I hope you have managed to get some sleep and your useless lump came home to meet his comeuppance

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 23/12/2018 05:31

No, of course she can be pissed pff. (Despite what she said in her OP, we can change our minds at any time!) but why is she worried? That makes no sense.

flumpybear · 23/12/2018 05:43

He's working today / tomorrow as in Sunday and he's still out 😱 is he 19?! Bloody hell

just a thought but Does he take drugs by any chance/used to? the only clubs I know that stay open beyond the usual hours are druggy places - albeit I've not been and am thinking back to uni days here so perhaps not the best person to comment

53rdWay · 23/12/2018 05:44

She was worried because he said he’d be home within the hour then still wasn’t home when she woke up 5 hours later. She wasn’t texting him continuously for all that time, read the OP.

Thesepreciousthings do not lift a finger to help with his hangover when he finally rolls in, and make sure you tell him exactly why once he sobers up as he probably won’t even remember.

LoudJazzHands · 23/12/2018 05:48

I wouldn't be sleeping either, if I was you, OP. I hope he's home now and you're asleep.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 23/12/2018 05:48

But he called her less than half an hour after she posted. It is annoying, but how is it worrying?

FestiveNut · 23/12/2018 05:51

Glad he's OK, OP. Hope you're getting some rest.

Llioed · 23/12/2018 05:54

Op
I hope you are ok? If my DH did this, it would be very out of character for him. I’m sure your DP will be home soon, and have an explanation about why he stayed out - maybe he got carried away...?
Take care and look after yourself.

katykins85 · 23/12/2018 05:58

I hope he's home now so you can stop worrying OP.

swingofthings · 23/12/2018 06:00

OK so he went over the age, had that one extra drink that someone probably put I front of him that took him from coming home in 1/2 hour to not having a clue what he is doing.

I agree the text was probably automated. I sent one like this to my son wondering how it happened as I certainly hadn't typed those words.

He did contact you so you know he is alive. I don't think it deserve being very angry. I long stopped expe ting my OH to come home when he says he will after a night out. If he has a hangover in the morning, I just think he deserves it.

The only concern is you saying that he is supposed to go to work this morning? Then he is indeed an idiot.

Original poster

Thesepreciousthings · 23/12/2018 06:01

Er I text him once, at 11. That’s not exactly constant texting. I worried because he said he’d be home in an hour and when I woke up he wasn’t home. Yes, I was worried about his safety as it’s very out of character. Don’t begrudge him a night out at all and probably wouldn’t have been concerned if he had said he’d be back late or even not text me at 11 at all.

He’s 33 . He’s self employed so no one to answer to. No way I’ll be letting him drive though.

He just called, 6am! Saying he was sorry but he’s walking home (ran out of cash for a taxi) and he’s soaking wet and miserable - apparently it’s karma for ignoring me.

Right

Anyway, you can’t reason with a drunkard so I’ll let him sleep it off and then say my bit.

2 hours sleep I’ve managed.

OP posts:

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