To be annoyed re: sympathy card.

[Cheeeeislifenow]

Very long long story but, I was really really good friends with a woman, ten years plus. I was her bridesmaid. She was a godmother to my child. We lived in each other pockets. Very very close. About three years ago we had a terrible falling out. I won't go into it but I ended the friendship and she made it clear I was not welcome to contact her, she blocked me on everything.
Fast forward to now.
I found out on the grapevine that her mother was terminally ill.
Her mother died yesterday I am very upset she was a great lady and I would not want to wish such an horrific thing on anyone.
I am not going to the funeral as I feel it would only upset my ex friend and I would not be well received.
My husband thinks I should go to pay my respects,I think it is more respectful to keep my distance as funeral's are for the living and not the dead.
He has dropped in a sympathy card signed by me this evening. I am very annoyed. He had no right to.
By the way DH had very little relationship with ex friend..only knew her through me etc.
Aibu to be annoyed with him! Do you think I should go to funeral?

I would be furious

And no
I don’t think you should go to the funeral

A letter. A short, kind, thoughtful letter

He shouldn't have sent a card and you should absolutely NOT go to the funeral. Why would you even think that's appropriate? Talk about causing drama at the absolute worst time.

He was doing the right thing on your behalf but i think he shoukd have let you do it.

I wouldn't go to the funeral as it might upset your friend, but wouldn't be annoyed about the card. I would have actually sent her a card if it was me. He could have asked you first but her mum has died. Perspective.

Aquamarine, it's not OP causing the drama.

OP, he had no right to do that. I would go scorched earth on him.

I have perspective, if she sees me in the street she turns the other way.
I will quietly pay my respects to her mum myself
I feel if I sent a card etc it would only annoy her.

I was contacted by an ex friend after my mum died, and it made me angry as it felt like she was using the death of my mum to weasel her way back in.

You / your husband shouldn't have contacted her and definitely do not go to the funeral.

I wish people would read the thread the ok said she was not going to the funeral so you can all pull your angry judgy pants out of your ass.

I think your st was trying to be nice. A little mad but I wouldn't hold it against him.

The funeral will be a blur for your friend, she won't register who's there. If you'd like to pay your respects do it. I'd be cross about the card.

Aquamarine

I said I'm not going.

Am I right I need thinking he wrote your name on a card, rather than you actually signed it? I think he was trying to do a good thing; let it go. Your friend knows you were thinking of her mum.

My ex friend of 25 years sent a card to my dad (nothing to me nor did it have my name on it) saying she was very sorry when my mum died last year. To put it into context she was sleeping with my partner and the love of my life and left her husband and he left me in 2013, they are now married.

I took that card and with my dads consent I ripped it into tiny pieces and I posted it to her.

If she had turned up at the funeral people had instructions to make sure she was put out.

Your DH thought he was doing a good thing, however misguided. You have made your feelings known, so if I was you, I would just let it go.

No one but no one has the right to 'do the right thing' on someone else's behalf. By default, this makes it the wrong thing. Particularly when this is done in a clandestine manner and without consulting that person.

I don't think this is something I'd see as a relationship deal-breaker, but it might very well stray into temporary 'sleeping on the sofa' territory. As to your estranged friend, by far the best and kindest thing to do is nothing. You can't take back the gesture, frustrating though it is that you never made it, but any further content is unlikely to negate any anger or distress it may have caused and can only heighten it.

Well-meaning interferers are such an annoying breed!

Your husband was totally unreasonable. It wasn't his place to do this.

YANBU at all

what a bonkers thing to do!

What a strange thing for your husband to do - is he usually such an interfering busy-body? What did he say in his defence? You are undoubtedly right to be furious!

Am I right I need thinking he wrote your name on a card, rather than you actually signed it? I think he was trying to do a good thing; let it go. Your friend knows you were thinking of her mum.

I really doubt she will see it that way. She hates me I am not fond of her either at all. And she knows it.

What the actual fuck?!

No he should not have done this and I’d be absolutely livid with him.

Let it go.

God, he wants a slap. Had something similar last week, old friend died, we had a falling out and it was never the same. I couldn't go to funeral, very mixed feelings. These things are hard because you feel regret and loss but also anger and resentment, difficult mixtures. Your feelings should not be denied, even if dh doesn't agree, where does he get off signing your name?

Did he actually forge your signature on the card?

I'd be fucking incandescent with rage and would be giving him the bollocking of his life. Stupid twat!

Did he actually forge your signature on the card?

Well he didn't try to pass it off as my signature but wrote From...Mr. Cheee, cheeee and family