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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should have bloody looked??

105 replies

CmdrIvanova · 22/12/2018 15:29

Walked up to the till to pay in a busy crowded cafe. Man at the till waiting to be seated took his jacket off without looking to see if there was anyone else.around him. Removed it in the most overdramatic manspreading way imaginable and walloped me hard in the ear. Its still throbbing an hour later.

OP posts:
NotTerfNorCis · 22/12/2018 16:34

I was on the tram once, a man stumbled backwards, stamped hard on my foot and didn't apologise. It bloody hurt. I shoved him and he turned around and gave me a mouthful of racial abuse. Next day I was on another tram, and by coincidence another man stumbled and trod on my foot. This one was full of apologies, even though he looked twice as hard as the first one.

NotTheFordType · 22/12/2018 16:35

Is it still hurting OP? I don't want to be "dramatic" Hmm but the last thing you want is a painful ear infection/damage for Xmas.

If it's still hurting tomorrow morning I'd call 111 for advice.

And I don't think you're being dramatic or angry. If someone's taking off something bulky that they need space for, they should be aware of their surroundings. You wouldn't, for example, reverse your car out of a space without looking.

Last year, the weekend before Xmas I went into a popular discount store with my son to buy decorations. Without thinking, I had put on my big backpack - it's roomy and more comfortable for me than carrying a handbag. The shop was packed and I suddenly realised that everytime I turned around I was narrowly missing hitting other people. I ended up leaving the shop and putting my backpack in the car, then going back just with my purse.

It doesn't take much effort to be thoughtful to other human beings sharing the same space.

stabulous · 22/12/2018 16:38

Sorry most people are being dismissive @CmdrIvanova. I'd be pissed off too. He sounds like an absent minded tosser. People don't bloody think anymore.

Original poster
CmdrIvanova · 22/12/2018 16:38

Its throbbing gently on the jawbone just below my ear, and the ear feels all blocked up. Am.sure it will be fine.

I did actually have a woman reverse out of a parking space without looking, straight into the side of my car. She seemed to think it was my fault, despite the fact that I was driving in a straight line, and I was horribly unreasonable making her late for the school run.

OP posts:
GallicosCats · 22/12/2018 16:39

This sort of thing brings on a noradrenaline rush in response to the pain - that's a fight or flight (but mostly fight) hormone. It accounts for your feelings of rage and also explains why banging my forehead on a cupboard door makes me feel like I want to bash the door to splinters. (I restrain myself though - I can't afford a new kitchen just yet. Grin)

Original poster
CmdrIvanova · 22/12/2018 16:40

I'm really really not angry though. I felt rather weepy afterwards, but not angry.

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 22/12/2018 16:51

OP, you shouldn't use the word bloody if you're not angry - it's an angry word! Yes, of course he should have looked. Have you never in your entire life done something thoughtlessly and entirely unmaliciously? Hopefully he was very apologetic, but it's not as if he can take it back now, is it, nor is he likely to do it again in the near future, because he will know not to be so thoughtless next time. You stewing over it is therefore utterly pointless and just raising your blood pressure for no good reason.

knittedjest · 22/12/2018 16:52

Was it a chain mail jacket? Surely that's the only sort of jacket thing that warrants such dramatics when it hits you.

SantasBassoon · 22/12/2018 16:53

If you've been deafened by a blow, you need to get it looked at.

Did he apologise?

nicoala1 · 22/12/2018 16:54

Sorry to hear of your incident. Hope you will be better soon.

People often do strange things without noticing the effects on those around them, bubble mentality I call it!

Anyway I have my coffee and bun at home these days, far safer for everyone, as I can be clumsy as well as suffering from severe vertigo that comes on like a light!

Happy Christmas everyone.

SantasBassoon · 22/12/2018 16:55

OP, you shouldn't use the word bloody if you're not angry - it's an angry word!

To be fair, it's an everything from elated to apoplectic word for me.

Original poster
CmdrIvanova · 22/12/2018 16:55

See I would say that bloody was a grumpy or disgruntled word, rather than angry. And no, he wasn't wildly apologetic. I got a glance, a dismissive 'sorry', and a sneer. I'm not stewing or making a big deal out of it particularly. Just discussing. In a discussion forum. Getting it off my chest. If DH wasn't at work, I would have discussed it with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
CmdrIvanova · 22/12/2018 16:56

Oh it wasn't the jacket that hit me. It was a fist or elbow. Possibly elbow. But definitely bony body part on bony body part.

OP posts:
WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 22/12/2018 16:56

YANBU OP. He should have looked behind him first, no excuse for flailing arms around at a till. Hope your ear feels better soon

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/12/2018 16:57

Why use the Angry face if you're not angry.
Just own the fact you were/are. Who cares.

AngelsSins · 22/12/2018 16:58

OP you seem to have forgotten your place in the world. As a woman, you should have apologised to the poor man, just going about his important day, shuffled away, forgotten about his actions and cheerfully blamed yourself for being so stupid.

Whereisthecoffee · 22/12/2018 17:00

I hope you feel better soon. I’m dyspraxic and struggle with not being spacialky aware often not everyone is being ignorant

Readytogogogo · 22/12/2018 17:00

YANBU. He should have looked. I didn't realise until I was heavily pregnant (and couldn't move quickly) how much of the time I would move out of the way of others to avoid collisions. And yes, they were mainly men.

Sarahjconnor · 22/12/2018 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 22/12/2018 17:03

Yanbu op.

People have such funny responses to such things in the uk. You are expected to ignore your pain and not be upset or annoyed at all.

I had a very big man fall on me on the tube. I had put my arm out to protect myself. He sprained my wrist falling on it. He didn’t say sorry and when I tried to tell him he had hurt me the girl/lady next to me launched into a tirade about how I was being dramatic, abusive as I had called him ‘big’ and attention seeking. I was doing none of things - he had just hurt me!!!! I was then really upset by her and in pain.

BearToWin · 22/12/2018 17:04

My daughter was punched on the nose today by one of my customers taking his coat off...I gave her a cuddle and told her to be more aware of her surroundings, customer apologised.

OP take some lessons from PP here:

  1. Apologise for not assessing your surroundings
  2. Apologise for saying he didn't apologise
  3. Apologise for not cleaning his jacket as it touched your wax filled ear
  4. Apologise for not giving a blow job straight after!!
Original poster
CmdrIvanova · 22/12/2018 17:04

Why does my emotional state matter to you so much GreatDuck? if I was angry i would freely own it, it would be not unreasonable. But I'm not.

OP posts:
EatShitBoswell · 22/12/2018 17:08

JellieBellie what's your problem? You're the one who sounds angry.

OP YANBU of course you're upset, most people would be if they were on the receiving end of a wallop because some idiot flails his arms around taking his jacket off. I don't know why some people on here are so hostile, there's no need for it. I hope your ear feels better soon. Did he at least apologise to you?

nocoolnamesleft · 22/12/2018 17:15

YANBU. He caused you (minor) injury by being either too selfish or too self absorbed to glance over his shoulder before waving his arms around.

But of course, as a woman, you should have leaped out of the way, apologised, then hung up his jacket for him.

EatShitBoswell · 22/12/2018 17:15

greatDuck "who cares"

😂😂😂 you do obviously, a great deal because you're like a dog with a bone here! Just let it go, don't be surprised if op says it still hurts and she's not feeling angry at the moment just sore...accept it