Or is life a bit shit for women?

[cosytidy]

90% of childcare falls to me
80% oh housework/family admin falls to me
90% of Christmas stuff falls to me
I earn less now than I did when I graduated so I can have a part time job
100% of bill paying falls to me
100% of financial planning falls to me

Am I right to feel like a mug & pissed off? Or do men struggle too?

To put into context my DH works 60hrs a week & earns double my salary. However he's also caused us to be in significant debt.

I know I'm lucky to have lovely healthy children & I adore them but fuck me life feels tough.

well I think that sounds a bit shit but that's just shit for one person.
Personally I have a great life most of the time,.
I'm not sure what being a woman has to do with you paying bills/ financial planning?

Not All Women.

a depressingly large part, sure. But it is possible to have a more equal relationship.

My life is similar plus I work full time but then DH is out working from 6am-8pm every weekday and works most weekends so I wouldn’t much like his life either.

Depends on what you're prepared to allow/put up with. If he is a high earner, why are you paying 100% of the bills? I can understand more re the childcare and housework, because a 60 hour work week is hard (I used to do them). But the bills thing sounds unequal?

I work with children and I see the equality between the sexes in games and play. The girls are as fast as the boys, as agile, as strong. All the children want to be bigger, taller and stronger. When the girls start to develop it makes me feel quite sad for them.

Not all women. Some have DH that actually pull their weight with the kids and round the house.

Yabu that is just your situation.

I do about 50% of chores (probably slightly less if I'm honest).
No children therefore no childcare
About 60% of family admin
100% fairly low-key Christmas (because my dp would quite happily not bother).

Your situation is a choice and you have the power to change it.

I’m a woman and have a great life.

Sounds like you have a shit husband.

I'm not dismissing or denying the fact that life is indeed unfair for a lot of women. There is, generally, a massive gap in pay between men and women and this is largely due to the fact that lots of women take long maternity leaves, often more than once, and then go part-time when they return to the workplace.

Having said all that though, you shouldn't feel like you have to give up your life when you have children simply because you're a woman.

In our house, both dh and I work full-time as well as share the childcare, housework, bill paying and the general day-to-day running of the household. We do that because it's fair. When one of us is off work, they do more around the house regardless of whether that's me or him.

If you're working too then he needs to step up and do more of his fair share. He's letting you take on the majority not because he's a man but because you're allowing it.

It doesn't have to be like that. I'm a sahm and DH works 47hrs, he's a high earner. I do:
80% of childcare
60% of housework/admin
60% of Christmas stuff
Part of that is because I'm breastfeeding a bottle-refusing baby so I have to do the night feeds, he'd be more than willing to do more if DD was willing!
DH pays 90% of the bills and does 80% of financial planning.

YANBU.

I hear ya.

Struggling with an argumentative and lazy teenager here.

So, yeah, doing it all and feeling like a . Thats mug, not tea.

Off to bed for the afternoon.

Goodnight!

I would say that most women do struggle, but you seem to have a shittier deal than most, OP.

Would you not be better off as a single parent?

YABU. My life is great. Largely because I don't have kids, to be fair.

Yanbu, sure it doesn't have to be that shit, but in honesty it is for apx 95% women I know personally.

He works 60 hours a week, he’s not exactly sat on his arse fishing.

And really, in this day and age, how can admin and bill paying be a mammoth task? You set up a direct debit or you transfer cash and make a payment. 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yep I agree with you.

My DH does his fair share of the house work to be fair to him, loads dishwasher daily, tidies and takes bins out. He works full time in a job he loves with good potential for progression, and is studying a masters on top. He has an active social life and lots of friends / hobbies.

I'm in every evening with DC, work part time in a job I'm over qualified for and don't enjoy. Purely so I can be around for school pick up & sick days etc. I have no money for myself, we only have a joint account which I feel I can't use for things for myself.. And no social life at all. Feels very lonely and like I'm missing out on life. I love my DC so very much. I feel like I can't win sometimes

This isn’t about being a woman.
This is about you having a rubbish husband.

What will you do to change it?

It is nothing to do with your sex. It is down to the life choices you and your dh have made. I earn more than dh and work longer hours, he does almost all of the housework and cooking, all of the shopping and bill paying etc That is the way we do things, it works for us, but is not for everybody.

Only if you let it.

I massively out earn my husband and he earns more than the national average.

I probably do a little more in terms of household chores but it’s relatively balanced. Most importantly I feel valued in what I do.

I buy for my family and leave him to his, we both work full time I’m not his secretary!

Childcare will fall to me initially as I’m about to start maternity leave but his job is more flexible so when I go back to work he’ll pick up more of the wraparound care.

I work pt DC are at secondary. I have health conditions. I do 98% of cleaning (big hairy dog)/1930’s House, food planning, shopping, cooking, washing, ironing, dog walking big dog, taxiing the kids.
I do all organising holidays, organising socialising, communicating with his mum, buying birthday present and card buying and posting for both sides. Looking after my elderly parents. DH’s mums lives 3 hours away.

DH works long hours 12 hour days and he’s shattered I am also shattered and feel like it’s Groundhog Day (House always looks and feels a mess) we really need to reorganise, de clutter, repair, replace things and redecorate/repaint inside and out but DH earns a much lower wage than he did so can’t afford to pay anyone to redecorate on a major scale and I am pretty rubbish on the decorating front.
DH does the budgeting and bill paying from joint account but all automised with direct debits/standing orders apart from credit card so not too onerous.
But I think a women’s lot is compounded around Christmas time.

That's your situation and what you choose to tolerate. I wouldn't be in your situation. I chose to marry someone who sees me as an equal partner not a doormat

No, your husband is shit. Why put up with it?

No children yet, but we will split as evenly as possible when it arrives. I'm confident he'll do anything that I can't as he has while I've been pregnant.
Housework is split fairly evenly - he does all the cooking and food shops, and helps with big cleans. I keep the house ticking over.

He's just done the Christmas food shop and he bought all his family's gifts. I did mine and the tree/house decorating.
I will probably drop a day after mat leave, but that's my choice and I worked hard at my career to have something to go back to (management position).
Our bills are paid by direct debit, I rarely think about them.
We plan financial stuff together, though he does more as he's very good at maths.

And I do the never ending recycling, emptying and refilling dishwasher, checking in with the kids that they are ok worrying about them and moaning at them to pick up after themselves make beds, put clothes in washing basket do homework etc etc.

Nah,

We both work full time. He does equal childcare, equal bill paying, equal housework. He just finished the Xmas shopping (I will wrap).

I do more mental load stuff but he does more of the sporadic diy/heavy lifting jobs, and the dog walking.

To be fair neither of us have particularly high housework standards, I think if I were as houseproud as most mners I'd be doing a much larger % of the housework iyswim.