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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unable to eat well, constipation and stuff

119 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 22/12/2018 01:56

Hey there,
Dh has ptsd and has a plain horrible diet often eating lots of chocolate, nachos, cup cakes, stuff like this... and sometimes not eating at all... cannot get it down.
Recently I have learned all of that has to do with the nervous system of the gut.
A while ago hubby has discovered warmth (hot water bottle on the tummy) really helps him and fruit tea does. Do you know other things that help?

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 23/12/2018 21:12

@SimplySteve
Not for having these issues. Not at all. But for not seeking appropriate help? Yep. Totally unfair for those who have to live with him.
I have MH issues of my own. It’s shit. It’s hard. But not facing up to them would cause my family undue stress. That’s not fair.

SimplySteve · 23/12/2018 21:27

Not that easy sometimes, sadly.

Wolfiefan · 23/12/2018 21:28

Trust me. I know. I really do. And I’m sorry for what you’re suffering @SimplySteve. But it can’t be down to the partner to “save” or “heal” their other half. It simply can’t be done.

Daisymay2 · 23/12/2018 21:59

As well as Combat Stress, who have ex military Mental Health Nurse specialists involved , also try the veterans gateway www.veteransgateway.org.uk/
There is quite a lot of links to other organisations specilaising in supporting military veterans on the site.He might find them easier to deal with..
As far as the constipation is concerned as GP does not want to prescribe I would be wary of buying laxatives but drinking copious amound of water and using wholemeal flour etc help.Sainsburys do pasta with added oat fibre which is far more palatible than wholemeal pasta.

Haisuli · 23/12/2018 22:48

Oats rather than wheat helped when I had troulle with constipation and pain. Also drinking hot water with a half spoon of manuka honey.

SimplySteve · 23/12/2018 22:49

Sorry to ask this OP, is his PTSD definitely militarily associated, or are there any other triggers outside of this?

I also detest Christmas, social circumstances, so understand how it could be problematic for him, although my PTSD/cPTSD isn't militarily related.

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 24/12/2018 09:09

@SimplySteve Yes, from the Military.
You mean to ask if his family is so bad it gave him ptsd? No,I do not think so. Some of his family members are a bit stiff, some are a bit rude, some are a bit snobby, some are a bit buttoned up... but there is none who is so bad it gives you ptsd. One of his brothers is like this: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3150606-How-do-you-cope-with-a-relative-who-is-rude-and-unfriendly-but-has-a-good-heart
Happy for a comment on that thread by someone knowledgeable about ptsd btw.
Dh is close to his brothers. I think he would like to be close to the rest of the family too and is sad it is not the case. I think this is one of his problems.

Have a nice Christmas.

OP posts:

Coffeeisnecessary · 24/12/2018 09:19

Huel was recommended earlier in the thread, could be perfect as it's a drink but nutritionally good for you?

needsahouseboy · 29/12/2018 20:18

Has he accessed all the help from the military for his PTSD? He can still access it if he has left.

I did 6 months in Afghanistan working in the Emergency dept and the shit that they have to see is unbelievable mixed with survivor guilt is just horrendous. The state of constant anxiety of not knowing whats going to happen next is also bad. If you haven't been there it is very hard to describe on top of trying to explain how PTSD affects you. Then add the fact that you think its wrong to be affected by something when you think your oppo's aren't its no wonder his gastric system is screwed.

I'm lucky that my PTSD was caused by one episode of trauma and so was relatively easy to make better, well enough to manage and just gradually decreases. Those that have multiple episodes of traumatic situations find it a lot harder and that why I think CBT is not useful and EMDR is much better.

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 30/12/2018 07:42

Hi,
we are back. He did not stay at the family dinner for a long time but retreated to his room. Next day we just sat and talked with some of his family members and he enjoyed it. Went for a walk several times and he liked it... but then we met some boys who had fireworks... back home he just went to his room and when family members entered to ask something he barked at them.
They do not know he has ptsd.... and I felt very stupid having to make small talk with his family while he was hiding. Yesterday we left and he decided he wanted to spend New Year’s Eve with a buddy. I suggested that maybe we should not celebrate New Year’s Eve this year but he wants to spend it with a buddy (without fireworks of course).

@needsahouseboy I think he has not accessed everything yet. He is ashamed to accept to much help because he likes to cope with things on his own.

OP posts:

OscarWildesGreenCarnation · 30/12/2018 08:36

@ConfusedWife1234

There is an excellent men's mental health charity called CALM. It's been specifically designed to halt the rate of male suicide, but assists with many conditions such as PTSD, anxiety and depression. It attempts to destigmatise the concerns men have with their own mental health. Have a look. They may also be able to support you in supporting him. You could try MIND as well. I wish you luck.
www.thecalmzone.net

Wolfiefan · 30/12/2018 09:26

But he isn’t coping on his own.

EhlanaOfElenia · 30/12/2018 09:40

My DH has PTSD amongst other things. Porridge for breakfast helps settle his stomach for the day. At his worst he eats crackers with either butter or peanut butter on them.

With all of the milkshakes, could your DH have a degree of lactose intolerance? For some people (me and my DS) if we have lactose our stomachs go tight as a drum. DS also suffered from chronic constipation and needed laxatives for years until we switched to lactose free milk. Now he has no problems at all. I will even suffer if i overindulge on chocolate. You can also get enzyme capsules that will help your stomach process lactose.

Allthewaves · 30/12/2018 10:08

Op iv been where u are. My dh ptsd was more violent and aggressive. It took me to pack his bags before he would engage with his mental health team. Our to was gp was it been getting support from them as dh wouldn't go. He finally agreed to gp appointment and he saw emergency mental health team same day - it really was turning point.

Don't be afraid to access support yourself op even if dh won't engage.

fishonabicycle · 30/12/2018 10:31

Over use of laxatives can absolutely ruin your digestion permanently. That is why his diet needs to be addressed, whether he likes it or not.

fishonabicycle · 30/12/2018 10:51

And yes - he needs to accept and own his mental problems or they will never go away. He will never be able to deal with them as long as he is hiding them.

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 30/12/2018 18:53

@EhlanaofElenia How do you know if you have lactose intolerance?
@fishonbicycle Yes, i do think so but he isashamed and well I am not sure how I can help him with this or if I just must accept it as it is.

OP posts:

EhlanaOfElenia · 30/12/2018 19:09

Go lactose free for a few weeks and see how you feel.

GenerationX2 · 30/12/2018 19:22

Hello ConfusedWife, first I've not read the whole thread so sorry if someone already said this, but I highly recommend warm water with 1/2 lemon squeezed in and fresh ginger grated, let it steep for a few minutes and add honey and if your DH likes spicy a sprinkle of cayenne. A couple of glasses a day will hopefully help, plus it has the added advantage of lots of vitamin C.

Good luck

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