Unable to eat well, constipation and stuff

[ConfusedWife1234]

Hey there,
Dh has ptsd and has a plain horrible diet often eating lots of chocolate, nachos, cup cakes, stuff like this... and sometimes not eating at all... cannot get it down.
Recently I have learned all of that has to do with the nervous system of the gut.
A while ago hubby has discovered warmth (hot water bottle on the tummy) really helps him and fruit tea does. Do you know other things that help?

Here is a website for combat stress. www.combatstress.org.uk/ They have a helpline which family and friends can also ring for advice. Perhaps you could do that?

Treating the constipation isn’t going to work long term unless the other issues are treated.

Recommend the book “Brain Over Binge”.

Best home remedy ever: shit loads (pun intended ) of water.

Seriously - more than you think it possible for a person to drink. 4-5 l per day or more if he's a big lad (I know you said he's into fitness etc) Really gets things going - especially if combined with a cup of black coffee...

If he's on fb, get him to check out the various Drinkin' Bros groups: great support (and arse kicking in a supportive way when necessary) by and for vets. As others have said, he needs to get help with the ptsd if this is the trigger for his eating - I understand the temptation of a shit diet when you're suffering but a) it actually makes you feel worse and b) it can be a short cut to bowel cancer. I'm not trying to frighten you, and it's good he's otherwise healthy atm, but shit diets can kill in all sorts of ways.

A final thing I always suggest on these threads - Overeaters Anonymous: preferably in person, otherwise virtual or phone meetings. It's the only thing that helps me (BED) - I know I'm eating myself to death, but therapy and self-help hasn't touched the sides. Admitting I'm powerless hasn't been a magic bullet, but it's the most effective thing I've found so far.

I really feel for him--it's shit (or not ) : but he has you and clearly a family who loves him. He needs to fight this fucker, even if he has to swallow his pride to do so

If his friendsand family know about his struggles. Long story. His best friends knows, his brothers know... and they have been so nice. They are rough men but they have reacted so friendly and caring. FIL knows. DH thinks he disappointed FIL. He comes from a military tradition and thinks it must be a big disappointment for FIL he ptsd. FIL keeps telling him he is not a disappointment but it goes into the one ear and right out of the other.
... but apart from that he does not tell friends and family members. I think he is ashamed. He used to spend a lot ofttimes with friends, with his family members but that is gone now because he is ashamed. He sometimes has his hands trembling a bit. He thinks that everybody notices, he thinks hat everybody recognizes it as sign of mental illness.
He also is short of hearing which is worse at a family dinner than at work because it is worse when everybody is talking at the same time. He whines a lot about being short of hearing to me and sees himself as “crippled“ because of his condition... and I am not supposed to tell a soul he is short of hearing (to explain this he is not deaf, he can hide it, he also can read lips,but his life would be a lot easier if people knew).

Sorry I hit the post button to early to some it up: Dh is a guy who is craving social interaction but he is making himself lonely because he is ashamed. Also he struggles with crowded places.

@Wolfiefan: Yes, I do think he is being a bit stupid and that it is not fair on me but he is a proud man... and you are wrong: he is a brave man and a manly man.

@Ryvita brevis: He does breathing exercise and relation excercises like Jacobson relaxing but I do not think he has tried a special technique for gut issues yet.

@everybody: Thank you so so so so much. So many great tipps.

His difficulty with coming to terms and accepting his difficulties appear to be causing him a bigger issue than his conditions.

Is he getting counselling to help him come to terms with his hearing loss and PTSD. If he can accept and understand that it is ok to have these that it would take a huge amount of the stress away and elevate a lot of the symptoms.

That aside how about the drinks you can buy that have calories and all the minerals and vitamins you need in them. They are like milk shakes so he may take them.

I’m not wrong. It is brave to face up to problems and do what it takes to make them better. It takes strength and courage. Pride is no excuse for refusing to face up to a problem. Stop justifying his inaction.

"I think his health should come before social obligations."

I agree. The hosts don't need to know about the PTSD being the real reason he cannot attend if your husband doesn't want them to know. Just tell them he is ill and can't attend. Please don't be guilt tripped into doing anything that will hamper your husband's progress.

He seems to have developed a destructive vicious circle of eating badly, feeling unwell because of his eating habits, then eating badly again and it affecting his mental as well as physical health. This circle will be difficult to break.

Can you stop buying all the crap he eats. and substitute it for similar home-made healthier items? Will he eat soup? Can you make healthier shakes?

The saying "you are what you eat" is so true here

have a look at EMDR counselling, v scientific basis and specifically v good for dealing with PTSD. My DB has had it and rates it and my DH is hopefully starting soon.

I'm not qualified to advise but in terms of food, if he can manage smoothies, could he cope with vegetable soups? That might be easier in terms of lacking sugar but providing much-needed fibre.

Glycerin suppositories will help and I think you can get them form the chemist.

I have had PTSD not from military service (very, very traumatic birth) although was in the military. It's really shit especially if you are social. I am also/was very social and it veritably made me anxious but the reverse of constipation. I found groups very hard to deal with because I could no longer keep up wit the fast flow of conversation because of what was going round and round in my head and that constant state of high alert making it even harder to concentrate. It's such a hard thing to explain to someone and I rarely did/do because on the outside you look like you are coping. I feel your DH pain.

I had EMDR because CBT just doesn't cut it for me, I'm not a talking about feelings person and quite frankly I found it too annoying. EMDR though was utterly amazing. I went from being unable to enter a hospital ( I worked in A and E and had flashbacks even smells etc) to getting back to work. I'm still not totally cured but the main bits are so I'm now able to control the irrational anxiety. Mindfulness and meditation helped as well. I would highly recommend EMDR and I think it works well with the military because its not so chatty based.

Dh was able to eat a lof of halfway healthy stuff (Schnitzel with potato fritters) today.

To answer your question: What st he eats depends on how’ve is feeling but typically he can eat vegetable soup... only sometimes when he feeling very bloated/full he cannot eat that... but only chocolate milkshake, everything sweet, applesauce, bananapuree, things like this.
OTOH sometimes he enjoys eating healthy, he enjoys cooking... he enjoys themed food... like historic food or country themed food.
Yes, he does eat more healthy variants of cupcakes and so on. I have to admit do not always have thetime to make cupcakes and he often buys them but I will make them more often in future and try to freeze.
I already try to cook more healthy variants of his favourite foods but searching for more recipes for healthy variants of
Milkshake
Ricepudding
Chips
Lasagna
Ghoulasch
Schnitzel
@cushioncuddle Both is very hard ptsd and the fear that people nicht look down on him or feel sorry for him or think he is crazy.
PTSD also sucks a lot cause he feels constantly afraid for his loved ones... afraid something bad happens to them... and that also sucks.
@Wolfiefan He is very brave when it comes to other things. Nobody is always brave.
@LoniceraJaponica He buys most of the junk he eats himself.
@needsahouseboy Thanks for sharing.

You need to step back and stop justifying his inaction. Honestly? I would cook a normal diet (how on earth are you surviving living off this stuff?) and insist he caters for himself.
But then as someone with MH issues I would argue the best thing you could do is possibly separate until he gets professional help. You’re not going to make him better.

Are there ways in which he can add vegetables into meals?? rather than just stop what he’s eating (he will just crave it) try and add things in. The palate will get used to the taste after a few occasions.
There is also some research that says that junk food can exacerbate depression. Is he able to get out and about and walk? As walking does help also as it helps the muscles to contract.

Me and the kids do not have to “life off that stuff“. To give an example:

I cook chicken breast with chips and tomato salat for us.
Dh feeling well: eats everything
Dh feeling lousy: eats just the chips
Dh feeling very lousy: drinks milk shake

He is not inactive. He is trying very hard to eat well but sometimesthis is the only thing he gets down. Why don’t you get that?

What kind of professional help are you talking about? Didn’t you read he is seeing a therapist. I just said he did not want to discuss how bad his anxiety was with his gp (who btw knows he has ptsd but he does not know that this is the reason he cannot eat right because dh was to proud to discuss it).

CBT alone clearly isn’t working. He needs to seek medical advice from his GP. He may need referring to a specialist or may need medication.
You’re not helping him. You need to stop excusing his refusal to sort this as him being “proud”. He needs to seek urgent help. Not mess around with meal replacements or milkshakes.

@niccb He is working out a lot. We have a home gym
@Wolfiefan He tried medication but it gave him a lot of sideeffects... amongother things... guess what... tummy issues and constipation.

I am all in favour of him seeing the gp again... but like I said he is ashamed and very proud and I cannot go there for him, can I?

He’s ashamed? I thought it was pride?
Stop making excuses.
Medications may have side effects. Not all pills suit all people but you don’t know what suits you if you don’t try.
Honestly I wouldn’t want my kids seeing living with someone with such an unhealthy pattern of eating. They will see what they grow up with as normal.

Yeah, he is a proud man and that is the very reason why he is ashamed to be seen as weak.

He is a good man and the kids look up to him... yesterday be honest I would love it he was a better role model for healthy eating but we have explained to the kids that daddy has tummy issues and sometimes cannot eat well and that eating well is very important.

Still making excuses for him. Can’t you see it doesn’t help?

I have no idea what you expect me to do now? Forcefeed him salad? Drag him to the go screaming and kicking? Tell him “I am leaving you because you have constipation and I cannot possibly be with a constipated guy“?
Tell him he’s a loser/not brave enough/not tough enough/whatever because it has great effects on selfesteem?

*“gp“ not “Go“

He could take up running. Couch to 5k is a good introduction. Running is known to get the digestive track moving and get him to 'go' regularly.

@Wolfiefan You need to stop making excuses for him. It’s not pride. It’s stupidity. He needs to be brave enough to seek help from the medical professionals who can actually help him. Stop trying to save him and bailing him out. He doesn’t get to whine. He needs to get a grip and get help. He’s being completely unfair on you.

The fuck? The OP has said multiple times he has PTSD and anxiety, with often the thought of eating causing stress. This is not a case of stupidity ffs. He needs therapy to disassociate the feelings eating causes, and ultimately to resolve, at least partially, the PTSD.

Spoken as a selfish, stupid, unfair male with PTSD/cPTSD and associated eating disorder.

I do recommend mebeverine/buscopan though @ConfusedWife1234 , they can help with the bowel spasms caused by dissociative eating patterns, including binge-eating, and purging. You can buy a short-term amount from any chemist (they aren't generic though and cost around a fiver for 6 pills), although a doctor can prescribe them. As an example I get 180 px'ed a month.