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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to go to the rabbit killer's birthday party

114 replies

chocolatebox1 · 21/12/2018 16:20

A couple of months ago a family friend looked after our dog and my rabbit when we went on holiday. She was given very clear instructions about feeding the rabbit and everything was left out and couldn't have been made more simple. Got back and found my rabbit lying listless in the cage. The friend had gone through the cupboards and given her a bowl of some sort of dog supplements she'd found in there instead of proper food. Unfortunately my rabbit didn't survive.
I haven't seen this family friend since. Even though i don't know her all that well, for some reason I was asked to organise a birthday party for her. I booked a restaurant and it's for this evening. It's time to get ready and I'm feeling very angry again about what happened and don't want to go. Would I be unreasonable to make an excuse and not go?

OP posts:
Didntwanttochangemyname · 21/12/2018 16:23

What did she say when you told her what she'd done to your rabbit?

Why did you agree to organise her birthday party?

gottastopeatingchocolate · 21/12/2018 16:24

Sorry about what happened to your rabbit, but it seems a bit odd if you have booked the party to suddenly cancel.

Soubriquet · 21/12/2018 16:25

How on earth do you manage to fuck up feeding a rabbit when the food is right there? Confused

Are they usually so absent minded?

If so, I would go.

If not, I wouldn’t

Vampiratequeen · 21/12/2018 16:26

What did she say when you told her about the rabbit?

LittleLongDog · 21/12/2018 16:26

Your poor rabbit! Why did she do that?!

It all depends on her reasoning and attitude after to be honest. If it was (somehow!?) a mistake and she felt awful about it and was very sorry then I guess would try and move on. Otherwise...

Could the party still go ahead if you didn’t go?

whifflesqueak · 21/12/2018 16:27

A family friend you don’t know very well? Eh?

Original poster
chocolatebox1 · 21/12/2018 16:27

Thank you. I was deterred from saying anything about why the rabbit mysteriously died straight after she left because the rest of my family were saying it must have been accidental (which I agree with) and that the woman would be so upset if she realised what had happened.
I begrudgingly booked a table in a restaurant after a lot of nagging, I wish I'd just refused now.
There would still be a few other people there, I'm just wondering if I can make an excuse and say I'm ill or something. I just don't think I can sit there and pretend to be friendly Angry

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2018 16:27

Why would you agree to arrange a party for someone who did this to your Rabbit ????????

8misskitty8 · 21/12/2018 16:28

Did she apologise or tell you why she gave your rabbit dog food ?

I don’t understand why you agreed to organise her birthday though.

BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2018 16:29

So her feelings MATTERED more than your OP, not a chance I’d have arranged this, or go to the dinner.

krustykittens · 21/12/2018 16:30

You should have told her and she should have been upset, she killed an animal because she couldn't be arsed to give it the right food! Who the fuck gives a rabbit dog supplements as a meal?! I wouldn't go and wouldn't have organised a damn thing in the first place! YANBU!

Yulebealrite · 21/12/2018 16:31

Don't go. Does she know now the rabbit died?

BrokenWing · 21/12/2018 16:31

Unless there is a drip feed coming, it was unintentional, an accident. You need to forgive her.

WinnieFosterTether · 21/12/2018 16:34

Don't go because you'll spoil the party but you do need to deal with your misdirected anger. If you agree it was an accident then tragic though it was, you need to let go.

CoughLaughFart · 21/12/2018 16:37

You don’t know her well, but know her well enough to expect her to look after two of your pets while you’re away? AND well enough that you’re expected to organise her birthday dinner?

She didn’t deliberately murder your rabbit. It’s a tragic accident, but it was just that; an accident.

Frankswife87 · 21/12/2018 16:38

Yanbu op! Although I'd not be as mature as you op if it were me I'd be refusing to book anything for the rabbit killer Angry

Travisandthemonkey · 21/12/2018 16:39

Get drunk and start screaming at her about the rabbit in front of all your friends and family whilst waving a bottle of lambrini and wearing an Xmas hat!!???
Entertaining if nothing else

Original poster
chocolatebox1 · 21/12/2018 16:40

Not a drip feed - I don't believe it was deliberate, but I'm struggling to get over how anyone can be quite that stupid in the first place. It might not have been done with any intentions but it cost my rabbit his life and I'm still really missing him. I can't believe she's that useless as she manages to cope with two dogs and two cats at home and none of them have starved to death as far as I know. I shouldn't have given in and agreed to book the table I know, that was really stupid of me.

OP posts:
TheLittlestLightOnTheTree · 21/12/2018 16:43

A family friend you hardly know

You were asked to organise a birthday party for

By whom? Who asked you to do that for someone you barely know? This sounds too bizarre to be true really

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 21/12/2018 16:45

She sounds like an idiot (surely there was a picture of a dog on the front of the supplement packaging!?)

However, you absolutely should have told her what happened, regardless of whether or not it made her feel bad- she was responsible for something dying! . At the moment she’s clueless and is probably wondering why you’ve gone cold on her, despite her feeding your pets.

Has she asked for you to organise the party or was it someone else?

DarlingNikita · 21/12/2018 16:46

A family friend you hardly know. You were asked to organise a birthday party for. By whom? Who asked you to do that for someone you barely know?

Yeah, I'm struggling with this. Also, if you don't know her well, why did you let her look after your pets?
But in your shoes, I'd be 'ill' tonight. Having said that, in your shoes I'd never have organised the party in the first place.

PersonaNonGarter · 21/12/2018 16:48

Don’t go unless you know you can be pleasant.

You are about to ruin her evening (and possibly other people’s) with matter that you haven’t dealt with at the right time.

YWBVU if that happened. If you can be friendly, then go but if it is all going to tumble out after a few drinks, make an excuse and stay away.

WTFpeople · 21/12/2018 16:49

So you've never told this woman that she killed your rabbit?
I don't understand how you can barely know someone that is a family friend you gave access to your house while you were away and left her in charge of your pets.
Why were you of all people tasked with organising her birthday party? And why would you actually do that?
How did she give a rabbit dog supplements? And surely she must have noticed that the rabbit either wasn't eating or was acting ill?
I don't think you can not forgive her if you've not even told her what she's done.

Laiste · 21/12/2018 16:49

my rabbit didn't survive. I haven't seen this family friend since. Even though i don't know her all that well, for some reason I was asked to organise a birthday party for her. It's time to get ready and I'm feeling very angry again about what happened and don't want to go.

You were asked to book a restaurant for someone you don't know well, but now the night has come you don't want to go because in the past this same woman is someone you asked to look after your animals and unknowingly (and not deliberately) killed one of them.

Original poster
chocolatebox1 · 21/12/2018 16:49

Sorry, should have been a bit clearer - She's my mum's friend really, not mine, my mum kept on at me about booking something until I gave in to keep her quiet

OP posts:
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