To refuse to go to the rabbit killer's birthday party

[chocolatebox1]

A couple of months ago a family friend looked after our dog and my rabbit when we went on holiday. She was given very clear instructions about feeding the rabbit and everything was left out and couldn't have been made more simple. Got back and found my rabbit lying listless in the cage. The friend had gone through the cupboards and given her a bowl of some sort of dog supplements she'd found in there instead of proper food. Unfortunately my rabbit didn't survive.
I haven't seen this family friend since. Even though i don't know her all that well, for some reason I was asked to organise a birthday party for her. I booked a restaurant and it's for this evening. It's time to get ready and I'm feeling very angry again about what happened and don't want to go. Would I be unreasonable to make an excuse and not go?

What littlest light said.

I think it’s fair enough to not to want to go and I wouldn’t bother with her in the future. I would cancel your attendance tonight citing sickness bug, asthma attack anything really that’s fast remedying and not bother with her.

And next time your mum gets on at you tell her to book something herself for her friend.

This is the trouble about not saying things, if leads to resentment. If you'd have said then she would probably have been devastated but then she would have realised you can't feed animals any old thing.

It's an awkward one now as time has elapsed. You might feel better to face her over time.

Um, I wouldn't be going OP. I would also have challenged her at the time.

Were your dogs on the own for the whole time except when she came in to feed them?

Well if you think it was unintentional then it’s on you for leaving your rabbit with someone who was too stupid to realise it doesn’t eat dog supplements. Pay for an actual animal sitter next time with recommendations.

I do feel sorry about your rabbit and agree she was careless but, as you say, it wasn't deliberate. She must have felt terrible about it, do we go on resenting and punishing people forever? It's up to you.

You've organised the 'do', other people will be there, cry off sick if you want.

What a disturbing thread. Poor rabbit just alone in the garden and left to starve. I wish I hadn’t read this.

Why did you ask her to look after the rabbit if you don’t know her well? Why are you organising her party? Why have you been invited?

It’s all a bit mad.

I’d have told her she’d killed the rabbit, and asked why she fed the rabbit what she did.

But I wouldn’t want to socialise with her either.

No, don't go Op and next time tell your Mum to get off her backside and book the table herself. The 'friend' must be thick (or are they not able to read) to have given dog treats to a rabbit instead of the rabbit food you left out, I mean they don't even look the same.
For what it's worth my Mum would have been the same about not telling a friend that their actions had resulted in the death of my pet, so as not to upset the friend.

Some people are animals. How could you be so stupid to think rabbits eat dog food. She needs reporting to the RSPCA for abuse and neglect. The flaming party is neither here nor there. And what happened to the dog? Who was walking the dog?

YABVU

Rabbit-lover here.

So sorry about the loss of your bun

You should have (politely) talked to her about this at the time. The death of a pet is serious. She owes you an explanation at the very least I would have thought. And she might make the same mistake again with someone else's pet.

It would be very impolite to bring this up on the night of her birthday having not discussed it with her before though. I think it would be impolite to cancel at the last minute too, as she is bound to wonder if you did so out of resentment.

Well since the op said it was accidental I’m assuming the food was in a plastic tub or similar not packaging that clearly said it was for dogs. If you get someone you barely know who isn’t a pet sitter to look after your animal and don’t make crystal clear they know what they’re doing this can happen. The op should be cross at herself.

Wait, you never actually told her!?

Fuck would i ever forgive.
Block and ignore.
Not a chance would i be arranging a party!

Why didn’t you Mum just book it?

It’s quite an odd story OP but I’m sure you could be taken ill with a terrible headache at the last minute.

If you don't mention stuff like this it fester & comes out later. Like it's doing now. I'd feign a migraine. And investigate the giving the rabbit dog supplements. Did she think they were treats if you showed her exactly it's proper, daily food? Does she have trouble following instructions at other times (your Mum would know being her mate). It's rather odd to me she managed to kill one of your pets after exact instructions.

Even though i don't know her all that well, for some reason I was asked to organise a birthday party for her. This doesn't make any sense, I've got no sympathy for you OP not only did you not confront her at the time, you then agreed to do this "even though you don't know her all that well". [hmm}

Would you have felt better if she had plead ignorance and let the neighbourhood fox clear up the evidence? Judging you a bit for keeping a rabbit in a cage and then compounding the crime by leaving someone incapable in charge of it - sorry.

my mum kept on at me about booking something until I gave in to keep her quiet and so? Why don't you just give in again?!

You should have told her that what she did caused your rabbit to DIE otherwise she may look after somebody else’s pets and kill them because she is too stupid to realise you don’t give DOG food to a RABBIT.
You should not have let yourself be bullied by your mother.

If this was me I would no sooner go to her party than I would ask her to pet sit again.
AND I would do the responsible thing and write her a letter telling her that I didn’t attend her meal because her frankly careless actions cost my rabbit his life and you are telling her this now as you hope it will make her take more care when she feeds any animal that is hers or not.
But hey ho- that’s me!

How old is this family friend? is she otherwise well? It’s so unusual to feed a rabbit dog food instead of the rabbit food you’d left I would worry there was something going on.
I think you’re being a bit unfair. You’ve never told this woman what happened or given her the chance to react or make amends. In your mind she’s a callous rabbit killer who just didn’t give a shit about giving the right food but you don’t really know what happened or why the mix up occurred because she’s never has the chance to explain. There might be an innocent explanation, it won’t bring your rabbit back but at least you won’t feel so angry about it if that’s the case.

have you ever cut the apron strings with your mother op? because it sounds like she rules the roost......

When you put your rabbit in her hands you accepted the consequences of what might happen. I would not mind a rabbit or other pet for anyone as wouldn't take the responsibilty. ( l would have no problem minding their children!!) So she was extremely kind to agree. Remember that part of her character not the part that ACCIDENTLY killed your poor rabbit.