To feel like the only person who doesn't get on with their mother

[SweetsCakesBiscuits]

In real life its taboo to say you don’t get on with your mother. My DM has always been ‘difficult’ - not abusive - but sulky, jealous, interferring, immature, nosy and drinks too much.

She can be nice too but after years of ‘issues’ I find I have limited patience for her and don’t enjoy her company. I visit her but try to limit the time and maybe have other people around so I am not the full focus of her attention.

She probably thinks i am difficult because I don’t bow down when she sulks. I used to clash with her and get upset when she got annoyed with me but lately I have stepped back and let it wash over me and give it no response.

I know some people have had lovely mothers that have passed away and must miss them terribly and probably think I am awful for feeling this way about my DM. I think some people don’t understand that not all mothers are like their mothers.

I wish I had a lovely mother I was close to. I cannot at all imagine having a mother that I could tell all my troubles too or spend the day with - the whole idea seems so strange to me.

I could have written this OP. And yes it's very taboo to not get on with your mother. No one understands IRL all my friends are besties with their mums. And even on MN it can be ridiculous. Thread after thread of "oh you'll miss her when she dies" "that's your MUM" and "you only get one mum" - I won't miss my mum when she dies she's behaved unspeakably to me and is still coercive and controlling. I stared a thread once on relationships about this and there was so much support it was fantastic, perhaps it would be a good place to start?

The only saving grace is my mum has showed me how NOT to parent - and I'm very close to my DC, they are very different from the quiet, repressed child I was who was never allowed to speak and had to be obedient at all costs. Mine have a streak of defiance and I love it

Also mine lives alone abroad and people say "oh don't you miss her terribly". I sometimes just say yes as people think you're the devil of you say you don't miss your mum!

I don't get on with my mum, she has her own mental health problems that she refuses to get help for. She is a hoarder and mentally abusive. We were close when I was very young but now I'm older I see her from everyone else's view and it's sad and makes me feel very lonely.

Thunder sorry to hear your mum has started already. My heart goes out to you and I can identify with that realisation that despite being a grown adult your mum can upset you deeply and make you sob.

Thinking of everyone who has a tricky few days coming up navigating their complicated relationships with their mothers.

I'm feeling numb about Christmas despite having a wonderful 10yo DC who is very excited and a husband who has my back. I have to spend extended periods of time with my mum over the next few days and I think the realisation of this has made me shut down emotionally. I feel like a robot without any feelings which is a shame when it could be a time of excitement and joy. I'm trying to accept that my numbness is a coping mechanism and not feel too confused by it.