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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Returning to work after childbirth.

85 replies

Raven88 · 21/12/2018 11:41

I'm currently undergoing fertility treatment, the plan was to adopt because I didn't think I could have children but I have been told that I should be able to conceive naturally and the only thing they need to do is get my ovulation sorted.

The plan was for me to work and DH was going to be a SAHP. I was going to take Parental Leave which is 2 weeks at my work.

I am the main earner but we could cope financially if I took mat leave as our outgoings are low but it would be tight. DH is a taxi driver so has low earnings and won't get mat leave. He is working for family so they are flexible.

AIBU to expect to return to work quickly after childbirth. Also I know that it could take years for me to conceive or it might not happen but I like to be prepared.

OP posts:

WoodyOak · 21/12/2018 11:48

Two weeks is no time at all. I've been at home with baby for over two months and no way am I ready to return to work. After two weeks, I was still very emotional, tired and couldn't really think straight! I wasn't physically fit to walk let alone work but depends on your delivery I suppose. I'm going back to work when baby is 8 months and I know already that I'll find that difficult to leave my baby but, for financial reasons, I have to.

Considering you're not pregnant yet, why don't you save, save, save so that you can give yourself more time to enjoy your newborn. They are only little once...

cheeseandcrackers · 21/12/2018 11:49

It depends entirely upon your job, how the birth goes and how happy you are to go back so soon. You should get 90% of your salary for 6 weeks, you should probably plan to take at least this. Are you planning on breastfeeding? Unfortunately it will be hard to tell how well you'll cope until after the birth

starsinyourpies · 21/12/2018 11:50

It is a huge adjustment on your body, sleep, hormones! I would think you will need longer. Every birth recovery is different.

lastqueenofscotland · 21/12/2018 11:52

2 weeks is nothing if you have complications.

UhUhUhDennis · 21/12/2018 11:52

I'm going to say it: you could definitely not return to work 2 weeks after birth. Especially a c section. Don't plan for that, do anything to save money now and add on annual leave to be off for as long as you can.

UhUhUhDennis · 21/12/2018 11:53

Also what about if you breastfeed?

Eilaianne · 21/12/2018 11:55

You need to have a plan in case you physically aren't recovered / healed enough by two weeks - that's a very short healing time so you need to think what happens if your birth involves complications (stitches getting infected, emergency cesarean). Hope for the best but have a backup plan for the worst.

Also check you CAN go back that early, some places I've worked stipulated a minimum recovery time for safety / insurance purposes.

It also depends if you're e.g. sitting on your bum lawyer who can control their diary to be a gentle transition back Vs (say) a frontline police officer going back onto night shifts! Very different risk and comfort levels involved depending on nature of the job.

LordPickle · 21/12/2018 11:55

Please don't plan on going back after 2 weeks. You really need to plan on being off for at least 6 weeks, but realistically at least 4 months.

My emotions were out of control for the first month after my DS was born (lots of crying, mostly happy tears because I was so overwhelmed with love) and also your body needs to recover from childbirth. Even if you have a perfect delivery (no stitches, no intervention) you will still feel battered down there and you'll be bleeding for weeks too.

chemenger · 21/12/2018 11:55

In other parts of the world women do go back to work very quickly but I’ve never understood how they manage. At two weeks I was still barely managing to get dressed every day. If you have a section I think it’s not practical to go back that quickly unless you are very lucky. I had a trouble free recovery but lack of sleep and major surgery is a horrible combination. Two weeks after a normal delivery I still found it painful to sit on a hard chair.

Seniorschoolmum · 21/12/2018 11:55

Two weeks is really tough.Quite apart from the physical recovery,your hormones will be all over the place.
Can you save up some holiday and add an extra two weeks? Or use some holiday to go back half days for a few weeks?

Cherries101 · 21/12/2018 11:56

Are you in the states? If so it’s not unreasonable — I know many women who’ve had no choice but to return after 2-3 weeks. If you do intend to do this you need to check with your insurer first because they may require a minimum rest period. If you’re in the UK, employers tend to require ALL employees / consultants / contracters to take a minimum of 2-3 months for mat leave so you definitely should check with them first.

tryinganewname · 21/12/2018 11:57

I'm 5 months PP and I am nowhere near ready to return to work and even then, I'm reducing to 4 days. Currently, I don't really even like leaving her but I do so I get used to it in readiness. I was completely naive about the attachment I would have to her. I don't think I'll be ready at 9 months either but I won't have a choice.

At 2 weeks, your body is also likely to still been fragile (I was actually ok within a couple of days with a 2nd degree tear but this isn't always the case) and you will still be bleeding heavily. If you have a C-section the recovery time is advised as 6 weeks.

I, personally, don't think it's doable to return within 2 weeks, however, I know in other countries that this can be the norm. I would take as long as you possibly can off. If it's a long way off then you have plenty of time to save now.

Eilaianne · 21/12/2018 11:58

Also, I don't think I stressed this enough but it would be highly unusual in my friend) family circles to have been fit to return 2 weeks later - cesareans Def not as couldn't even drive, even natural uncomplicated birth will you have stopped bleeding etc.

And those are for uncomplicated births where both you are and baby arrive safely.

Put bluntly, it's an incredibly optimistic, unrealistic and bad plan. Please don't put this pressure on yourself.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 21/12/2018 11:59

I'm not saying you couldn't - because you do come across people who are back at work instantly (usually the press touted "wonderwomen" types who make everyone else feel crap), but I think it's much more likely that you will want longer. Either for emotional reasons or because you're still recovering from birth and getting into the swing of things. You have no idea how that's going to go down.

User12879923378 · 21/12/2018 12:00

Everyone is different but 2 weeks is SO early. It's hard to really convey how tiny your baby will still be. I had a night apart from my baby (husband really is an equal parent and has always done as much as me for her if not more) at 3 months and felt like I had accidentally left one of my limbs somewhere. I went back when she was 5 months which was OK as I do a lot of work from home and my husband was looking after her but lots of people found that crazily early. You should assume that you'll be off for at least 6 months, I think - if you want to go back earlier that's absolutely fine and 100% up to you but make your plans on the basis you might want more time than you think.

notfromstepford · 21/12/2018 12:02

I would take the 6 weeks at least - 2 weeks is nothing. Yes people do it, but in my mind if you don't have to, don't.
Take as long as you can afford. I took 6 months and hated going back after that time, but DH took the other 6 months so it wasn't too bad.

Also, when you've waited a long time for a child (I waited 10 years) your perspective will change and I think you absolutely won't want to go back after 2 weeks even if you were fit enough to.

My advice - enjoy as much time as possible with them - you only get the chance once.

feelliketomhanks · 21/12/2018 12:02

You'll still have lochia at 2 weeks and if you've had stitches you'll not be able to sit. If you've had a Csection you won't be able to drive. The baby will still be waking/cluster feeding and in no sort of routine.

I never had stitches with any of mine and I recovered well. I could not have gone back to work at 2 weeks.

Original poster

Raven88 · 21/12/2018 12:04

Thanks for the replies, we are starting to save after Christmas, We moved into a cheaper flat and we reduced our bills. I'm not sure if I will breastfeed, I want to if I can and considered expressing. My job is in people's homes and it's a relaxed job but it's long hours.

I think I'll take the mat leave, I don't want to regret not taking it.

OP posts:

room32 · 21/12/2018 12:04

I have an aunt who went back to work after 2 weeks after both her two DCs. She is a GP and went back part time initially and gradually increased to full time after a month or so. Her husband was the SAHP. So it can be done, although I personally still don't know how she managed it physically.

Sassy306 · 21/12/2018 12:05

I've been off for 10 months and that's not even long enough :/ your not pregnant yet. You have time to get your finances organised so that you can afford to take a decent amount of time off.

The baby stage passes so quickly you don't want to miss it you need to enjoy every second for as long as you can or you may regret it in the future. I lived my whole pregnancy like I was on reduced wages, I paid the bills and put every extra penny away and that really helped and has meant I could have this long off work and was used to the reduced wages when they happened.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/12/2018 12:06

Completely unrealistic sorry to say. Emotionally, physically- having a baby just is so monumental on a woman. I had a natural labour, no tears etc, and I still couldnt have imagined going back to work so soon. I would try and find a way of having you stay home for a minimum 3 months.

ThistleAmore · 21/12/2018 12:07

I don't have children, but I thought - assuming you're not self-employed - it was illegal (or at the very least very strongly advised against) to return to work in the UK before six weeks elapsed - something to do with employers' liability? Obviously happy to stand corrected!

peachgreen · 21/12/2018 12:07

Ouch. No. Honestly I think three months is the bare minimum - I know there are countries where women go back to work before this but I have no idea how.

Jackshouse · 21/12/2018 12:08

I got out of hospital late a night when DD was 11 days old.

Surely if you are just starting fertility treatments then you have time to save up. What is your maternity package like?

MrsStrowman · 21/12/2018 12:09

I had my baby three weeks ago, I feel like I've been run over. My stitches are sore, my nipples are blistered I get no more than two hours of sleep in one go. There is no way I could go back to work now. I'm the higher earner my maternity pay is ok but towards the end when it drops to SMP things are going to be tight. I've saved up annual leave from this year and work have allowed me to roll out over, you also accrue AL whilst on maternity, for me I'll come off maternity around nine months then take about six weeks annual leave before going back so I go back onto full salary. I also can do to to ten kit days, my work pay these on top of any maternity pay so I'm going to do as many as I can between six and nine months off to boost my income when it's lowest. Also try and save what you can before you go off, try and live mainly on DPs salary and put as much of yours in savings as possible to allow you a bit of a financial cushion

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