Returning to work after childbirth.

[Raven88]

I'm currently undergoing fertility treatment, the plan was to adopt because I didn't think I could have children but I have been told that I should be able to conceive naturally and the only thing they need to do is get my ovulation sorted.

The plan was for me to work and DH was going to be a SAHP. I was going to take Parental Leave which is 2 weeks at my work.

I am the main earner but we could cope financially if I took mat leave as our outgoings are low but it would be tight. DH is a taxi driver so has low earnings and won't get mat leave. He is working for family so they are flexible.

AIBU to expect to return to work quickly after childbirth. Also I know that it could take years for me to conceive or it might not happen but I like to be prepared.

Physically - couldn't after dc1, definitely could after dc2.

Emotionally is another matter. Not so much hormones (didn't get bothered with those much either time) but I would find it very hard to leave the baby that early.

I agree with other posters that you can't really assume you'll be fit for work after only 2 weeks. If you're in the UK, plan to take at least the 6 weeks at 90% pay that you should be entitled to and consider using holidays and/or savings for a month or 2 more. I am in this situation (main earner, SAHD at home) but had saved up during my fertility investigations so had £3000 to spend, which I used to take a total of 5 months off (1 month holiday, 6 weeks at 90% pay, remainder on statutory maternity pay of about £550 a month topped up from savings). Honestly, I couldn't imagine going back until at least the 2 month mark, and definitely not 2 weeks. It was a vaginal delivery with minimal complications but I felt rough until about 6 weeks. I couldn't even really walk until 4 weeks postnatal, just hobble around the house. See how much you can eke the 2 weeks out with annual leave and remember you'll probably get paid fully for both the annual leave and any bank holidays that fall during your absence.

You also need to bear in mind the period before birth when you might be too ill to work. At my work, they could have forced me to start maternity leave early if that happened (company policy) rather than being able to be off sick, so you could end up using up your 2 weeks before the baby even arrives. Ask HR if this applies to you. I would put money aside now and plan for about 3 months off in total, if at all possible. X

I’m 9 days PP and married to my job. No way could I go back next week.

I’m exhausted, I’m still sore, I’m hormonal... I would be a mess at work.

I’m planning on going back after 6 months because it’s what I can afford. I would definitely take a few months.

Don’t plan to breastfeed if you are going back to work early. Look at your company’s maternity policy. Like others say statutory is 6 weeks at 90%. Your company may have a longer ‘high ‘ pay period. Add in annual leave and what you can save. I would say definitely look more towards 3 months minumum.

I had pretty easy going births and there's no way I could have gone back to work after 2 weeks. It is sore down there whether you tear or not, you will have Lochia for up to 6 weeks, your body will be exhausted from giving birth and from feeding and being up with the baby, your hormones may well be all over the place. I think yabu and you will need closer to 6 weeks to recover comfortably

I was still in pain for 12 weeks after giving birth, bleeding for 6 weeks and still an emotional mess leaking milk everywhere at 2 weeks.
Not a chance!

And don’t forget you won’t realistically work until baby is born. My first I started maternity leave at 37 weeks, second I was wiser and started at 33/34 weeks.

Sorry just re-read your post, your work give you 2 weeks leave???? Where in the world are you....how is that legal

Oh and consider asking your employer if you can use your holiday entitlement from both the current and next or previous holiday years. Your absence may happen to fall across 2 holiday years, or your boss might agree to carry some unused holiday over from a previous year if you explain your circumstances, even if it's not normally company policy to allow that (mine did- I carried over the full 25 days into Jan).

Otherwise, you can plan for your DH to work while you're on leave and then swap with him when you go back, so there's at least a little income while you're off.

It's so hard when you're the main earner, I really feel for you, OP

By law you have to have a minimum of two weeks off after giving birth (4 if you were a factory worker). However, your employer's insurer may stipulate a longer period.

Depending on how long you have worked for your employer you'll most likely be entitled to statutory maternity pay. You'd receive 90% of your normal salary for 6 weeks.

If you have a c-sec you may not physically be capable of returning to work at 2 weeks post partum. I know a few women who rushed about following c-secs and ended up with scar infections 2-4 weeks in.

You're not supposed to drive for 6 weeks following a c-sec.

If you had a vaginal birth but a bad tear you may still not be up for much.

I know a few women who returned to work at the 8-12 week stage. None of them breastfeed, and personally I think it would be very difficult to establish breastfeeding returning after 2 weeks. The USA has a bigger pumping culture than here which helps them. You'd need a good electric breast pump and be able to pump at work and store milk - is that feasible given the nature of your work?

Sadly People will judge. It just isn't common in the UK for women to return so early.

If I’d have really needed to (and had a sago at home) I could have probably gone back at 6-8 weeks as I had a very good sleeper, was formula feeding and was largely recovered by then. I would have hated it though.

2 weeks isn’t a realistic plan unless you have a very easy birth and recovery. At that point I could barely sit down, had extremely heavy lochia and was still battling with breast feeding. My husband was worried about going back to work and leaving me as I was in a mess frankly.

My OH didn't want to go back to work after two weeks and he didn't have all the hormones and a ripped apart fanny! You've got time to save up in advance so do that.

@Wallsbangers exactly, my DH had 4 weeks off and didn't want to leave the baby to go to work (plus we were both exhausted!)

I actually felt pretty great physically at 2 weeks post partum on my first. That was despite having a bad birth/episiotomy/stitches/ I probably could have gone back to work except for breastfeeding. You won’t be able to go back that soon if you plan on breastfeeding as you need to be available to the baby around the clock at that stage and expressing is just as full on (I did it for 4 months on my second and it meant even less sleep!)

It was actually about a month or so after my first was born (when the sheer relentlessness of sleep deprivation set in) that I started to struggle physically. But I would assume your DP will bear the brunt of that if he is a SAHD?

What I would worry about is that you won’t be ready mentally. It’s a HUGE adjustment when you have a baby, your world is thrown upside down. If you had a bad birth experience or pnd I think there would be a very real risk that you could struggle to bond with your baby if you go back to work so soon.

I would say 6 weeks off at a very minimum but I’d be inclined to say 3 months would be wiser. I know dads can be just as wonderful as mothers when it comes to parenting but you will have carried that baby for 9 months, it will be familiar with your scent, your voice etc. it really is best for the baby to stay close to you in the early weeks and months and form a secure attachment.

Best of luck on your IVF journey

No way at all could I have gone back after 2 weeks with ds1. With ds2 if I hadn't been breastfeeding and someone else was doing most of the night wakings then yes, I could have. With ds3 no, I was so fucking physically exhausted that even if I'd had an army of people doing everything else for me I'd have been in no fit state at 2 weeks. Pregnancy and birth can be very hard!

Speak to your employer, they will likely have a minimum amount of time you have to be off for. I'm sure with my work it's 6 weeks.

Sorry just re-read your post, your work give you 2 weeks leave???? Where in the world are you....how is that legal

I think op is referring to what most people call 'paternity leave' which may be fully paid and can be taken by either parent. It's more properly called parental leave. But I'm unsure why she'd choose that over 6 weeks of SMP at 90%, given her DH will not be claiming the 'maternity' leave portion of shared parental leave afaics

xwhoiamx oh i see. Yes thats why Im confused, wouldnt you take the full offer of maternity pay from your company and then let you husband be a SAHP when you go back

Two weeks post c-section I was no where near able to go to work
Everything was sore. I wasn’t sleeping ( obviously) and my head was all over the place
I think you should save like mad now and have time to recover really well because you don’t know how you’ll feel either emotionally or physically

You can always do shared parental leave, do 3 months then let your DH have 3 months or whatever.
I know a couple that did this and it worked well.

Where I live it’s 12 weeks leave minimum before you can return to work. Most people take the six months maternity benefit paid by the state and the majority of people tAke nearly a year off between paid and unpaid leave. I was barely able to get out of bed after two weeks let alone return to the office and get work done.

I know someone who needed to go back to work (financial reasons) after 4 weeks. She couldn't concentrate or think at all, so it might not be doable to function if you have a job that requires your brain.

I'd stay home for at least two months, but if you can stretch your finances to three months that would give more time to recover if your birth isn't straightforward. The problem is that you don't know what kind of birth you'll get. I had a friend who felt absolutely fine after a week but I've had colkeagues who didn't feel human till after three months.

OP I think it’s totally unrealistic to go back after 2 weeks. I know some women have to but...... the thing is having a baby is absolutely nothing like what you thought it will be and is simply hands down the hardest thing most people will do.

So if you compare maybe having some time off after a big event in your life - say a death of a parent, or you’ve been working on a phd and need a few weeks rest, it is nothing like that, it’s huge, totally physically and emotionally wrenching plus you have a baby to look after 24hrs, there’s is no “break” at all, then two weeks is not nearly enough time to sort yourself out and back into work.

I went back to work after a week after both of my children (technically I went to work for an hour on the way home from the hospital after a 24 hour induction/forceps birth the first time). Because I'm self employed and I had bookings in that I needed to honour.

So although not ideal it is possible and I managed just fine. I am quite a positive person though and mind over matter works well for me. I knew I had to go back so it was in my head that I had to be fine and I was.

I'm not sure that the point about "mind over matter" is particularly helpful here - you can't strong-will your way out of pulling cesarean stitches, infections or other such medical complications that aren't especially rare

It might be that one in a hundred women are fit to return in 1 week but try that as an induced labour EMCS birth and returning to active police duty 7 days later, say, to use my aunt as an example (not that they'd let you), extreme example maybe but I just don't think it's helpful to encourage totally statistically unlikely recovery expectations based on "mind over matter" in a single unusual case!