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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve just kicked my husband out...

83 replies

justaminutedarling · 20/12/2018 23:15

And there’s nobody I can tell
My dd witnessed a horrible argument this evening and all I can think is she must never see anything like that again but he’ll never stop lying and having pathetic little secrets. AIBU to destroy our amazing (on paper) life because I think I’m worth more than being lied too? I’m wrapping presents as if nothing has happened tonight - feeling so numb

OP posts:
ASAS · 20/12/2018 23:17

Your dd will thank you

X

KlutzyDraconequus · 20/12/2018 23:17

Wait for the shock and the upheaval to settle a bit. You'll realise you're happier, your DD will realise it too.

Don't put up with any shit from any shit just for a shit relationship.. Grin

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 20/12/2018 23:19

Of course YANBU!

He is lying and keeping secrets. You deserve more and your DD will realise she doesn't have to put up with shit in future relationships too.

Munchkingoat · 20/12/2018 23:19

I kicked my ex out because I vowed my kids would see no more of his temper. Best thing I ever did. You've got this.

MrsStrowman · 20/12/2018 23:22

Breathe a sigh of relief that you won't have to spend Christmas with a liar and your DD is learning how to value herself in a relationship and not out up with everything to keep a man

Squirrelslostnut · 20/12/2018 23:23

Well done. You have done your DD proud Flowers

posthistoricmonsters · 20/12/2018 23:30

I know it feels like a shock right now but you've been really strong and done the right thing. Well done. Have you got any family or friends who can come and debrief with you?

Isayeichnotheich · 20/12/2018 23:33

If the roles were reversed and you were the lying one(for whatever reasons) and he'd kicked you out of your family home(hopefully not in front your DD) and stayed there with you her, while you were on your way elsewhere, and you think it'd have been fair then I guess AIBU.

If you are 100% sure your husband is bad and you are good, and your faults are nothing like his, and he definitely doesn't deserve another chance and your DD would be happier not having her dad living with her etc etc then you don't even need the answer.

I know I'll probably be piled on for this, so hiding the thread...

Original poster
justaminutedarling · 20/12/2018 23:37

No, I have nobody that I could turn to with something like this...especially not at nearly midnight. Thank you so much to everyone who's replied. DD will be devastated in the morning and she has a big show she's in tomorrow, so at the moment I feel like the worst mum in the world

OP posts:
ILoveChristmasLights · 20/12/2018 23:39

You havent done it lightly, so I can only assume you’ve done the right thing. Sadly though, that was the easy part. The hard part is not taking them back. Be strong. If you need to, think about DD seeing that and ask yourself how many times you can put her that through that...that’ll make keep you on track. It’ll hit you when the adrenalin ebbs away, be prepared.

How old is DD?

elephantoverthehill · 20/12/2018 23:42

at the moment I feel like the worst mum in the world and in a few months time you will question why you didn't act sooner. Wishing you strength and resolve. Flowers

Original poster
justaminutedarling · 20/12/2018 23:42

Except maybe for the person who just sent this... "If the roles were reversed and you were the lying one(for whatever reasons) and he'd kicked you out of your family home(hopefully not in front your DD) and stayed there with you her, while you were on your way elsewhere, and you think it'd have been fair then I guess AIBU.

If you are 100% sure your husband is bad and you are good, and your faults are nothing like his, and he definitely doesn't deserve another chance and your DD would be happier not having her dad living with her etc etc then you don't even need the answer.

I know I'll probably be piled on for this, so hiding the thread..."

How charming...I have never lied to him (he'd vouch for that) and he has problems with lying and needing secrets (he would admit to that too) plus some pretty awful things he put me through in the early days of our relationship which he's often said he can never make up for but he would try to by being the best husband he can be going forward... but that was obviously a lie too

OP posts:
burningcandle · 20/12/2018 23:44

Will your daughter know first thing tomorrow that he’s gone? Or can you not just say he’s at work? I know you’ll have to tell her at some point but if she can get through her show...,
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Big hugs Flowers

ButteryParsnips · 20/12/2018 23:45

Er, did someone just PM you that? Particularly cowardly if so given that they could just have posted it and stayed anonymous!
Nothing is irreversible. You could change your mind later but if you need him out tonight, so be it.

Original poster
justaminutedarling · 20/12/2018 23:48

Christmas lights and Elephant thank you so much (she's a very smart 7)
I think I'll just go offline before anyone else is cruel and take the comfort for all the lovely supportive comments

Someone called isayeichnotheich posted it on the thread and the man said something about hiding it

OP posts:
Original poster
justaminutedarling · 20/12/2018 23:50

And then said (not the man - that was a weird typo!)

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 20/12/2018 23:50

Ignore the arseholes who wrote that post about if the roles were reversed. Total cowardice so as they've hidden the thread anyway I'm going to suggest they are an MRA or just a twat.

burningcandle · 20/12/2018 23:52

Agree with @TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup. You've plucked up the courage to ask for help. Don't let one person put you off xx

Original poster
justaminutedarling · 20/12/2018 23:52

From the bottom of my heart thank you so much for every lovely reply and fantastic advice. I lost my Mum last year and she would have been the one being my best friend and support and I think between all you lovely ladies I think you've said pretty much all the things she would have done...the kindness of strangers xx

OP posts:
Original poster
justaminutedarling · 20/12/2018 23:58

Reading my posts back I look like I've been on the Sherry! Probably not the time to be worrying about poor grammar... going to wrap up warm and have a coffee in the garden... and breathe...and read your comments/advice through again and try to figure out what happens tomorrow

OP posts:
AgathaMystery · 21/12/2018 00:02

Have a coffee & go to bed. It will not be so awful in the morning. Xxx you are very brave xxx

Original poster
justaminutedarling · 21/12/2018 00:02

xx

OP posts:
burningcandle · 21/12/2018 00:03

@justaminutedarling I went through similar when my DS14 was very small. His dad was a compulsive liar and awful to live with. I was hysterical asking him to leave but I did it and it was the best thing I ever did!
Try to imagine yourself in a years time, happy and looking back on this being glad you did it x

loubluee · 21/12/2018 00:04

Your daughter will be fine. It will be hard but she will adapt. Better two happy parents apart than two unhappy ones together. I’m speaking from experience as a child.

LaLoba · 21/12/2018 00:15

You have done a brave thing, and your daughter will be better off for seeing that some things are not ok to live with.

It’s going to be a difficult Christmas for you, but take strength from knowing that you’ve made the first step to making both your lives better. Something that got me through tough days when I finally gave up hope of my first husband ever waking up to what he was doing was this thought - at some point today, no matter how crap I feel, something or someone will make me smile or even laugh. Those things can get you through. Best wishes OP.