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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve just kicked my husband out...

83 replies

justaminutedarling · 20/12/2018 23:15

And there’s nobody I can tell
My dd witnessed a horrible argument this evening and all I can think is she must never see anything like that again but he’ll never stop lying and having pathetic little secrets. AIBU to destroy our amazing (on paper) life because I think I’m worth more than being lied too? I’m wrapping presents as if nothing has happened tonight - feeling so numb

OP posts:
LaLoba · 21/12/2018 00:19

And re DD and tomorrow, if there ever was a time to tell white lies so as not to spoil her day, this is it.

worriedunimum · 21/12/2018 01:22

I was your DD, listening to my Dad abuse my Mum verbally, sexually, physically. It was horrible. It traumatised me and damaged me and 50 years later I still quake when people shout around me.i have c PTSD and have on going councelling from it. It's blighted my life. Please, for the sake of your child get out and stay out.

erykahb · 21/12/2018 06:17

You did the right thing, stay as strong as you are now. Best thing for your DD.

Hope you're ok this morning Thanks
Put on a big brave face for your dd and her show today

You've got this Smile

Original poster
justaminutedarling · 21/12/2018 06:25

Thank you erykahb x

OP posts:
KlutzyDraconequus · 21/12/2018 07:23

Lol @ the defender of the lying man.

They always pop up to defend men's shitty bahviour. It's like being a man is a big club where they'll pay each other in the head and reassure each other that,
"It was her mate, not you, you've alright mate. So you liked and were a secretive ittle weasel faced shit bird, don't matter, you're a man, you're allowed"

It's pathetic. To then join a forum Ike this to defend shitty men, that's beyond pathetic.

Stay strong OP. Remember the simple rule:
A partner should add to your life, not make it worse.

Justanothernameonthepage · 21/12/2018 07:26

Hoping you're feeling a little better this morning.
You showed your DD that if her partner talks to her like that, she shouldn't take it. You showed her that trust and love goes both ways. You valued yourself.
Take time and be kind to yourself.

cookiemon666 · 21/12/2018 08:07

Lovely lady, I kicked my ex husband out, because otherwise I would have lost my oldest daughter. My only regret is I spent 15 years with the bastard. You have been so brave and your daughter will appreciate having a strong mum.xx

Original poster
justaminutedarling · 21/12/2018 12:21

Thanks guys...secretive weasel faced shit has made me smile...he did look pretty ugly and repulsive with his stupid 'lie face' on.
Today is all about DD and damage limitation

OP posts:
InsomniacAnonymous · 21/12/2018 12:25

ButteryParsnips "Er, did someone just PM you that? Particularly cowardly if so given that they could just have posted it and stayed anonymous!"

No it wasn't a PM it's a post on this thread!

Stephisaur · 21/12/2018 12:32

Leaving my dad was the best thing my mum ever did.

You wouldn’t have kicked him out without good reason. Be the woman you want your daughter to be.

X

MandalaYogaTapestry · 21/12/2018 12:40

I have to agree with the asshole-defending poster.

You didn't even say what exactly his fault was. Lying and little secrets is way too vague reasons to ask if YWU throwing a man out of the family home before Christmas.

I am surprised he went tbh. It's his house too.

Unless he really did do something unforgivable but then you didn't give any details.

InsomniacAnonymous · 21/12/2018 12:44

MandalaYogaTapestry I agree with you. Too little information.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/12/2018 12:45

A thought in that if he wants to return to the house he is legally entitled to.

Unless you have an order against him doing so.

KlutzyDraconequus · 21/12/2018 12:49

Lying and little secrets is way too vague reasons

No it isn't, not if you have half a brain rattling around in your skull.

From the Op we can easily see that:
There was a massive argument.
He's a liar.
He has multiple secrets.
Things are bad enough to make op come to MN to post a thread.

What other reasons does a woman need to protect herself and her young daughter from further drama?

paintinmyhairAgain · 21/12/2018 12:55

he obviously has a lot to hide if he walked so easily, my abusive ex h went kicking and screaming.

Frozenteatowel · 21/12/2018 13:03

You have done something so hard (especially at this time of year) but once the shit settles, you will be so glad you and DD are free from this lying git. My only regret is wasting so much time with the man who put the gas into gaslighting and giving the time to totally wreck our lives. One thing is utterly non negotiable in a partnership and that is honesty. It would have been so much healthier to have got out much much sooner than I did. Keep strong and don’t doubt your decision. This is the hardest, scariest time but it will end and you will not have to worry about what might be being kept from you. You and DD deserve so much more.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2018 13:27

Lies & secrets destroy trust and broken trust destroys marriages. You cannot be happy living with someone you simply cannot trust to tell you the truth. It's like living with the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head.

For OP to kick her 'd'H out after a massive fight over his lies, we can assume it wasn't because he simply lies about taking the last biscuit or using the last of the shampoo.

Good for you, OP. You're entitled to surround yourself with people you can rely on to be honest with you.

RangeRider · 21/12/2018 13:40

You didn't even say what exactly his fault was. Lying and little secrets is way too vague reasons to ask if YWU throwing a man out of the family home before Christmas.
Sorry but this ^^. You've just ruined your daughter's Christmas. Most things could have waited until after Christmas to get rid of him - the only exceptions are violence & rape/murder of someone else.

OopsInamechangedagain · 21/12/2018 13:49

klutzy what if he lies because she "forbids" him to see his family or stop off for a drink after work or whatever other unreasonable demands? Or like that other thread where the OP was upset because her DH wasn't texting her with his whereabouts throughout his works evening out? Yes it would signify an unhealthy relationship but not necessarily that the H should be kicked out days before Christmas.

I agree chances are the OP is unlikely to have undertaken this lightly and is probably justified in what she's done but it's unkind to imply that Mandala must have half a brain when we don't know the facts of this situation yet.

pog100 · 21/12/2018 13:54

Bloody hell, the apologists are out in force today. It's pathetic how they try to paint you as unreasonable. It's plain to anyone that you would not do this without a good reason. You can sort out the details after Christmas. Don't doubt yourself.

JinglingHellsbells · 21/12/2018 13:58

whatever he has done OP, you cannot (if the house is either owned or rented in both names) kick him out. You may find yourself on the wrong side of the law. he has a right to his home. So in that sense YRBU.

And your DD is going to have one very confusing Xmas.

Agree with the others who said not enough info.

Lies could be anything from years of infidelity and gambling your joint assets, to saying Tesco had run out of crackers 'cos he couldn't be bothered to go and buy some. There are white lies and massive lies.

Without knowing which we can't say you did the right thing or not.
But just because you tell him to leave doesn't mean he has to.

RangeRider · 21/12/2018 13:59

Bloody hell, the apologists are out in force today. It's pathetic how they try to paint you as unreasonable. It's plain to anyone that you would not do this without a good reason
Bollocks. OP hasn't given any idea as to why other than lies. Even if she's found out he's been having an affair you don't kick someone out 4 days before Christmas when you have a child. It's about being a grown up and putting them first. Come Boxing Day you can do what you need to do but until then you put your child first.

Dimsumlosesum · 21/12/2018 14:00

I was RELIEVED when my mum told me they were getting a divorce. I was 7 or so, and I clearly remember when she came in to tell me. The only reason I cried was because she lost it and was sob-crying in front of me and my brother, so I cried because she was scaring me. My aunt was holding on to her arm, looking at me with a really pitiful face - that made me cry too. But NOT because she was leaving my horrible dad. It was the best thing she could've done. Staying would've been horrific.

Dimsumlosesum · 21/12/2018 14:02

You've just ruined your daughter's Christmas. Most things could have waited until after Christmas to get rid of him - the only exceptions are violence & rape/murder of someone else

Well, aren't you a wonderful human being for booting someone whilst they're down.

Don't listen to these horrible people OP.

Lweji · 21/12/2018 14:08

You've given yourself and your DD a great Christmas present.
Better not have a dad around if he was going to spoil Christmas anyway.

Having said that he'll probably expect to be back in a couple of days or to spend some time with his child regardless. You'll have to think about it sooner rather than later.

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