Childless - Colleagues comment

[Last2Know]

I don't know why I am feeling angry/upset about this comment, IAprobablyBU.

I don't have children, I am in a lesbian relationship and we are saving for fertility treatment but it is a LONG way off.

We are finding not having children difficult but it doesn't control our lives.

Colleague (also a lesbian, has 3yo twins via IVF, we were friends before we worked together) just came into our office and everyone was talking about christmas. I said I was so excited! Myself and DP are very strict with money throughout the year but always spend a little extra at Christmas.

Colleague/friend said to me with a frown "Ahh christmas isn't the same without kids, honestly. Having kids is what makes christmas. Like, I used to get excited before kids but now its fab".

I didn't say anything, she doesn't know we are saving for IVF but I still found this comment quite mean.

She had just mentioned that she missed out on tickets for a show I have some for so I waited a few minutes then threw that in lol.

Maybe she is right though, maybe christmas is all about the children.

Hmmph.

So, to mumsnetters who do not have children, what are you most looking forward to over Christmas? And to those with Children, is there anything you miss in general since havign children? *clasps at straws

having christmas is magical with children but i miss being able to relax and enjoying the meal without endless - mum can i have more x,y,z. Oh yes and the lie ins

'The OP has to get used to living in a world with people that have kids.

They're not going to moderate mentioning their kids - and nor should they have to.'

Oh the compassion! It's that famous parental empathy at work again eh?

People are sometimes a bit tactless with those who don't have children they don't know their personal circumstances. No children here. By choice. I work with them and love enjoying the build up with them. I've also spent the last 25 years enjoying the 'magic'of Christmas with various nieces/nephews and friends kids.

I love Christmas i don't feel like I'm missing out on Christmas excitement it's just calmer, we are free to go out and do things and not worry about childcare/ child friendly etc etc. Everyone's different.

She’s being an absolute dick!! Ignore her and please do not let her stupid comments have any impact on your Christmas with your dp.

We have children, it will all be about them, it will be lovely. But..... I will be knackered and I long for some time alone with my DH. We won’t get enough sleep, it will be noisey and I won’t be able to watch what I want on the telly. The (d)c at some stage will fall out and I will have to remove a toy that is being used as some sort of weapon.

At some stage in the day I will have to open the wine to help me through! I am volunteering on Boxing Day. Oh I must be so virtuous! Nope, I will look forward to a few hours peace and quiet!

She’s showing off. Look at me I have children! She also talking shit.

Christmas is for everyone, I hope you have a wonderful one. And good luck with the fertility treatment. DH and I had our own struggles becoming parents so I understand. But other parents lie about how wonderful it all is. It’s great, I love my dc, but it’s not perfect.

Not that I don't love my kids but Christmas with kids isn't all that.

My favourite kind of Christmas includes a long walk. I've not managed to generate enthusiasm for this from my DCs. The moaning is epic.

Baffled by the “it is all so exhausting now”

Single my here. Mine are 5 and 8.

Least exhausting day of year! Lots of new toys and books that they love. And family Christmas films. No need to be anywhere; do anything; just be. Glorious.

My here should read “single mum”

I could just go but it would be rude - it's important to DH, he has a great desire to impress his friends and if I took off he would be so annoyed. I also have to look after DS1 while he takes DS2 out with said friends (DS1 can't cope with it). You're right about not being a doormat but the arguments... DH tends to be sad and sorry and martyr-ish so it's not worth it.

I can't go to midnight mass because DH has to play and so I have to stay at home with the boys. Can't really get a babysitter at midnight!

I'm sure it will all be lovely on the day and I'm just being miserable.

Oh the compassion! It's that famous parental empathy at work again eh?

ODFOD

It was probably insensitive but you are also more likely to be upset as you're emotionally vulnerable so give both of you a bit of a break. And have a fab Christmas!
Fwiw i kind of agree with her but on i never really cared that much about Christmas pre-kids (unless i was a kid myself :)) and i had kids in my mid-20s so never really had 'grown up Christmas habits/celebrations' if that makes sense. Now with the kids i really look forward to it, for them. But your Xmas sounds lovely! Everyone is different!

I am a parent to 2 DC and frankly I miss Christmas before having them.

Opening presents late in the morning after a lie in. Nice cooked breakfast chatting over the dining table. Drinking what you like and playing board games - watching TV.

I do love Christmas with my DC obviously, but to say it's better? hmm nah

Oh dear Magnificent. You really are a treat. Glad you made yourself laugh though

That was extremely insensitive. Fwiw, I have children now, after fertility treatment, and yes Christmas morning with the children opening their presents after santa has been is lovely and magical.

However, pre kids and even during the years we desperately wanted kids. I can't recall ever thinking our Christmases were missing something without children. We got up when we felt like it, swapped our gifts, ate and drank as much as and whatever we wanted. Had a walk, dozed on the sofa. All of which are a lot trickier now the children are here.

For me, it's about spending time with the people who matter to you, whoever they may be.

Christmas is great with and without children. This is the first Christmas my DS knows what's going on and while it's lovely to see his excitement , and it's made me more organised to get things done on time... I'm no more or less excited for Christmas than in previous years. My in laws think Christmas will only be good this year because they have my son now, but I think that's so sad that they haven't enjoyed Christmas since their children grew up. In short... It's only better with children if you think that way. For me it's exactly the same!!