Childless - Colleagues comment

[Last2Know]

I don't know why I am feeling angry/upset about this comment, IAprobablyBU.

I don't have children, I am in a lesbian relationship and we are saving for fertility treatment but it is a LONG way off.

We are finding not having children difficult but it doesn't control our lives.

Colleague (also a lesbian, has 3yo twins via IVF, we were friends before we worked together) just came into our office and everyone was talking about christmas. I said I was so excited! Myself and DP are very strict with money throughout the year but always spend a little extra at Christmas.

Colleague/friend said to me with a frown "Ahh christmas isn't the same without kids, honestly. Having kids is what makes christmas. Like, I used to get excited before kids but now its fab".

I didn't say anything, she doesn't know we are saving for IVF but I still found this comment quite mean.

She had just mentioned that she missed out on tickets for a show I have some for so I waited a few minutes then threw that in lol.

Maybe she is right though, maybe christmas is all about the children.

Hmmph.

So, to mumsnetters who do not have children, what are you most looking forward to over Christmas? And to those with Children, is there anything you miss in general since havign children? *clasps at straws

Here’s the thing, just because people go through a tough time doesn’t mean they are nice people or have compassion for others.

Which is a shame as you would think that that would make people more understanding after first hand going through a difficult situation. But some people like being arseholes.

Urghhh I miss Christmas pre- kids! It’s all about children now. Your friend was being an idiot OP. And good luck with IVF.

Sounds like she’s deliberately being nasty because of your history. Honestly having kids is not the magical fairytale some parents like to pretend it is.

She was insensitive. Christmas isn't just for kids!! FFs. I like carols, church services, pretty lights, Christmas films, getting together with friends and family, and presents!!

Christmas is now ALL about my kids. I do everything to make them smile and happy :) I do enjoy a lot of it as well, the decorations, the lights etc. But all the gifts - I focus on just the children and not really on myself or DH. Before dc, I would just relax during xmas and let my MIL take care of it all. We would just drink wine, watch movies and nibble on snacks while MIL prepared the meal...it was heaven.

She sounds like a complete arsehole to be frank OP. If you can, take some comfort in knowing that people who bang on and on and on about how marvellous something is, are often trying to convince themselves, not you

We don't have children and we don't really do Christmas either. I would still be seriously unimpressed with anyone who suggested that Christmas was all about the children and pointless if you're having an adults only time. I'm looking forward to time off work and eating and drinking a bit more than usual

DH and I don’t have kids. One advantage of this is being able to avoid the commercialism of the whole event. We seem to have all reached peak stuff in my family and no one could think of anything they wanted, so only the dog is getting a present. I’m looking forward to ten days off work, snuggling up on the sofa with the dog in front of the wood burner, watching box sets in my pyjamas and eating baked Camembert. That probably sounds really dull to some, but after a busy year it’s my idea of bliss.

Her and her GF once posted on FB on April fools pretending they were pregnant again

Well don't they sound peachy.

If you say she carried on about it, then 100% she's a CF and please don't let her get to you. She's a douche.

What a load of shit. I can’t bear this attitude from some parents. How can they bear to be so rude as to basically say ‘now that I’m in this exclusive club I can confirm that it’s so much better than what you have and yours is just a lame, incomplete experience’.

And when she knows your circumstances as well!

She’s a straight up bitch!

What a dick she is! That's a stupid comment to make and more so to go on about it. Even not knowing your situation there could be any number of people who that would upset.

Christmas is definitely different with kids around, not better. I do look back on grown up drunken christmases and miss them but the ones now with DD are lovely in a different way.

Christmas is just as fun for grown ups!! How often do we get days off to eat, drink, watch tv and do whatever we feel like?? Your day sounds amazing, enjoy it xx

I don’t think @MagnificentSevenHeaven has said anything wrong. And I agree. I have teenagers and miss all the magic of the christmasses when they were little.

I’ve had pre children, with children and now with older dc who aren’t that bothered about it christmasses. I know which I preferred.
OP specifically asked opinions from both camps - those with children what do you miss?

I love my kids but the money, stress, effort and mental anguish that come with giving the kids an amazing Christmas has sucked the joy out of it for me.

I can't relax, the run-up to it is exhausting and I truly miss the fun, tipsy Christmases where my only job was to provide a handful of presents, eat some lunch, watch some festive telly and play some games.

The comment comes across as a bit spiteful to me. Smug even. I'm sorry it upset you OP. Best of luck with your IVF journey and I hope you have a lovely Christmas 🎄

I don't think it sounds like she was trying to be mean. In her head you're going to have a child soon too.

You do sound a bit petty with the comments about tickets though.

Christmas with children is amazing but I also selfishly miss Christmas without them. Not just the day but the whole run up, missing out on nights out, sorting babysitters, dragging kids shopping. Make the most of indulging while you can!! X

It was pretty unsensitive and rude, but she was probably just thinking out loud. If she's a good friend she probably didn't intentionally mean to hurt you. I doubt she'd have said anything at all if she knew you were saving for fertility treatment. Some people just don't think before they speak and what's worse, it doesn't even occur to them how hurtful they sound. My brother in law and father in law are especially good at this.

I have little ones and it's nice at Christmas but I still enjoyed my child-free xmasses, drinking a bit too much wine, eating without chasing them around a dinner table or staying up until 4am panic-wrapping presents and doing the whole "Santa's been" bit because hubby and I are so disorganised with stuff like that it's not even funny haha.. Christmas is what you make it, kids or no kids so take no notice. xx

I'm childfree. I always loved Christmas as a child but love the laid back, relaxed Christmasses I have with my parents far more now. I'm not ready to swap that yet for mountains of plastic, having to pretend about Santa and having my Christmas dictated by baby routine etc.

Would not be swapping lie in, champagne fuelled morning calling family and listening to favourite radio shows, long boozy lunch with food I've come to enjoy as an adult, present opening in the afternoon/evening and then tv aimed at adults whilst hoovering up chocolate for... 3 yo twins. Just no.

We Don't have children - not through choice. Nevertheless this year is the first since we've been married that we will be completely on our own - apart from relative's dog who will be staying with us. We've alwzys had patents/alternated hosting with my DB before. We are looking forward to a cosy romantic time.

I used to love Christmas before I had kids and I still love it now, can’t say my enjoyment has changed either way tbh. Before having kids I used to always get a huge Lego set for Christmas but don’t now as can’t afford it (and my daughter wouldn’t let me spend all day building it on my own anyway!) I used to have a long lie in, and used to be able to enjoy Christmas dinner more (my 3 year old is fussy - last year she stuffed her whole Christmas dinner in her mouth at once but refused to swallow it - at my in laws! I was mortified!) and the baby will need to be held by one of us throughout I expect, so my dinner will be less relaxing and half of it will go cold before I can eat it!

Also my dad is 84 and is now my oldest living relative. He's fit as a fiddle but starting to slow down slightly. I realise how much I now want memories of these times with him. I'd like a couple more years like this.

We have sex, drink, good food and a lie in. Total bliss. We want kids too but making the absolute most of our childfree ones.

So many people used to say this to me.
I'm now pregnant with DC1 and don't get me wrong, I'm so so excited about having the little one with us next year (all being well).
But...I've always loved Christmas so much!! I love Christmas markets (which might be a bit harder to take a little baby to!), I love sparkly dresses (which I definitely don't fit in to anymore!!). I just generally love the cold weather, sparkly lights. And fuck it, I even love panto!!

She sounds like a bit of a dick!! It will happen for you so soon, I'm sure ❤️

For me Christmas is for family and I love getting dressed up, singing, dancing, playing games. It’s just a lovely time of year. Children between the ages of say 3-10 make it magical because it’s the whole ‘he’s been!!!!’ Or watching Christmas movies on Christmas Eve and not being able to get to sleep cos of the excitement. You can track him online now as well 😂.

I think your colleague was insensitive and what she said was opinion not fact. It will be you one day though so enjoy your adult time now until it comes. Merry Christmas 🎄 ☃️

Hi OP I'm sorry she said this, it's hurtful and tbh I'd be annoyed no matter what my circumstances - the thought you need children to enjoy a day is ludicrous. The only things you need children to be able to enjoy are things like kids parties and soft play and even then enjoy is pushing it.

Sorry getting side tracked. I have kids. I loved Christmas pre kids - seeing friends for a boozy Christmas eve, long lie in Christmas morning, fancy fancy food and fancy fancy cocktails with family. One Christmas we flew to Australia and if didn't have kids were going to spend one in the far East.

I also love Christmas now, it's nice seeing them excited about santa but we still do broadly the same - OK no getting pissed and hangover but still see family, have some lovely (slightly less fancy) food and cocktails.

It's still a lovely time of year for us just different.

If she didn't enjoy Christmas before kids then maybe she's a bit dull (or from the sounds of your updates maybe it's because everyone is with their own families and she doesn't have anyone to wind up) but that doesn't mean everyone is.

Getting drunk.

No fun when the 3 yo doesn't sleep through.

Seeing my floor. No chance ufor at least a week.

Being able to relax

Being able to just go with the floe

If course our Christmas is different now with a child in tow but it'd be a very sad world if you had to be in possession of an under 10 in order to be worthy of enjoying Christmas

There's definitely something magical about seeing excited little faces and squeals of joy from the DC.........

However, building a fucking train table/wooden kitchen 'til 4am on Christmas Eve because DH refuses to read the goddamn instructions and will not accept help then being woken jumped on at 6.30am is far from magical!