Makeup on an 11 year old.

[Makeupaddikt]

I have an 11 year old daughter and I’ve nevr let her wear makeup as I personally think she is too young however, my friend has told me I’m unreasonable and all 11 year olds wear it although not to school????

So is it me BUmor my friend?

I started wearing make-up at 11 but only occasionally and definitely not to school. I experimented with a bit through ages 12 - 14 but then found out I wasn't really fussed and now I don't bother with it. I think a little bit at 11 is okay but wouldn't expect them to go out with a full face on.

I think MsTSwift has summed up my thinking on this @Ihaventgottimeforthis. The world we currently live in is far different to the one I and probably you grew up in.

Placing blanket bans on make up and social media until college, whilst possible, is probably not going to do your kids any favours in the long term.

With my DD, I am actively trying to instil confidence in all aspects of her life. Her education, her social life, her extra curricular achievements and yes, her looks. It’s simply unrealistic in today’s society to bury your head in the sand over this. Whether that’s wrong or right is a complete separate thread. It’s the reality of the world we currently live in.

My DD is being taught that she can express herself how she wants (within reasons for her age) - I want her to feel confident in how she looks, why wouldn’t I? Why would I pretend that looks aren’t a factor in how people are perceived in society?

She’s being taught that as long as she’s happy within herself, then that’s all the matters to me. If she wants to wear football strips and boots every day or dress up as Snow White, I couldn’t give a fig. Equally, if she wanted to give up the piano and start the drums, that would be Ok with me to.

People are not one dimensional; to place emphasis on any one part of an individuals merits (be it looks, sports or education) would be detrimental to anybody. I’m simply guiding her in how to be happy and confident with all aspects of herself, and that does include how she looks.

As I said, I wear make up most days. I probably didn’t start until I was 16/17 but I was certainly allowed to use things before then. I also don’t labour under the social conditioning that I have to wear make up every day to be attractive to men. I can and do go without it, if I choose to. As do my friends. We are all regularly seen at the school gates with not a scrap on and nobody bats an eyelid. If my daughter adopts the same approach as I have then I won’t be unhappy at all as I think it’s a common, healthy approach (certainly amongst my peers).

Of course I’m not naive enough to think there isn’t a problem with young women today and the over emphasis on looks but I think some people are trying to go too far the other way, and try to ignore looks altogether.

We need to be raising confident, ambitious women with a strong sense of self worth so that they aren’t obsessed with Instafame or becoming the next famous YouTube star. That’s a multi faceted approach and I think it starts with leading by example and promoting positive role models both at home and in the press.

DD admires some positive female role models so I’m happy she’s on the right track.

I am a secondary teacher in the south of England and 75% of year 7 (11 year olds) at my school wear makeup.

Makeupaddikt I think your friend is being ridiculous to say you're unreasonable and that all 11-year-old girls wear it - there are plenty of 11-year-olds who enjoy makeup for themselves, plenty who use it for play and plenty who've barely given it a thought. I think it would be very unreasonable and thoughtless to give any 11-year-old girl makeup purely on the basis she is an 11-year-old girl rather than because she's interested in it or requested some.

My 11-year-old Y7 daughter's wishlist is a real mix - on one hand, there are the clothes, art supplies and new sketchbooks, headphones and on the other, she also wants doll clothes and accessories to go with her dolls. She and her siblings have a lot of nail polish and she paints her toenails a lot (and fingernails when she's not going to be at cadets for a while) and likes to paint her younger siblings nails and playing with make-up with her friends - but I've never seen her use any of the make-up - blush, lip liner, lipstick - her friends have given her except when they're all using it together.

I asked her, and it seems to her to be a fun thing to do with friends rather than to be pretty at this point for her. I do think she's starting to feel pressure from her friends from the comments she's made about it and from adults to look a certain way - even at a recent funeral, pretty much all the comments towards her were about how nice she looked which was a bit confusing for both of us. It's interesting, but sad now that I think on it - my older son got asked a lot about what he's doing academically, but I didn't hear anyone ask her about it.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to handle make-up. My mother put a lot on me when I was young and as an adult, I haven't worn any except chapstick when I have a cold. I don't really understand it in a way that is of any use. So far, it's mainly been that they can do what they want with their friends and keep what their friends give them, but I haven't bought anything beyond nail polish and chapstick and they haven't asked to buy any themselves. I'm sure there are pros and cons to any way of doing it, but I don't really see benefits to giving a girl makeup just because she's a girl who has reached a certain age.

My dd 9 has some sparkly nail varnish, lip gloss and glitter gel. She plays with it with her friends when they are round and may wear sparkly nail polish to parties. She never wears it out as 'make up'. She still loves barbies, sylvanians, playmobile and plays baby dolls with her brothers. I think everything is relative. She is a sensible but young 9 year old as are her friends.

Dragonmamma, I think you have an excellent approach to raising your dd. I (hope) I do similar.

DragonMamma I appreciate the world is very different now, and it does sound like you are doing all you can. My concern is that for the wider generation, it's not working. Our girls are suffering and are hurting themselves, and that is going to ripple through their lives as it impacts their mental health.
And I wonder if we need to be having more drastic conversations, before things get any worse. Not just with our own daughters, but as a whole society.
I know I've jumped this thread from 'my young DD would like some make-up for fun' to me going 'ahh but they're all going to have mental health crises and self-harm if we let them worry about their appearance' but my DD is nearly 9 and I'm worrying about how to guide her and her friends safely into being confident and happy young women. I just don't think people take this seriously!

I appreciate most people think I am taking this too seriously

(She IS 9, she's nearly 10. Doh)

Agree with dragon mamma too. My dd and her friends are really really into poetry - good poetry too so lots of poetry books on the Christmas list alongside a new sports bag and .. some eyeshadow

Thanks Trampire and MsTSwift

I don’t think you’re taking it too seriously Ihaventgottimeforthis . We all love our DC, fear for them and want the best for them. Today’s world is a far scarier place than ours ever was.

But I think the danger with fear (!) is that it often makes you reject all ideas of the problem, as you see it which I think is equally as unhelpful.

I believe that being a parent isn’t about being prescriptive or telling our kids what’s right and wrong, good and bad, but giving them the tools to figure it out for themselves and dealing with things that go wrong.

All I hope is that my dc are strong and resilient enough to get through this scary life they live in and hopefully enjoy the experience along the way.

MsTSwift - it’s drawing for mine. I’ve spend eyewaterimg amounts on felt tip pens that graphic designers use.

She also really likes Emma Watson, who’s pretty solid as famous people go!

I think at age 11 where they are now in secondary school, thinking about their GCSE's and what the seriously want to be when they grow up, you have to start treating them like the adult they are soon to be. If she's interested in it then let her. Although a bit of ruling about how much and where she wears it is understandable.

Oh come of it I’m of the More Magazine position of the fortnight era, surprisingly I haven’t turned into a nymphomanic.

If an 11 year old girl wearing a little eye shadow and lip gloss is sexualising them. Then there is either a problem in how we’re bringing up boys or our problem.

@Maldives2006 yes! I used to save the odd Position of the Fortnight in case I ever needed it ‘when I grew up’

For me I think it was Just Seventeen who would have weekly advice on how to snog boys - practice of your own hands or an orange!

I remember not liking Shout! because it was too Tweeny but my best mates mum insisted on getting her a subscription but there was too many posters and not enough real life/relationship stuff in there for us 😁

We are making our children unhappy by putting our attitudes onto them. We are making our girls terrified of the world that is the problem. I’m sick and tired of mom’s who seem to think that they are superior because their daughters don’t want to dress as a fairy.

My 7year old daughter likes fairy’s, unicorns, fashion and make up. She is an extremely talented dancer, likes listening to Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande.

Am I supposed to tell her this is abnormal because it’s gender stereotyping. Feminism is about teaching our girls that they have choices.

Her emotional intelligence is advanced and she has an acute ability to read situations. She likes to play with her LOL’s and running around with her friends. She is kind, thoughtful, feisty and stubborn. She also happens to like sparkle lipgloss, glitter, wearing a bikini and having her hair curled (around 3 times a year). Maybe I should self refer to social services

Wow. I live in Ireland and it is certainly not the norm for 11 year olds to wear make up.

Way to go off the deep end Maldives2006. I'm not advocating sackcloth & ashes, just worried about girls & negative impacts of stereotyping and fixation on the value of feminine appearance & performance.
I guess I am biased from the other perspective, so find it difficult to comprehend having make-up, fashion etc as interests. I'm over-sensitive to it probably.

Funny how you never hear this sort of handwriting about boys growing up too fast. It's like there is something dirty about girls growing up. That to me sends a much worse message than a bit of make up.

My dd is y5

so she is ost likely 9, so totally irrelevant

I would think and 11 yo wearing makeup in public looked trashy and chav

Hand wringing not hand writing!

Trampire like I said I'm sure that will all change. I'm beyond happy that we're getting a bit more time of her being utterly carefree and unaffected by the pressures her friends are feeling.

I don't buy into the shaming of girls/women for wearing makeup at all. I'm just relieved that's currently not our world aside from anything else I'm going to loath spending money on makeup when I don't wear it