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Original poster

Makeup on an 11 year old.

161 replies

Makeupaddikt · 19/12/2018 23:24

I have an 11 year old daughter and I’ve nevr let her wear makeup as I personally think she is too young however, my friend has told me I’m unreasonable and all 11 year olds wear it although not to school????

So is it me BUmor my friend?

OP posts:
MagentaRocks · 20/12/2018 08:10

My 10 yr old niece has a little bit of make up. She doesn't wear it often but I think just having it makes her feel grown up. She only weather for special occasions and then only very light.

MsTSwift · 20/12/2018 08:11

Playing with make up and playing hide and seek and imaginary games are not mutually exclusive Hmm. Who is advocating not encouraging playing? Yes of course we would all prefer if our girls wore smocks and played with dolls but if they move on from that and want to grow up that has to be supported too. My elder one started her periods at 10 not much a “keep them young” parent can do about that either.

RandomObject · 20/12/2018 08:22

I wasn't allowed to wear makeup at 11. I was bullied at school for it.

EyeSaidTheFly · 20/12/2018 08:25

I wasn't allowed to wear make up until i was 16. I hated it at the time but I'm so grateful now. I truly believe it was one of the main reasons I'm so comfortable in my own skin as an adult. I wear make up most days now but I'm not at all insecure about my physical appearance and I think that's because, during an extremely formative period of my life, my parents refused to allow me to sexualize myself. I see children (invariably girls) wearing make up these days. It's sexist, it's sexualisation of children. I find it repulsive.

VI0LET · 20/12/2018 08:49

I agree with you Op and also with cakesandtea.

I want my daughters to enjoy playing with their friends, doing sport, enjoying their hobbies and learning at school. Not trying to look sexy for boys/men.

My kids all do sport, so it’s about skill and strength / flexibility , your body being fit so you can be strong and healthy, not about being shaggable .

I don’t want to teach them that their faces and body are wrong so they need fake nails, fake tan and fake eyelashes at 12 and fake boobs , hair and Botox by 20.

I hate the constant message that they are not good enough as they are, they need to look like someone else to be acceptable and loved. And because I have sons as well, I can see that this doctrine of “ you are ugly and need fixed ” isn’t there for boys. So I resent my daughters being told this.

I don’t see much make up on my 12 years olds classmates either. But then it’s a very academic school and there’s a lot of focus on working and playing hard, most of the pupils will go on to college or university.

So the pressure on the girls is to do well at school, it’s not all about and getting themselves a boyfriend ASAP so you can be living together by 18 and have a baby by 20.

So just a different culture I guess.

I am well aware that this is very much a minority view here on MN and that most of you will disagree vehemently with me, but that’s ok.

MsTSwift · 20/12/2018 08:51

Who wouldn’t disagree with that? My girls also do all those things sport / study : extra academic schools. But sometimes play with eye make up and wear nail varnish. No need to be so absolutist.

Oysterbabe · 20/12/2018 08:52

I started wearing eyeliner at 11, that was 27 years ago. I think I'd allow it.

GlasgowWorrier · 20/12/2018 08:55

My DN has been obsessed

Racecardriver · 20/12/2018 08:55

Playing with make up is not exactly encouraging good habits but it’s not harmful. But wearing make up is inappropriate. 11 is too young.

GlasgowWorrier · 20/12/2018 08:57

Oops, pressed post too soon...

My DN has been obsessed with make up since she was 11. It’s not the Kardashian contouring that bothers me as much as the duck-faced selfies posted on Instagram. But then I’m old enough to remember Minipops - with a shudder.

MsTSwift · 20/12/2018 09:00

It’s easy to be smug if your dd shows not the slightest interest - that’s great easy life. But if they do...do you roll your sleeves up and go into battle on that one? Ensure you stick to your principles result being they are left out of their friendship group? Have to deal with the sadness of that? Not easy parenting a tween.

Dulra · 20/12/2018 09:01

My dd is 11 and when she has pals over they do enjoy putting makeup and nail polish on each other but none of them wear it out anywhere it is more a step on from dress up iykwim. Tbh I don't see any primary kids wearing makeup. Thankfully none of her friends have smart phones yet so selfie putting craze hasn't kicked in yet. I am in Ireland where they are in primary school until they are 12/13 so maybe once she starts secondary in 2 years time she will want to start wearing make up more.

Longtalljosie · 20/12/2018 09:03

It needs to come from your DD! Bugger your friend and her opinions. If your DD we’re pushing for it and all her friends wore it that would need to be considered (although even that wouldn’t be an automatic yes from me) but this just sounds like your friend’s stuff, frankly...

Thesearmsofmine · 20/12/2018 09:04

I vividly remembering gettin my first make up for my 11th birthday 24 years ago! It’s not a new thing, playing with make up is fun, the same as dressing up as a younger child is.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 20/12/2018 09:10

This “they grow up too quickly these days” thing
I was playing “makeovers” with my friend at 9, 10 and 11 and I’m pushing 45
It’s not a new thing. Admittedly we didn’t have social media in those days and were as likely to be playing outside as inside doing our make up
It doesn’t seem to have damaged me as I rarely bother with make up these days
DD is 11 and asked for some make up to wear to her primary leaving party
I bought her a few bits and got someone more useful than me to teach her what to do with it Grin
She has worn it once subsequently to the theatre to watch a show which she also dressed up nicely for.
She looked fine and it was very subtle so I can’t get het up about it 🤷‍♂️

MsTSwift · 20/12/2018 09:13

I think Anne of green gables and Laura Ingalls flipping wilder were fiddling with ribbons etc at a similar age hardly a new thing

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 20/12/2018 09:16

see I think life is not about absolutes
My DD trains at sport several times a week, is ver academic, enjoys performing and oooohhhh shock horror occasionally puts a bit of make up on
Who knew it was possible to have a well balanced pragmatic approach to life Hmm

MrsStrowman · 20/12/2018 09:16

Eleven seems young for make up to me, maybe some fruity lip balm day to day and nail varnish for a party etc but no more

BarryTheKestrel · 20/12/2018 09:18

Is wearing make up inherently sexualising? I don't and never have put make up on to look sexy or to attract males.

For me, make up has been a positive impact in my life as I felt negatively about the way that my face looked. Probably due to media portrayal of women rather than my peers(was never bullied about my face), but a small amount of make up did wonders for my confidence in myself.

I think make up for young teens really isn't an issue as long as it's a natural look and not caked on, if it gives them confidence in themselves.

Yes it's not ideal and they should learn to be confident/happy without it, but are years of internal torment worth it when a bit of powder and mascara can make the world of difference?

AcidPops · 20/12/2018 09:19

Wearing makeup isn’t about being sexy/looking good for men, well, it isn’t in our house. My girls dance (ballet etc) as do I. At 7 & 10 they have quite a bit of makeup and practise different techniques for shows and festivals. Single parent here, they see me put makeup on for myself, not to impress anyone else. I let them wear it for discos or special events but not daily xx

Deadringer · 20/12/2018 09:27

None of my girls wore any make up at all until about age 14, and then only if they were going to a party or something. It was never banned it just wasn't a thing in our house. I don't wear it really myself and my eldest 2 who are now adults only wear it on a night out. Agree with a pp who said that it's not really appropriate for primary school children, none of the 11 or 12 year olds that I know or see when out and about wear make up so it's not the norm where I live. Slap my youngest is nearly 10 and is interested in the same sort of stuff as your DD, as are most of her friends so not unusual at all.

Booboostwo · 20/12/2018 09:38

My 7yo plays a lot with make up and is allowed to wear it outside the house on special occasions. She has been using nail polish since she was 3yo and so has her brother. Their bodies, their choice.

I don’t wear make up btw, my choice.

As for becoming obsessed with body image, being bullied or bullying others over their looks, I don’t think make up is what’s important. A confident child will be confident with Ron without make up and a kind child will be kind with or without make up. Confidence and kindness take time and effort to develop, but neither has much to do with make up.

agirlhasnonameX · 20/12/2018 09:47

DD 11 occasionally wears a little. She goes to youth club and all the girls her age are the same, some caked in it. There is a girl who wears foundation to school too, which is where I would draw the line on both counts.
She hasn't the patience for it though and hates things around her eyes so isn't obsessed or wearing it all the time by any means.
Now and again for fun I think is fine, but admittedly when she asked me last year if she could wear it "because it makes you prettier" I told her no because that wasn't true or a good reason.

DragonMamma · 20/12/2018 09:52

Bloody hell. Where did allowing them to wear make up become parents allowing the kids to be sexualised?

I also resent the assumption that interest in make up = not academic or sporty. My DD is one of the top academically in her class and plays plenty of sport and plays instruments. She also happens to like playing around with make up.

Make up does not lead to vacuous adults. I wear it most days and I amcertainly not Hmm

Ellisandra · 20/12/2018 09:55

My 10yo loves make-up.
Yes, that’s growing up - but it’s not growing up “too fast” for me - for example, she’s asking Santa for make up. How can she be growing up too fast if at 10 years old she still believes the makeup will be delivered by magic?! Grin

I don’t wear any makeup at all, so I am happy that I am modelling for her that you don’t have to wear it.

She loves YouTube tutorials. She finds it fun and creative. She does it for herself, not for anyone else.

I didn’t think this would be my view, before I became a parent.