Makeup on an 11 year old.

[Makeupaddikt]

I have an 11 year old daughter and I’ve nevr let her wear makeup as I personally think she is too young however, my friend has told me I’m unreasonable and all 11 year olds wear it although not to school????

So is it me BUmor my friend?

Is this a just-11-year old in primary school or an almost-12-year old in secondary, @Makeupaddikt? I think this makes a difference regarding "all 11 year olds wear it". It isn't all in secondary, either, but much more common than in year 6.

Oh fgs, don’t be so dramatic. It’s about balance, like all things.

Yes, if you judge a child solely on how they look then no doubt they will end up with issues. However, praising somebody’s intelligence, emotional qualities and looks are part of a balanced picture.

I tell my daughter she’s beautiful whether she’s dressed up, in make up, or not. I also tell her how clever she is, how wonderfully she sings, how kind she is.

Do you think avoid anything linked to appearances is the answer? Are people who don’t wear make up are, be default, happier than those that do?

Do you never buy your DDs a nice dress or top for them to wear? If so, why? Is that not placing importance on how they look? Shall we all wear burlap sacks and avoid appearances altogether?

I think those that are of the ilk that make up and decent clothes have sexual motives are the ones with the issues. I wear nice clothes and make up, for me. Nobody else. My daughter is taught to do what makes her happy and confident.

I would discourage it and rather teach my daughter about being and looking healthy. It's sad seeing kids of 11 looking 16.

Most year 7s I teach wear make up. The very least lipgloss and mascara.

I think it's a personal choice. Dd11(12 in a few days ) has a lot of makeup but she doesn't really use it outside competitions but because I and her sisters get sent a lot more than we need we all pass along what we don't use onto her. It's good quality stuff and I think quality is important for young skin. She just isn't that interested in it at the moment and that's okay. Dh wouldn't let her wear it every day anyway. He is very much in the let kids be kids camp and vetos clothing, hair and makeup while they are still under 16. Once they are 16 they can do as they please.

We do invest in expensive skincare for her however and have taught her to do it religiously. Good skin is the best gift you can give a child. With good skin they don't really need makeup.

Another controversial thing I do for my daughters is waxing from an early age. All of them did sports that required leotards, often high cut, and nobody likes pubic sideburns. Dd11 doesn't require it yet but she's my first brunette daughter since Dd33 , who wasn't overly hairy, but I'm like a gorilla if I don't maintain my upkeep so if Dd takes after me I would even look into laser hair removal for her which has been a huge time saver for me.

My DD is 8 years old and has a comprehensive selection of barbies, ponies, and dollies. She also has a makeup bag (pale eyeshadow, pale lip gloss and some perfume). She loves to do her face for special occasions and is well versed in "less is more!"

I may be being a bit dramatic, but to be honest I'm devastated that a whole generation of girls are harming themselves because of the society they live in.
I'm sure many people are quite happy to pass it off as not a big deal, especially if it's not their DD who is cutting up her arms, fine.
I'm going to call out what I think is one of the contributing factors, and that is young girls becoming overly dependent on other's validation of their looks.
But god forbid we should limit access to social media and teach them that changing their appearance to please others might not be the way to happiness.
We've created this situation, we should face up to it really.
I'm out.

I think it’s laughably smug to post that your child isn’t bothered about makeup and not affected by peer pressure and finds those who like it are odd.

I'm not being remotely smug. My 11 year old is honestly baffled why people want to wear make up and finds the whole thing odd. She's not rude enough to call them odd but in conversations with me that clearly comes across as her sense of feeling. I'm sure that will change but right now as long as she can kick football in her break times and get ridiculously muddy in the process she is perfectly happy and immune to the peer pressure that seems to be rife in the rest of her friendship group.

We know that other children find her odd because she doesn't buy into the beautification of girls and that she'd rather play football with the boys. It bothers me that she gets teased for it some are rude enough to say this, but I'm proud that she isn't compromising on who she is just to fit in.

I'm happy that she's confident in what she wants. There's nothing smug or superior about that...unlike smug parents boasting how mature their child is.

Sumit I felt exactly the same about my dd when she was 11.

As I says earlier, I did feel quite smug that she was confident and different and didn't follow the crowd.

3 years on things a very different.

She's not growling in make-up or prancing about in crop tops, mini skirts or shorts that are cut to show her arse cheeks.....but she's naturally a bit more insecure and doubts herself sometimes. What teenager doesn't at times feel like that?

If wearing a bit of mascara makes her stand a bit taller then all power to her. Like other girls in this thread she still is very involved in school and hobbies and I tell her I'm proud of her achievements all the time. However, if she puts on something nice to go out and as added a bit of brown eye shadow I will often say she's looks nice. What parent wouldn't say that?

I have no idea why more girls are self harming these days. It is a worry. However, like a pp said - I used to experiment with make up and clothes in my early teens. As did all my other friends. We've all grown up to me happy, healthy women with successful careers.

Growling in make-up? - troweling on the make-up.

My DC7 has been desperate to wear make up since she was 4. My DC11 has just started secondary and has only shown vague interest in lip gloss because she wants to be liked. DC7 and DC11 are both immature for their ages, but are polar opposites. Youngest wants to doll up, eldest wants to play football. DC7 gets a little nail varnish in holidays and occasional eye shadow and lipstick if we have dressed up for an occasion. But that's it. She can experiment at home but under supervision and it comes off before we go out.

Excellent and thought provoking posts @ihaventgottimeforthis.

I think it’s pretty sad that “ growing up” is now about little girls looking sexy for men. Not getting an education, taking responsibility for yourself, doing your share of household chores, caring for those you love, choosing good friends or earning money. All these things that used to be what a teenager was about.

Why have we taught our girls that this is what a woman is - a decorative object for the male gaze ? No wonder they are self harming as so may fail to meet up to the standards of Vloggers.

I can assure you my dd is getting a great education and at the grand old age if 14 isn't interested in snogging boys!

bangs head against wall

@vi0let where are you getting that wearing make up is sexualising themselves and making them more attract to men? Why can’t it be for themselves and a fun activity with their friends?

Why can you be all of the things you have listed, whilst wearing make up on a special occasion, if that makes them happy?

Surely you must be able to see that growing up is all of those things, but if a youngster wants to experiment with make up AS WELL then there’s simply nothing wrong with that.

Are you going to be disappointed if/when your DD wants to try a bit of make up?

When I was growing up in the late 80s/90s being a teenager was about hanging around with your mates, reading magazines, hanging around Superdrug and Boots and buying some CDs singles in Woolies. None of my peers, or me, have gone on to have any issues.

We’ve all gone on to have great careers, as accountants, actuaries, doctors etc. A bit of Rimmel Heather Shimmer didn’t stop us achieving what we wanted to!

VI0LET

Why does it have to be for men? My DIL is the most feminine woman I have ever met. She is always done up with flawless makeup, not a hair out of place in her perfect blow wave, skin as soft and pale as if she's never seen a UV ray in her life. Wears flowing dresses and expensive heels and is just generally a real life porcelain doll. And she's a huge raging lesbian. Never been interested in a single man her entire life. Likewise my dd, her wife, is currently all about being as sexy as humanly possible. She is 6ft tall and has a perfect body and beautiful face and she likes to show it off as much as she can. Again, not interested in men in any way. In fact she wanted to be a man until she was 16/17. It's got nothing to do with men, it's just how different people express themselves. In my opinion women don't dress for the approval of men, they dress for the approval (and tbh envy) of other women.

There is some extreme thinking and catastrophising on this thread that’s for sure. 12 year olds messing about with eye shadow is not a gateway to a life of Botox, sexualisation, and a future as a non sport playing sex doll. I remember doing similar at that age as did everyone else!

DragonMamma perhaps you can share your secret then with all the girls who are struggling nowadays.
If you think that make-up has nothing to do with girls self-esteem, or worrying about how they look, or a need to 'fit in' and get approval from their peers, then we do have very different views on it!
It is the difficulty in finding the right balance that is the problem.

If you're of the heather shimmer era, then you didn't have social media to contend with. And I bet one in four of your friends weren't self-harming because of lack of self-esteem. But many women of our age are still labouring under the illusion that they have to wear make-up before they leave the house so they don't scare the children, still suffering with crippling body image, because female conditioning that we should worry about how we look, starts at primary school, and never ends.

Yes but we know our own daughters and can see self harming and fear of going out without make up is a different league to playing with make up at home.

What is your solution then? An absolute ban on all make up and social media until your child is 16? Good luck with that as my dd would say. We live in our society and our kids live in it too we have to help them navigate it and grow up to be strong and confident women. I don’t think hand wringing and banning things is the solution. Encouraging self belief, strong friendships with peers open dialogue with parents and promoting sport music anything they enjoy etc is stuff we as parents can do.

It’s perfectly possible for girls and women to wear make up because they want to and not because they are conforming to a sexualised image to please men. Girls and women should be free to style themselves any way they like without judgement. While cultural stereotypes currently promote beauty and a particular perception of femininity in women, suggesting that no one can adopt these styles even if they freely choose to is equally problematic.

Dragon mamma - teen beauty culture isn’t about” a bit of Rimmel Heather Shimmer on special occasions “.

I used to love to wear nail polish and bright pink lipstick as a 6 year old in the 80's (and in the 80's bright pink really was bright pink). I wasn't allowed to wear it outside or to school. It was more a play thing. So I'm not sure if it is a "nowadays" thing that all the girls now do. I wouldn't let an 11 yo wear it to school but maybe at home once in a while for fun?

This really is an
“Only on mumsnet”
Kind of thread
Meanwhile in the real world.....

My ds14 made an interesting point a few weeks ago, I asked did the girls wear much make up to school? He said ‘much make up? They all wear that much and watch the same YouTube channels, that their make up is the same and they all morph into each other, we can only tell them apart by their hair!’ So I take that as a yes the girls now wear a lot!

I have to be honest I’ve always worn make up daily since a teen, but I see teenagers walking down the street with make up on now and some of them make me go
Wow, they look like they’ve walked off a cover shoot. I’m jealous by how good it looks.

But I’m saying this as a parent of boys, I did judge some of the parents of year 6/7 girls when I seen them plastered in make up. Firstly it’s not good for their skin, but secondly let them be a pre teen, without developing that worry of not wanting to go out without it on. I think a bit of lip gloss and mascara, and for those who have developed early maybe a light foundation and concealer to cover any spots. They don’t need winged eyeliner, smokey eye, and Kylie Jenner lips.

I honestly don’t envy you ladies and gentlemen with daughters these days. There is so much pressure on them to have the right ‘look’, and what do you do as a parent? Stand by your values and upset your daughter? Or give in? Hats off to you!

MsTSwift I don't have an answer, I can clearly see how it's difficult, but surely we need to be thinking about what we can change, and how?
It's lovely to hear everyone on this thread has a daughter who isn't affected by self-esteem, who only uses make-up in a healthy, balanced, fun way and really doesn't feel pressured to look a certain way, or to have a certain appearance, or that they feel unhappy about their appearance. That's really nice.
But the evidence shows us that girls in general are really struggling in their teenage years with happiness and self-esteem. Yes, social media and cyber bullying and gender stereotyping and over-focus on body image is to blame, and I see make-up all tied up in that.
So even though we all have DD's who are happy, balanced individuals who don't need make-up and feel great without it, surely we need to be thinking about how young women engage with the world, and changing the conversation?
An interesting story here: www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-46610403/my-filler-was-botched-but-now-i-love-my-natural-lips

Maybe I am being dramatic and uptight, but I feel dreadful for the girls who end up struggling with confidence and image to the extent they inject their faces with chemicals.