Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Struggling with jealousy over gifts

108 replies

WhoPooped · 19/12/2018 23:17

I love my DP and SCs very much, no drama, no major issues, we all get along very well.

However one thing that is massively irking me is the gifts SD13 receives. I have 2 DC of my own (not DPs, from a previous relationship) and I like to buy them nice things for their birthdays and Christmas. Admittedly they are a bit younger than my eldest SD and their tastes are not so extravagant yet.
So I’m mid-30s, work 50 hours a week on average and earn a good wage so I’m not poor by any standards.

Eldest SD has had at least £700 spent on her for Christmas by DP (and a good few hundred from her mum too). Her Christmas list is extremely extravagant for a 13yo imho. It includes

  • Vivienne Westwood necklace
  • Vivienne Westwood bracelet
  • Vivienne Westwood earrings
  • Victoria’s Secret pjs
  • Victoria’s Secret dressing gown
  • Armani perfume
  • Christian louboutin lipstick

Plus many other lovely but expensive things. I do not begrudge people spoiling their kids but AIBU to feel like these luxury items are things most adult full-time working women would aspire and save up to have?
Her birthday is not long after Christmas and she has requested £400 trainers. DP and her mum are buying them between them so it’s not the cost of it per se, but I feel like if she is just given these things so easily and freely that she’ll end up spoilt with no value for how much things cost?

To put it into perspective my DP earns an average wage and her mum is unemployed so I’m unsure how either of them are affording these things either?

Like I said I earn a good wage and work hard but I’m wearing bog standard high street clothes and I have to admit it is annoying me seeing a 13yo strolling into my home wearing things I wish I could own but can’t afford to.

AIBU to be slightly (secretly) annoyed at this?

OP posts:
DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 20/12/2018 01:29

Sorry Christmas, I do agree with you more than seemed evident from my last message. It's also not the 13yo fault IMO.

northernmonkey1010 · 20/12/2018 03:14

She sounds like a right chav

Cherries101 · 20/12/2018 03:21

It’s up to her dad what to gift her and up to your kids’ dad(s) what to gift them. You really need to start coming to terms with this inequality because it will become more pronounced as the kids get older — especially with inheritances etc.

Shoxfordian · 20/12/2018 04:55

Her parents have led her to expect these sort of presents so it's not surprising that she's asking for them. I don't think there's anything wrong with it if you have the money to do this but it sounds like your dp hasn't really got the money. Have you suggested to him that he could buy her something else or that he doesn't have to spend that much? How does he take it? Its his fault really for indulging her tastes before

Aquiver · 20/12/2018 06:16

I would question how your DP is able to afford these items - credit card?

Holidayshopping · 20/12/2018 07:54

It's not really her fault I agree. My parents would have laughed at such a list... Then possibly considered getting me ONE of the items from it if it wasn't too outrageous. Champagne taste, beer money is how my parents would refer to such expectations as.

Absolutely!

It’s their job to manage her expectations and ensure they are realistic-not just buy her everything she writes down?! What does he say when you talk to him about it? What if she writes a list totalling £1000? £10000? Where will he stop!? I don’t think I would to stay in a relationship with someone who was that blinded.

I also wouldn’t buy myself a pair of £400 shoes and my feet have stopped growing! Ridiculous to buy them for a teenager whose feet haven’t!

BeanTownNancy · 20/12/2018 11:33

When I was a kid a bit younger, maybe 11 or 12, my parents were pretty well off... But they still didn't buy us loads of tat, even though they could happily afford it. I remember once asking for a PS2 and they said it had to be my Christmas and birthday (January) present, and I wouldn't get any games, I had to ask for them from other family members as their presents or save up pocket money. They insisted on teaching me the value of money and to appreciate what I had and to compromise and work and save for what I wanted. They then used the money they saved to take us on family holidays to give us lifelong experiences and memories.

I didn't understand it then, but as an adult I'm so grateful to them and I hope I can teach my own kids the same values as they grow up.

Chamomileteaplease · 20/12/2018 11:40

Do you worry that you will lose respect for your dp over this?

Have you talked about it? Especially how you say that he wouldn't be able to afford to treat all the kids equally.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page