Struggling with jealousy over gifts

[WhoPooped]

I love my DP and SCs very much, no drama, no major issues, we all get along very well.

However one thing that is massively irking me is the gifts SD13 receives. I have 2 DC of my own (not DPs, from a previous relationship) and I like to buy them nice things for their birthdays and Christmas. Admittedly they are a bit younger than my eldest SD and their tastes are not so extravagant yet.
So I’m mid-30s, work 50 hours a week on average and earn a good wage so I’m not poor by any standards.

Eldest SD has had at least £700 spent on her for Christmas by DP (and a good few hundred from her mum too). Her Christmas list is extremely extravagant for a 13yo imho. It includes

• Vivienne Westwood necklace
• Vivienne Westwood bracelet
• Vivienne Westwood earrings
• Victoria’s Secret pjs
• Victoria’s Secret dressing gown
• Armani perfume
• Christian louboutin lipstick

Plus many other lovely but expensive things. I do not begrudge people spoiling their kids but AIBU to feel like these luxury items are things most adult full-time working women would aspire and save up to have?
Her birthday is not long after Christmas and she has requested £400 trainers. DP and her mum are buying them between them so it’s not the cost of it per se, but I feel like if she is just given these things so easily and freely that she’ll end up spoilt with no value for how much things cost?

To put it into perspective my DP earns an average wage and her mum is unemployed so I’m unsure how either of them are affording these things either?

Like I said I earn a good wage and work hard but I’m wearing bog standard high street clothes and I have to admit it is annoying me seeing a 13yo strolling into my home wearing things I wish I could own but can’t afford to.

AIBU to be slightly (secretly) annoyed at this?

700 quid on Christmas presents is insane.

Does your DSD play with anything others her age do, or is she just onto make up and jewellery?
Play? Tbf she’s 14 not 8. I don’t many kids of her age play with toys, games consoles yes (of which she has many) and her mobile phone

I don’t think many kids of her age* I meant

YANBU, at all.

Far, FAR too much stuff and also age-inappropriate.

I have a slightly older teenage niece and if she requested anything from VS, I'd say no, on principle. Teenage girls do not get 'stuff' marketed at adult women.

I did know a couple of girls at school like that, OP. One 16yo girl found a 36 yo guy and the "look at what he bought me with his grown up job" was definitely a factor in that relationship.

YANBU OP. At all. This is madness. Don't feel horrible, you are not. It's ridiculous.

I would be very wary of entangling myself with a man who is living / buying so far beyond his means, you might find the credit used to fund this insanity comes back to bite you on the bum. And yes, setting up a massive expectation for the other children which is a worry. I have no advice, sorry but you are not weirdly jealous or unreasonable. Just normal and sane.

Feel sorry for her future partner... how judgmental.
Her parents are the ones to blame if anyone is so how about we stop acting as if a 13 year old should say no to being offered these gifts. Unless now 13 year olds are grow ups.

I was bought designer, went on holidays to the states, Jamaica etc and now I'm an adult I'm responsible, and in fact my dp had just bought me hola hoops and chocolate for our anniversary because I hate gifts now. I haven't got one designer item now because my dc come first.
Plus OP and her mother wears VW, so I wonder where she got the idea to want it.

op dont worry she wont be wanting vw next year.(so you can have her leftovers) . she will move on to gucci and louis vuitton.
people in real life do buy this stuff for kids all the time whether rich or poor. it can be saved up for.
perhaps she is more a quality over quantity kind of girl. either way i hope she enjoys being spoilt with her luxury goods at christmas.

YANBU.

My teenage niece's Christmas "wish list" (which is written out complete with price list) comes to over a grand this year. Lots of designer clothes, shoes, jewellery, no single item is cheaper than £80. Usually I spend about £50 on her, this year I'm considering bunging her a tenner just cos I think her list is bloody cheeky and taking the piss!

It's all over priced tat. And her parents sound like idiots. Don't be jealous.

also victoria secret pink range is jogging suits marketed at teens so nothing strange there

perhaps she is more a quality over quantity
Except it’s both. If it was one or two designer items I don’t think it would be so bad. It’s the sheer volume of it that it niggling me.

I'm a little out of touch with what they're doing at that age (and sorry, I thought she was 13 not 14, my eldest is 11 and I was trying to think of what she might be doing in two years lol).

Actually, I really don't know what is normal for 12-18. My DD11 is into Xbox games, Kindle games, YouTube, cannot get enough of books and has gotten into my 'nerdy' board and card games. Which I approve of, because we can do that as a family and she's coming to my gaming social evening this week.

Also plays football for the local girls team.

But I admit, I've no idea what else they do.

Do you worry what your own DC will ask for, with them seeing what she has? Does your OH know your feelings about that?

@rubyslipper1 have you seen the teeny tiny pink satin pjs? There is nothing appropriate about them for a 13yo

She is 13, she’ll be 14 just after Christmas

It's not a question of dsd being "offered" stuff, Christmasisforadults2 she's asking and getting! Yes, it should be curbed but if she always gets what she wants, the demands increase and so do her expectations. She might turn into my ex boss who had a tantrum and flounced out and wouldn't eat dinner last xmas day- her new 2k louis vuitton bag was too small.

im sure most girls that age will be asking for a jogging suit with pink written down the legs and arms but no never seen them. @whopooped

It's all just a bit... Well adult. In a slightly creepy sexualized way tbh. Sexy skimpy pj's, lipstick, perfume. It's what I would expect partners to buy as special gifts or adult women to treat themselves to.

I get girls love makeup and jewellery but you start off in the junior ranks and work your way up surely?

@rubyslipper1 like I said it’s aimed at older teens, not 13yo (I hope!) the PINK range has a whole section called “date bras” which are all ornate and sexy

@FlashByReputation yes I agree. I also find it odd that SD is getting Victoria’s Secret and lipstick and I get bobble hats 😂

I work on a retail park with a Flannels store OP and you'd be shocked at the amount of kids who walk into my restaurant on a regular basis with bags of stuff from there!
Kids these days are so spoilt I feel sick at the thought of not being able to afford these things for my DD if all her friends have them when she goes to high school 😔

I’m worried this thread may be outing and suspect DP’s Ex is a Daily Mail reader.
How do I get this deleted?

@DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops what do you mean she's not offered it?... it's on offer otherwise she wouldn't ask and get would she. And she my grow up and be this person blah blah blah a lot of what if's.
You never asked or wanted something you shouldn't at that age?

wait whats mumsnet got to do with daily mail. im quite new on here. do they print chats in paper or something

@WhoPooped exactly! I get the idea if special expensive lipstick for a 16th birthday, perfume for 18th, because its kind of marking a transition from girl to woman. But she's just a kid! I guess you should be thankful she's asking for pj's, next year she will be saying all she wears to bed is Chanel really don't know what the answer is either. If it's no skin off your nose then you can't really say anything. But maybe casually mention you expect a similar budget for your Christmas presents? No more bobble hats?