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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lifts home

96 replies

AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 16:44

I work in a pub. Do a few evenings a week, leave at 12/1am. I drive so seem to be ‘expected’ to give lifts home to other members of staff who don’t drive.
Now, this really gets on my tits! They live the opposite direction to my house, don’t offer me any money(I wouldn’t accept it). One of these lifts is the owner of the pub. He can drive(has a very nice car actually) but comes in on his shift, doesn’t actually work but gets pissed, then expects a lift home...
The other is the manager. She’s offered me her tips once(was about £3). When we work together I always give her a lift. I can’t really say no, Can I.
My issue here is this... we had our Christmas night out last week. The restaurant we ended up in was cash only and I only had £10 on me. The manager said she’d cover the extra £7 for me. I said ‘just take it out of my wages’.
I must have saved this woman about £100 in taxis since we’ve worked together. She took the £7 out of my very small wage packet... I obviously told her to. But AIBU to say no to these expected lifts in future?

OP posts:
Hisnamesblaine · 19/12/2018 16:47

Just tell them things will be tight in the new year and a small contribution will be needed from now on. Can't believe their cheek

rabbitfoodadvocate · 19/12/2018 16:50

Just say you need to get straight home from now on and nobody lives in the right direction. You don't need to give more info than that.

BiddyPop · 19/12/2018 16:55

They live in the opposite direction.

You are not a taxi and don't get paid for additional time to drop them home (at least, I presume so?)

I would leave the car at home some nights, or have lots of parcels in it so no room for others, or justtell them a flat "no" you are not doing lifts for people anymore as you need to just get home.

Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 16:55

I’m one of these ‘people pleasing’ types. I hate upsetting people and I worry there’d be an atmosphere if I started doing this.
One of the girls I give a lift to, lives more or less in my direction. She’s only 19 so I feel like I want to make sure she gets hole ok. She’s in uni too, doing driving lessons and I get on well with her. So I really don’t begrudge her a lift. The manager though, has just never bothered to learn to drive. Said she just never got around to it as it wasn’t top of her list. She’s about 50

OP posts:
Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 16:56

I have 2 kids car seats in the back which I always have to reshuffle if I take both of them. That really fucks me off. I hate being a nice person. I wish I was a cunt

OP posts:
NeedAGoodUsernameThatIsntTaken · 19/12/2018 16:56

Wow they are incredibly cheeky. Taking 7 pounds out of your wage is very mean and tight fisted after all the money you have saved her. I would be telling them I can no longer give lifts

Holidayshopping · 19/12/2018 16:57

I would say no, but I never seem to end up in these sort of situations that people talk about on here so never have to.

How do they all get home at the end of shifts that you don’t do?

Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 16:58

Taxi or some other member of staff that drives.

OP posts:
CottonTailRabbit · 19/12/2018 17:04

Your manager didn't worry about there being an atmosphere when she took the £7 did she?

Tell people straight out that you are not doing lifts any more because you want to get home earlier and get every last bit of sleep. Of course they'll be a bit put out because it inconveniences them. They'll get over it.

Learning not to people please is life changing. This is an easy one. Do it. Let yourself learn how to let people be a bit grumpy and do absolutely fuck all about it, not even say sorry.

Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 17:09

No one even left a tip in the restaurant!! I was gobsmacked. The service wasn’t great, but still you leave a fiver at least!!

I need to grow some balls don’t I.

OP posts:
rabbitfoodadvocate · 19/12/2018 17:11

Saying no doesn't make you a cunt at all. Saying nothing makes you a doormat though.

Your car, your life, your rules.

CottonTailRabbit · 19/12/2018 17:12

Make sure you race out of the door and drive off as quick as a flash at the end of your shift.

If anyone starts giving you attitude think to yoursel hmm, they are quite happy to make feel bad for not doing them a favour that inconveniences me, no way this entitled cheeky fucker is getting a lift no!

One of the keys to breaking the people pleasing habit is to start seeing the guilt trips put on you as a big fat sign that you should judge the other person not yourself. Huffs and other manipulations harden your heart not soften it.

RunningFeisty · 19/12/2018 17:13

Tell them in future you can't give anymore lifts as you can't afford the fuel. Keep firm.

Chloe84 · 19/12/2018 17:15

Stop being a mug OP, please!

ButteryParsnips · 19/12/2018 17:17

It's every adult's own responsibility to get themselves home from work. I like the idea of saying you're tightening your belt in the new year so from then on you won't be able to give lifts. Then you've warned them, which is nicer than you need to be [smile

Floralhousecoat · 19/12/2018 17:19

Op. I feel bad for you. Being a people pleaser is bloody hard. I used to be.

Send a message out saying you won't be doing lifts anymore for those living in the opposite direction. It gets late and you're tired and don't want to drive when you're tired. You don't have to offer excuses but if you feel you must, this may say something along those lines.

Good luck x

Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 17:20

Great advice so far. I just hope I can go through with it, rather than the festering resentment I’m currently harbouring!
Glad I’m not BU. I thought some might say ‘you drive so yes, why not give a lift or 10?!’

OP posts:
DeepanKrispanEven · 19/12/2018 17:23

The manager said she’d cover the extra £7 for me. I said ‘just take it out of my wages’.

Why?

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 19/12/2018 17:24

I understand where you’re coming from (been there, done it) just say when they’re asking for lifts ‘look, I’m going to need something towards petrol because I just can’t afford to keep doing this’. Or just say no, you need to get home.

It’s hard the first time, but they’ll quickly cop on.

On the other hand... you told her to take the money, you don’t say no, so what do you really expect? CFs will only get away with being CFs as long as you allow them to, but you literally are inviting them to do this.

You do have my sympathy, I promise- when you start saying no politely it is very satisfying! Smile

Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 17:25

Why what? Why did I say take it out of my wages?

OP posts:
DeepanKrispanEven · 19/12/2018 17:25

Tell them your new year's resolution is to stop being a mug. Therefore if they want lifts they will have to pay for your petrol and your time. You can always separately tell the 19 year old who lives near you that it doesn't apply to her.

If it creates problems, look for another job. I don't know where you are, but in our area the pubs and restaurants are absolutely desperate for reliable staff.

DeepanKrispanEven · 19/12/2018 17:25

Yes, why not just accept the £7? It's a drop in the ocean compared with what she's saved on taxis.

Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 17:26

I’m totally aware that I only have myself to blame. I should have just said no the first time. Been at this job about a year. I’ve saved those CFs a bloody fortune!!! Angry
I’m annoyed at myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 17:27

Oh I know. I honestly thought she’d say ‘oh don’t worry about the £7. You’ve saved me a fortune with all the lifts home’. How wrong I was

OP posts:
eggsandwich · 19/12/2018 17:28

What about parking your car a few streets away and then walk the rest to work, if they then say can you give me a lift just sorry my cars out of action, then walk back to your car.

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