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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lifts home

96 replies

AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 16:44

I work in a pub. Do a few evenings a week, leave at 12/1am. I drive so seem to be ‘expected’ to give lifts home to other members of staff who don’t drive.
Now, this really gets on my tits! They live the opposite direction to my house, don’t offer me any money(I wouldn’t accept it). One of these lifts is the owner of the pub. He can drive(has a very nice car actually) but comes in on his shift, doesn’t actually work but gets pissed, then expects a lift home...
The other is the manager. She’s offered me her tips once(was about £3). When we work together I always give her a lift. I can’t really say no, Can I.
My issue here is this... we had our Christmas night out last week. The restaurant we ended up in was cash only and I only had £10 on me. The manager said she’d cover the extra £7 for me. I said ‘just take it out of my wages’.
I must have saved this woman about £100 in taxis since we’ve worked together. She took the £7 out of my very small wage packet... I obviously told her to. But AIBU to say no to these expected lifts in future?

OP posts:
Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 17:28

I spent a lot of time AND money learning to drive and passing my test. I’m a barmaid, not a fucking taxi driver!!

OP posts:
Floralhousecoat · 19/12/2018 17:30

You're finding your anger op. Well done. Message them while the anger burns bright. You CAN do it!!!!

Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 17:30

When I lived closer, I used to leave my car at home and walk, just so I didn’t have to give lifts! I live further away now so walking isn’t an option.
I have considered parking elsewhere though but then though why the hell should I?! Then I posted on MN! 😂

OP posts:
WilburforceRaven · 19/12/2018 17:31

I need to grow some balls don’t I.

Yes! No idea why you told her to take the money out of your wages. You just tell them, 'Sorry, but I can't do lifts anymore. I can't afford the extra fuel and the extra wear and tear on my car. I'll do it this one more time but that's it, I can't afford it.'

Simple. Not rude and not being a cunt, just the truth.

eddielizzard · 19/12/2018 17:31

This is totally not on. What a cheek. I'd give lifts to the 19 year old, but I'd stop with everyone else. Your manager should know better than to treat you so badly. I'd also think about moving jobs in case she starts being an arse.

Bringbackthestripes · 19/12/2018 17:31

At the beginning of your next shift just say “I need to get straight home so you will have to start making arrangements to get yourself home from now on”
What they are costing you in time, wear and tear on the car AND fuel costs all adds up.

Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 17:32

You're finding your anger op. Well done. Message them while the anger burns bright. You CAN do it!!!!
Can you come to work with me please??

OP posts:
CottonTailRabbit · 19/12/2018 17:32

How will you do it? Who will you tackle first? How much warning will you give? How will you do it?

Me, I think this kind of thing is best done by text. Often people's immediate reaction is a selfish FFS and a push back at you. Face to face that's awkward for you both. By text they have time to come to terms with their new normal. Most people realise upon a little reflection that any complaint would be cheeky fuckery and so they won't complain. Text gives them the chance to work through those emotions in the privacy of their own home. You send the text, don't use crap excuses, then don't mention it again unless they raise it and even then be kind of dismissive as if there's nothing to discuss.

Being clear that you aren't doing lifts any more because you simply don't want to make it harder for people to argue too.

Hi x, just dropping you a note to let you know I've decided to stop giving lifts home to anyone. I value the quiet time alone in my car plus I want to get home to bed quicker. Nothing personal, I just want the time to myself. See you tomorrow x

Ghanagirl · 19/12/2018 17:33

Just say it’s costing you a lot in petrol.
if you’ve got car seats as opposed to boosters kids must still be young so tell them you’re tired and kids get up early.

Floralhousecoat · 19/12/2018 17:33

Noooooo. Don't park your car further away. Tell them no more lifts from now on. Then drive off with a cheery wave every night after work!!!
Can you tell I'm totally invested in this now?

WilburforceRaven · 19/12/2018 17:33

Me, I think this kind of thing is best done by text. Often people's immediate reaction is a selfish FFS and a push back at you.

This. CFers rely on manipulating mugs to their advantage.

Pibplob · 19/12/2018 17:34

I would either say that you need petrol money/ can’t afford to do it on the new year as money is tight (if you’re happy to do it with the petrol covered) or just that you can’t do it anymore as you need/ want to get home ASAP and it adds x amount of time into your journey.

Floralhousecoat · 19/12/2018 17:36

I will come to work with you and I will tell them to eff off. I hate c.f.s and I am extremely hard on myself never to be one.

MirandaGoshawk · 19/12/2018 17:38

Before I learned to drive I worked in a shop a couple of miles away. One of my colleagues lived around the corner at the end of my road, so one way of going home was to pass my door. I never asked her to take me in, but at first, sometimes I would ask for a lift home so that I didn't have to hang around in the cold for a bus. Sometimes she made excuses (I have an appointment) or agreed, but then she started to refuse, saying that she didn't like giving lifts. We got on well apart from that, but it made it a bit awkward. I never was able to think of her as a friend. I think she felt this too, but it didn't stop her. So - some people have the front not to be manipulated. I would be like you, OP, but this is much harder for you. I do think you need to find a way of putting a stop to it for the others, if not for the 19yo. But if it was my 19yo I'd be collecting her!

RebootYourEngine · 19/12/2018 17:38

Just drop it into conversation that you are tightening your belt after christmas and will be using your car less. It doesnt need to be a confrontation or made a big deal of.

Ghanagirl · 19/12/2018 17:38

@eggsandwich
But why should op walk back to her car at 1.00am it’s not very safe.

eggsandwich · 19/12/2018 17:38

Or you could say all this giving lifts is costing you a fortune in petrol so unless I’m driving past your house I will not be giving anyone a lift and if I do I expect a monetary contribution there and then, I can’t afford to be an unpaid chauffeur and to be quite honest I just want to go home when I’ve finished work.

Cornishclio · 19/12/2018 17:43

I don't seem to end up in positions like this but then I have no problem saying no. I think this is your problem OP in that you are a people pleaser which is all very nice but leaves you open to being taken advantage of. You just say to your manager that it is not on your way home and you don't get paid enough to cover driving all over town and just want to get home asap. Also tell her it is a pain taking the child seats out, which it is. I have two in the back of my car for the DGDs and hate having to remove them as they are a faff to put back in afterwards. You can say you have room for one only, the 19 year old who lives close to you. The managers can sort themselves out.

Original poster
AntiTreeHugger · 19/12/2018 17:43

Even if they offered me money, I still wouldn’t want to do it. I don’t ‘need’ to work(I’m a SAHM and only go to work to work to escape! 😂 ) DH thinks I should tell you hem to bugger off too

OP posts:
SundayGirls · 19/12/2018 17:44

If you don't mind giving lifts but want a financial contribution to the petrol then say that. If you don't want to give lifts no matter even if there was a financial contribution but don't want to give a flat No then say from the New Year you are starting a new online course which you do early in the mornings (say it's Spanish or something) and so you will be going straight home from now on as you need to get up early to do your coursework. And you say you have kid seats in the back, so you have kids to deal with in the morning? You could say you need to be up early to take the kids to some 9am thing (if you work weekend shifts) so you need your sleep thanks.

Or you could just say it's not fair that you are always the one to run everyone back home and then pause to see what they say.

Basically pick your lane and stick to it.

This sort of piss taking bugs the heck out of me. YANBU.

CottonTailRabbit · 19/12/2018 17:46

I don't want to any more is a good enough reason. If they want to have a laugh at you being funny about you and your car then let them have at it, join in, make it light, and still a big hard impenetrable wall of NO. Ha ha please don't ask as a refusal often offends.

SushiMonster · 19/12/2018 17:46

Just don’t do it. Be assertive.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/12/2018 17:46

I agree with all that you say, OP apart from the tipping at the restaurant. You say the 'service wasn't great' but you still expect to leave a tip. You and others like you are the reason why 'service isn't great' in this country. I wouldn't tip for poor or mediocre service and I don't think that anybody should.

Tip well for great service and that's what you'll get. Don't deride your colleagues for not tipping poor service as that's a different issue. They're not being mugs, you are. Sorry. Change that.

SushiMonster · 19/12/2018 17:46

Or make it financially worth your while. Charge each of them a fiver a time.

Turquoise123 · 19/12/2018 17:48

time for a new job maybe..?