I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. I am 23, he is 36. We don't live together although we are planning to move in together next year after i finish my master's degree. I stay at his place for weeks at a time, even months during the summer.
I don't work but i have my own money. Less than him, but enough to cover my rent, bills, food, travel and necessities.
Generally we get along well and things are good. However there is one major problem that has been bothering me. When i stay at his place for a long period of time i do EVERYTHING. I do laundry,i fold it and put it in the wardrobe, i cook dinner every single night, durink the weekend i also make us breakfast and lunch, i do the dishes every single day, i pack his lunch for work, i clean the flat,i take bins out, i even put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. I also do a food shop every week (i don't drive so i have to carry bags uphill for half an hour).
He works Monday to Friday from 9 to 5. Desk job. When i tell him that he should do some stuff around the flat too he says things like 'Well i work every day so we can have a flat, food and afford nice things'. Which is fair, but it's not like i am dependant on him. I pay rent for my own flat, i pay my own bills, i pay for what i need for myself, i buy food for the both of us.
If i don't do the housework he still doesn't do it and i can't live in filth. If he makes a sandwich or toast he lives the buttery knife on the counter, crumbs everywhere. He is very messy. We had an argument a while ago because the bin was full and i did not take it out that day and he said to me: 'I feel like when you are here you treat this flat like a holiday home'. Then i told him every single thing i do around his flat and again i got the 'i go to work every day so we can have this and this' response.
I did a big expensive Christmas food shop the other day. But we still need the turkey, veg, fruit and drinks that are difficult to carry. I keep asking him to go get them but all i get is 'i am tired, just make me a list and i'll grab some things during lunch break". I said no, we need to go one day when you come home from work. He just tells me he's tired and that i can get the rest of what we need because i have nothing to do. Last year was my first Christmas with him. We had a Christmas lunch with his family then for the rest of Christmas we ate cheese sandwiches because he was too unorganized and lazy to do a food shop.
I now have doubts about moving in with him next year. I'll have a full time job too by then and i don't want to come home from work, do everything while he is relaxing on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready.
Besides this he is affectionate, funny, caring and we enjoy our time together. His family is great and they like me. I really don't know what to do.