to ask if you live near your parents?

[Denira]

I live 190 miles from my parents. I have a 7 week old DS and am struggling with the fact that my mum and Dad are missing out on so much. It makes me really sad that they only see him once every few weeks. I miss them so much and envy people who have their mum round the corner.

I work in a specific field in law enforcement and have a DSD who lives down the road from us, so no chance of moving closer to my parents.

Does anyone else find them self in a similar situation? Can anyone reassure me that this is common and that it'll all be fine?

Feeling deeply sad about it...

My parent are thousands of miles and a 13 hour flight away across a wide ocean. It is very common in London not to live near your parents and very much the norm.

I moved out at 17 to London, they live in Kent. Still miss them a lot (and would often cry while waving goodbye to DM from the train window lol), but it’s not practical for me to live in Kent.

I find it quite strange the expectation on Mn that people usually live near family. I’m very fond of my parents, but I’ve lived in a series of different countries to them for over 20 years, before and after I had DS.

I lived around the corner all my adult life. Children æobed it, as did i. Moved 1 hour away 2 years ago. Love where i live, miss my mom. As do my teenagers !

Aobwd - loved

I lived abroad for the first 3yrs of my DD’s life so I know what it’s like to have no family around. Now they live 15 mins away as I moved back home.

I live 2 mins from my parents, I love it. They have been my rocks through having the DC when DH has been at work and I see them 5 days a week and they have my DD once a week all day for me so I can have a break (DS at school)

When I was 18 I met my DH who is from London and I lived there for 2 years but missed my mam every second and we eventually moved to my home town, DH was happy to become an honorary Northerner

I lived in NZ for the first two years of DS life parents UK.

Lived 2 hours away ever since. Would be weird having them round the corner.

Awaiting "my mother's dead and you should appreciate yours is alive and not moan about distance. I wish my mother were alive and 190 miles away".

Not unreasonable at all, OP. Circumstances take us away from family.

I live 5 hours drive from my parents and the same distance in the other direction from my in laws. We moved cities twice before my eldest was 2 and when we moved here I knew literally nobody and I really didn't want to move here. I am fine and you will be too. I think if you don't have family support it is important to meet other people in the same position by going to baby groups etc. and build your village that way.

I have always lived less than 10 miles away from my parents. And my kids live 20-30 miles from me.

I know people are different, but it wouldn't do for me to be 100's of miles away from my parents OR my kids.

Each to their own, but I can never understand people who move to countries far away from their family and friends. I know it's nice to travel and experience the world, but you can do that without leaving the UK and everyone you know and love! I know several people whose kids moved to Asia, America, and Australia, and they see them for a fortnight every 2 years, and their grandkids don't know them.

I also know a women with 3 sons - all who moved away 200 to 400 miles, and she sees them for 2 or 3 weekends a year, and has very little to do with her grandkids. In fact, they barely know her and her husband.

I don't care if people say it's needy or clingy or whatever else people say; I would never want to be more than half hour drive from my parents, and from my kids. If my kids move 1000's of miles away, there's nothing I can do, but they are in their mid 20's now, and happily settled in relationships and jobs less than 20 miles from me and DH, and I don't see it changing anytime soon. Especially as their partners families are quite closeby too, and THEY prefer to live close.

The people I know whose kids moved far away are actually quite sad about it. I have yet to meet anyone with adult children, who is pleased that their kids have moved 200 or more miles away (or to another continent.)

@Denira YANBU. Sorry my post is no help (probably,) but I would HATE to be far away from close family.

If I had a choice; live 5000 feet from my parents and (adult) children or 5000 miles, I know which I would choose (option 1.) And I think the vast majority of other people would too. I mean, unless you had a very toxic relationship, why would you want to move far away (permanently?)

'To experience new cultures, and spend time in other countries etc....,' doesn't really wash. As I said, you can do that by simply travelling.......

I live 2 days travel from my Mum, MIL is 3h away. Both grandfathers are dead. MIL pops down quite a bit, Mum not so much. I think it's really hard being away from family support.

It's not just the GPs missing out, the first few years the kids don't know them (they only remember them visit to visit once language starts) which can be difficult depending on the adults. It means you don't have ready babysitters which isn't good for your marriage (not enough date nights) and makes some things even more difficult. DS has asthma and hospital stays are a nightmare because there's no-one to look after the other kids so all trips too and through involve everyone in the family. We had one memorable week when DS was on the main ward and DD1 was in and out of the day ward for some routine monitoring and so DD2 had to come in and out as well. If a grandparent was nearby that would be much easier, we could have left DD2 with them. This becomes normal and then you talk to people who have no fucking clue local helpful parents who will be moaning that their DC1 broke her arm when the grandparents were abroad and it was a nightmare to deal with all the kids in hospital. Em, yes, that's my normal.

It is pretty limiting career-wise to insist on living close to your parents. I cannot understand that but to each their own.

@blueshoes

It is pretty limiting career-wise to insist on living close to your parents.

That's not even slightly true for most people.

I mean, unless you had a very toxic relationship, why would you want to move far away (permanently?)

Work? You must have a very limited life experience to not know that people travel to where the work is.

I am not even sure you know "most people"

That's not even slightly true for most people

I grew up in the north of Scotland. My brother is an actuary, I am a scientist who works in the Pharms industry. Believe me, there really is a limited selection of jobs for anyone with ambition when you grow up on a rock in the Atlantic.

I would only move to another country (or 100's of miles away, if I had no-one who meant anything to me in my life to leave behind.

Some people on here talk as if every decent job - and career opportunity - is 200+ miles away, or in another country.

What a load of bollocks. YOU are the one with 'limited life experience' and limited intellect if you actually believe that horseshit.

As for living on a rock in the atlantic 'story'... That's very cute.

MOST people do not live in that kind of situation and MOST people don't need to move 100's or 1000's of miles away for a good career.

They choose to.

Fine. Must not care enough about your family/people at home.

Your choice I guess.

I live about a 30 min drive from my parents and we're 15 mins from in laws.

redandyelloe some people prioritise relationships. Others prioritise interesting and challenging work. There is no need for insults or room for talking in absolutes.

I'm about 2 miles away from my parents, my mother in law is 150 miles away although she lived near to my parents until recently when she moved to live near her daughter.

@redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 that's not fair. I adore my family and currently live very close to them. But I have moved away from home (100s of miles) for work/my own family choices.

In the other hand I know a few Drs, lawyers, and a head teacher who live and work in the town they were raised in.

We moved to the other side of the world and they (and later my brother) followed us. They lived around the corner from us, then we sold our house and bought another house, still around the corner from them (moved from right side of their house to left side). My brother lives only a 5 minute drive away too.

We love it, especially as we found it isolating being 20,000 miles from family. One of the reasons they followed us overseas was because they wanted to be actively involved in our (at the time, future) children’s lives. Our kids love being so close to my parents - they have a beautiful relationship and even each have their own bedroom at my parents house. In fact, they’d probably prefer to live with my parents! My parents are a fantastic help with the kids and in general and having them close means we can also help them, especially as they age.

And no, it hasn’t stopped our career prospects.

Some jobs can only be done in the major financial centres of the world. These cities employ millions of people from all over who have moved from their home towns, often from their home countries. It is not particularly unusual. It would not cross my mind my colleagues do not care for their family. Having extended family farther away is quite nice as you can stay with them for a few weeks over the summer or holidays in a different location and vice versa. Adds to the richness of life experiences.