to ask if you live near your parents?

[Denira]

I live 190 miles from my parents. I have a 7 week old DS and am struggling with the fact that my mum and Dad are missing out on so much. It makes me really sad that they only see him once every few weeks. I miss them so much and envy people who have their mum round the corner.

I work in a specific field in law enforcement and have a DSD who lives down the road from us, so no chance of moving closer to my parents.

Does anyone else find them self in a similar situation? Can anyone reassure me that this is common and that it'll all be fine?

Feeling deeply sad about it...

Thousands if miles away and I would not have it any other way.
I really don't like seeing them all the time. Nightmare.

We used to live 40 mins away from both sets of parents, but they moved when they retired - mine 100 miles in one direction, his 100 miles in the other direction! (You're making me wonder if it was something we said )

To be fair, his mum was moving to be near her daughter.

My parents family all lived in the same town. I however live 100s miles away and have moved to several different places. I know people who still live in their home town.

This threads always get me down a bit. Most people and it’s my experience in RL have grandparents as support if they are near.
Well my family and parents live quite near but for some bizarre reason never, ever give any support. They are totally normal people but apart from the many nice text messages they don’t really bother. Even in emergencies I don’t get any help. We lived abroad when I had my first dc and it has honestly made absolutely no difference in terms of support moving home. I helped my family pre- kids with babysitting etc 🤷‍♀️
I see them maybe 3/4 times a year and it’s a quick coffee, pat on my dcs head and out the door.... I try not to be but feel so jealous if those with family support.

I moved to the other end of the UK and then other side of world and back again to get away from my family. At times, since having the DC I have regretted it and then their actions past or present remind me of why I moved away in the first place. I do get very sad though, I wish I had had a family I had wanted to stick around for. I really hope my own kids don't feel the same way about me when they are older.

My father has never met his grandchildren because he disappeared from my life when I was a child.

My mother currently doesn't see them either because a) she moved to another country that is not only a flight away, but then requires car hire, car seat hire and a 4 hour drive, except I don't drive so it's longer by public transport unless my husband comes.

But wait, I forget. She disowned me. After me telling her I have complex PTSD from years of abuse in my childhood. She was the abuser.

Even when she did visit, I NEVER left her alone in private with my babies. She could only be alone in a public place.

And I could not have worked in the UK in what I studied first, without either becoming a university lecturer in it (didn't want to), or moving to London.

My spouse is from abroad and his parents live 10 hours away. His job is related to the sea and he comes from a landlocked place. Impossible to do it in any form without moving far away from where he grew up. Some careers require moving far away. His parents aren't happy, but on the other hand, they do enjoy their freedom and not being used as unpaid babysitters frequently. They've said that. They enjoy spending extended time with each set of GC then having their freedom again.

Everybody is different. But in my book, if you have parents who love you, wherever you are, wherever they are, who aren't a threat to your children, you are lucky. I'm not in a competition to be the most disadvantaged, but truly, most of you have something I cannot even imagine. And it makes me sad sometimes. Our "toxic" relationship isn't a choice, it was what I was born into.

That sound really rubbish Bahumwinterbugs.

I live with my mum but my dad lives 175 miles away with his wife and my lil brothers and sisters. FIL lives near my dad so we can kill 2 birds with one stone and visit them both in one trip 😊

We live close to my parents and my in laws. My parents by design, inlaws by default
We see my mum most days, she helps with childcare etc, and my kids are very close to my parents.
In laws live about 10 min drive and we see them about twice a year. They don’t like me and are far too busy with BIL and his child (they do childcare for him every day) to bother with us. Living close doesn’t mean a close relationship, my kids hate going to DHs parents house and have no relationship with them at all.

I only realised how close many adults live to their parents when I had my own DC.

Up until that point, the majority of my colleagues and friends were people who had moved away from home and from parents.

When my DC started primary school I soon realised that many children had grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins living very close by. Each generation had attended the school and they lived only streets away from each other as adults.
It felt like we had become part of a very closed community.

Secondary school has been a huge relief. DCs have met people from all different backgrounds, locations, nationalities.

Many people feel comfortable in their own bubble and that's fine. Not for me though.

My situation is different as I was bullied at school and didn't want to settle down in the same area and have to see those people when my children started school for example.

I live 200 miles away but growing up none of my extended family lived nearby so this was normal to me. We facetime and visit when we can. For me the main bonus has been being able to go to baby groups and classes which I wouldn't have felt able to do in my home town.

I live 2 miles from my mum, would never want to live any further away.

I went away for uni and then moved home when i bought my flat. I made it very clear to my partner whrn we met that i would always want to live in this town, which luckily he is happy with and we boughtour house here.

I live less than 15 mins drive from my dad. FIL lives an 8 hour plane journey away. I've seen FIL more this year than my own dad sadly.

We have lived in different countries since I was 18, and I would love to be nearer them, especially since having had my children.
And I would like being nearer my PILs also, for the record.

I've always lived by my parents, as do my siblings (apart from one who lives abroad).

I found, whilst I was working, before I had DC, I didn't even think about how often I saw them, I was busy with a full time job and a hectic social life. When my firstborn came along, even though DH would be home after work, I was pretty lonely - you don't get much stimulating conversation from a newborn. This is when living close to family really helped, it was a shock to the system, after working with grown ups all my adult life.

My point is, you have a 7 week old, if you are ever going to feel what you're feeling, it's going to be now and is totally normal.

I have one family member, with 3 young children, who lives within walking distance to us all, but we rarely see her, no issues, no fall out - she simply does not need as much contact as her cousins do.

For 10 years I lived a 24 hour flight away, then we moved home 3 months ago. Still about 40 mins from my DP but so much closer!

I think Red is projecting and hoping her adult dc don't move away 😂

And having moved back to the area where I grew up I can confirm that those that stayed aren't on more money than me or 10 years more into their mortgage than me. London was very good to us.

I live about 800 miles from my parents I think - in a different country. It's totally fine, I'd hate to live in their pockets and have a codependent relationship like one of my siblings does. It would increase not decrease my stress levels. Plus I never wanted to stay in the place I grew up - I knew that from age 11 (I remember starting to plan...)

The only annoying thing is other people assuming that you have access to grandparent childcare if it's the norm in your area. Sometimes I wish I still lived in Surrey where everyone was in the same boat and it was very unusual to have extended family locally. I live rurally now and almost everyone has grandparents and aunts on the same road - I don't want it but people just assume everyone has that. It matters less now the kids are older and happy home alone for a bit, but when they were all little the assumption that everyone had family babysitting on tap was stressful sometimes. Once people know I'd left my parents they tend to let off steam to me about all the stresses and irritations of having their parents or in-laws within meddling / criticising/ interfering / judging etc. distance though

I've always had a great relationship with my parents, but we spent a decade living on different continents and then another 7 years or so back in the UK but living at least 150 miles away. My own parents lived hundreds of miles from their parents, so it didn't seem strange at all. My DSis and I were brought up to believe that the world was our oyster, and that we should make the very most of it, so we did.

I currently live around 200 miles from where I grew up, but happily, my parents moved across the country to be near us a few years ago, and we now live a 15-minute walk away. It's lovely that they have such a fantastic relationship with my dd, and I'm grateful for that. I do like having them nearby, but I'm also glad that I have moved around and lived in different places.

When dd gets older, I fully anticipate that she will want to move away. Who knows, perhaps DH and I will follow her, just as my mum and dad followed us!

I do now but I am 60 & my parents are late 80s so it is good to have them just half an hour away as they are getting frailer.

But I lived away from them when I got married & had my child so they were never that close when I was bringing up my DS. My siblings also moved away. We live in a very ‘small town community ’ and I genuinely hope my DS moves away, to experience other options and opportunities. I do find that people who stay (where we live) tend to have very insular views of the world and have had limited experiences. And everyone seems to know everyone which is nice in some ways but people are incredibly narrow minded. I do appreciate not all small towns are like this.
I’ve loved moving around the country & spending some time overseas, I have a huge circle of friends and hope to move again but will probably stay here near my parents for the foreseeable future.

Three miles away from my parents and under a mile away from IL's.
Their help is invaluable to us and our family.

258 miles from family because my DH works in a specific law enforcement so ver similar. 3 DCs aged 6,4,1 we manage ok most of the time we're struggling at the moment as baby boy is prone to bronchialitis so in and out of hospital alot. We're heading up north to spend all of Christmas week with the family. My mum has bought a narrow boat so she can visit us more often and stay on that as she needs her own space, so we see more of her these days a my dad has recently moved to London so he's only 1 1/2 hours away now so that's nice we now see each other every other weekish you never know what is round the corner. I'm not going to lie it's hard it was horrible for me this Easter when I was alone as DH working he'd left them an Easter egg hunt for the morning I got up did it with them took them out where people had painted eggs to hunt for them and cooked a nice dinner but when we saw our neighbours going out with both parents to their grandparents both my dad's turned around and said its boring we never get to go grandma's and I'd tried so hard!!! But at the same time I get alot of special times just our little family and don't have to share them.

We moved about 10 miles from our families when we got married because we simply could not afford to live in the area we grew up in. Now two of my children have moved "out" for the same reason. Its not a unique situation round here.

I live on the same street as my mum this is by design.

The layout of the road is such that she’s actually around the corner but I can see in to her kitchen from one of the bedrooms upstairs

We love it (yes, including my DH!). She helps us with the school runs and cooks my DH lovely dinners when I’m away with work. My DC are forever back and forth and it saves me getting a taxi when we’ve had a couple of wines.

She also loves having us around the corner. We don’t live in each other’s pockets and we can go days without seeing each other (we FaceTime instead!)

I'm in the exact same position. I live 3 hours from my Mum and moved because my partner already has a daughter. I am 32 weeks pregnant and already upset that my family will miss so much. My Mum is like my best friend and it breaks my heart every time she has to leave so it will be worse once she has to leave me and the baby.
It's all made worse by the fact the DSD's mother won't allow her to ours because she has severe overprotection issues so being here seems so pointless sometimes.

Just to say to the OP, having parents who live nearby isn't any guarantee that they will be at all "hands on", or on the flip side that they won't be overly involved which brings another set of issues.