to ask if you live near your parents?

[Denira]

I live 190 miles from my parents. I have a 7 week old DS and am struggling with the fact that my mum and Dad are missing out on so much. It makes me really sad that they only see him once every few weeks. I miss them so much and envy people who have their mum round the corner.

I work in a specific field in law enforcement and have a DSD who lives down the road from us, so no chance of moving closer to my parents.

Does anyone else find them self in a similar situation? Can anyone reassure me that this is common and that it'll all be fine?

Feeling deeply sad about it...

I went 50 miles away to uni, fell in love and long term, settled close to that area with DH who was already established in a niche job and a homeowner. Property prices here are great value compared to my home town which is a bubble of home counties league prices. I have school friends around the area, but none have been able to afford to live on the doorsteps of their parents houses. "DM" is older so was past looking after grandchildren by the time I had them, and can't drive as far as me anyway. I find her technology refusal more isolating than actual distance.

Mother moved 200 miles away due to DSF's job. It wasn't a particularly close relationship anyway, and is of the generation screwed by women's pension age changes so still has to work F/T.

MiL is in another country. DH moved here for uni then settled for employment opportunities. His DB is 50 miles away.

We knew the score when we had kids, and being realistic, living close to GPs would have little practical benefit for childcare due to their ages. We have mutual support with local friends.

It does suprise me how many people do have local, sprightly, freshly retired relatives around. I think a reasonably priced town helps. Our parents were the wrong age group when we were born to make that viable.

Until I was 10, we lived on a different continent to the rest of my parents' family, my dad's siblings lived all over Europe, as did my mum's brother. I've not lived on the same continent as my brother since 1985!

I currently live about 1.5hrs' drive from my parents, and about 3hrs from DP's parents. Initially we met when working in London, and once we decided to have a family, we moved out to an area I'd always wanted to live in. Doing so was the death knell to my career in a very specialised industry (thankfully I eventually managed to get into sub-sector of it again now, but this took 10 years).

I wouldn't really want to live any closer, I have a great relationship with my parents, but it's not my "norm" to live close to family. I live in a village now where there are a lot of families with family support, but plenty in a similar situation to me. Anecdotally, those I've come across who are more upwardly mobile have been so by travelling for work.

We are about an hour and a half drive from my parents, and it was the same distance to DH’s parents.

His parents moved into the same town as us earlier this year and I must admit I’m a bit envious silly at my age but I wish my parents were that close.

My parents are a couple of hundred miles away, see them a handful of times a year.

FIL died two years ago and MIL moved down the road from us. They were an hour or so away before. I am still getting used to it!

I live round the corner from my parents. I wasn't really intending to be so close but it's just that property is comparatively cheap here. Although my parents are early 70s so not able to do loads of childcare etc, since having DD it has still been really helpful to have them close by to give me the odd break and it's great for her to see them a lot

Would your parents move?

I specifically moved to be 5 mins away from my mother before DS was born. Best decision I ever made. My siblings live within close proximity too.

We live a couple of hours north of my family and the same south of DH
I moved here initially for uni, only a handful of unis where I could study. Then met DH, neither of us wanted to be further away from our family so stayed in the middle.

It is very , very common. You need to cut the apron strings a bit. You cant have mummy and daddy still holding your hand, you have a child of your own now and you will find your way and be fine.

redandyellow, you sound like you have a serious chip on your shoulder about you and your dh living close to family. That is great but not feasible for many people to not only marry someone in their hometown and then find decent jobs and stay close to their extended families. It is part of growing up and independence to strike out and find opportunities further afield.

Life is not black and white binary. It is possible to have a great career both living close to and away from parents at different times in your life and still be close to them emotionally if it is not possible physically. Technology is a great enabler. People also take holidays and visit and be spoiled so parents/grandparents are seen in rose tinted glasses rather than the mundane reality of living in each other's pockets. No one way is right.

However, I believe that anything I say will just be twisted around by you and words and thoughts attributed to and projected onto me by thousands of imagined slights you purportedly experienced that I never even said. I wish you all the best and much peace in your choices.

I'm close friends with hardly anyone who lives close to their family -- most of us (DH and I included) aren't even in the same country.

Out of our immediate 'circle' now a rather scattered one! one couple is French/American and lives in London, one Brazilian/Indian and has lived in Switzerland, Brazil and Lisbon, one Portugese/English and lives in Russia after a stint in India, one Zimbabwean/South African and has lived in the UK and Ireland, one Northern Irish/Glaswegian and lives in Brighton, American and lives in Ireland, Northern Irish/Bristolian and lives in Norfolk, French/Italian and lives in Switzerland, German/Canadian and has lived in Italy, Germany and the UK.

DH and I are from the same (non-UK) city but have not lived in our home country for over 20 years. We've lived in several countries and our son was born in London -- we live in rural England at the moment, but are pondering our next move.

To be honest, I privately find it weird that people stick so close to home, and wonder whether it never even occurs to them that there's a whole world out there, but obviously, I don't share this thought. I agree with previous posters, though, that there's an odd attitude among English people to emigrating (that it's selfish or a weird decision) that you don't get at all among other cultures where emigration and living longterm in several other places is entirely normal.

The idea that you only emigrate because you hate your parents does actually suggest that that particular poster should get out more.

We are a military family, and are a trek away from family.
My dad works close to me sometimes so will pop by if he’s in the area, but other than that we go months without seeing them.
My DH is also prone to disappearing for a few months at a time (hazard of the trade), so it’s just me and the DCs (2&3) most of the time

I moved away to the other end of the country for uni and a couple of years after but then moved back home after I'd been traveling around the world and was skint. I met my husband at uni but we are from the same town. We contemplated moving away again in our 20s but it made more sense to stay near family for when we had children.

My uni friends took the mick out of us for returning to our small home town. We're having the last laugh, our friends live hours away from family and spend thousands on nursery fees, we have free childcare and people falling over themselves to babysit! Both our entire immediate family live less than 10min drive away, it's great.

Walking distance of both lots

One we see lots, the other only when they want something

Just because you see someone loads doesn't mean you have a 'great relationship', you only have to read MN to know that! I have no desire to live round the corner from my family (and no I don't hate them) Takes about 4 hours to get to my mum's and 3 hours to get to my dad's which I don't think is crazy far. I don't know many people who live right by their family TBH, most people have moved for uni/relationships/work/other reasons.

Sorry I should have said my post was in response to the PP who said if you move far you must hate your family!