I think my in laws are going to trump us...

[coffeeneeded]

It's the first Christmas of awareness for my twins. They are very excited.

I have bought them things that I know they want and will love. I have put a lot of thought into these things.

I sent a list of other things they need to the in laws (they asked for a list). They have announced that they have got some of the items on my list but they have also got other things which they know the kids want. I am 90% certain they have got them the things I have got them- and probably spent more money on them as well...

We are going to the in laws for Christmas.

How do I handle this? AIBU to be utterly pissed off?

Make sure your presents are unwrapped first. And if there are doubles of the presents then suggest that they’re kept at the in-laws?

Unless you told your in laws what you were buying, I think yabu.

Ask them what they have gotten so as not to duplicate. If they refuse and have duplicated either leave to play at their house or ask for receipts to exchange.

I know this is difficult to do, and I speak from experience of having my own gifts trumped but you really are best off to just smile outwardly and let your children have a great day unwrapping presents and playing with them, even if they are duplicates. You won’t get as much for them because they have been opened, but you can sell your PIL’s gifts afterwards.

Keep the seething inwards and I hope you all have a lovely day.

Make sure your presents are opened first.

Your children won't care who bought them.

It's about the children. It's about the children. It's about the children.

Repeat it often enough and you might believe it.

YABU - the grandparents asked for a list and also thought up some things your DC would like. Bastards.

I would ask them what they've bought. I'd also not let the kids play with them or try and negotiate a return or exchange before Christmas. I'm sorry - I just think it's wasteful to have two of everything.

Jeepers that is bang out of order. I would say you keep them at your house as well.

But surely Santa bought them ALL he is clearly getting old and forgetful to get two of the same thing, but good news DTwins you have one at home and grandmas now, well done Santa 🎅

Why doesn't your husband just ask them?

I'd just be glad I didn't have to buy them.

What exactly are you annoyed or concerned about here?

Either you, or your DH, should ask them what the other things are. Say it's to ensure no duplicates. And if they have bought duplicates, laugh breezily and exclaim about what a good thing it is that you asked while they have time to change them. Then suggest some other things they could swap them for.

Why don't you just talk to each other? You know, mail them or ring them and say "we have bought x, y and z so make sure you don't buy the same?

Why didn't you ask them what they got? A simple "Oh that's very generous of you, thank you, can I ask what? We definitely don't want duplicates of any santa or mammy/daddy presents"

Your partner asks what they've got and tells them that they can't trump Santa. Very bad form if they do.

Just ask what they’ve got so you can check you’ve not got the same things. Otherwise you have another week of wondering/stressing.

I hate having to give lists as then it feels like I’m choosing all of my DCs presents and people aren’t putting the effort in. But also when my eldest turned 2 my in laws bought him the exact same thing that they knew we’d bought and I was annoyed, I’d have saved my money rather than have to send it to be played with rarely at my parents. Annoying.

It doesn't sound like they've done it on purpose - do you have any reason to believe they won't be reasonable if you just ask them?

GreatDuck it would appear that they have bought duplicates, so it hasn't saved OP from buying them

They open yours first.. And leave the duplicates at the ils.

Yep, get the DC to open your presents first, maybe at home before you leave if that’s possible.

And if the same things are bought - oh how lovely, you can play with that when we come to grandma’s, with a bright smile.

But I don't understand how that trumps the OP? It's just a waste of their money.

Just talk to them OP.

YABVU to be utterly pissed off. Lots of children get nothing at Christmas. Your children won’t care who the presents are from. Just ask what the in-laws have got them to see if they have got the same, then one of you can change the gift if necessary.

You sound so ungrateful.

Unless they have form for this, maybe you or your DH should talk to them and just double check you haven't accidentally bought the same things.

I feel your rage if it is deliberate though, MIL used to try to constantly get in first, buying DS a bike etc when she knew we were getting one.
The bike was the last straw actually, my DH was furious at that because he wanted to choose the first bike for his only child, he went mental at her!