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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think my in laws are going to trump us...

79 replies

coffeeneeded · 17/12/2018 22:24

It's the first Christmas of awareness for my twins. They are very excited.

I have bought them things that I know they want and will love. I have put a lot of thought into these things.

I sent a list of other things they need to the in laws (they asked for a list). They have announced that they have got some of the items on my list but they have also got other things which they know the kids want. I am 90% certain they have got them the things I have got them- and probably spent more money on them as well...

We are going to the in laws for Christmas.

How do I handle this? AIBU to be utterly pissed off?

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 17/12/2018 22:56

Why are you so sure they will have bought the same things ?

If they have though, I would just say to your DC 'Santa has bought you two so that you can keep one at granny's house to play with when you visit', and leave them there.

elephantoverthehill · 17/12/2018 22:58

Open the Dcs bank accounts and ask ILs to buy token presents but put the dosh away in the accounts for their futures. No one needs loads of toys. Gosh I'm getting old and grumpy.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 17/12/2018 23:01

They can't trump you because you will always be the twins' mother. Nothing they do can change that.

AngelsOnHigh · 17/12/2018 23:04

Ask what they have bought. If it's the same, take yours back and get a refund or change for something else. Simple.

JustABetterPlayer · 17/12/2018 23:05

Unless your twins happen to be able to look up items online, and be able to do basic math I don’t think you need to worry. On top of that most kids have zero clue where the presents come from other than ‘Father Christmas’.

This is assuming your kids are young and I’m not missing something

Gth1234 · 17/12/2018 23:05

don't worry about it. Santa brings everything anyway. If your presents are duplicated, take them back and get something else.

StoppinBy · 17/12/2018 23:05

Handle it by knowing they love your children.

I have to admit that I have had a rocky relationship with my inlaws since we had kids but I know without a doubt they love my kids and that it is such a special relationship that should be maintained where possible.

We actually buy very little for our children for Christmas and Birthdays - one of the reasons is that we feel there is no need to spend a lot and the other is that we know they will be spoiled by the rest of our close family.

Allow your children to enjoy the occasional spoiling by joining in with the fun instead of getting cranky, it's not a competition.

Lazypuppy · 17/12/2018 23:06

Just ask what they have got, and if its the same say 'oh no, we've already got them that, better go swap it!"

Sorted

StoppinBy · 17/12/2018 23:07

Also just check first if the bought the same things - if they have, get them to take them back before Xmas, they are just excited and no doubt gone a bit overboard.

MaluCachu · 17/12/2018 23:12

Can you not all communicate and agree on who’s buying what?

fabulous01 · 17/12/2018 23:16

My inlaaws do the same and I ask them and give them a list
Such a waste. The deep breathing helps
Good luck.

Xmasbaby11 · 17/12/2018 23:22

I don't see the problem. The twins get lovely things they want. Or are you worried the presents are unsuitable?

It doesn't matter who gives them. I let my parents buy the dc the fun, most wanted presents if they want to! Why not, they want to make their gdc happy. I'm lucky my parents are generous.

Moussemoose · 18/12/2018 08:10

My in-laws by the kids fuck and then all. That's fuck all btw.

Sometimes you just have to count your blessings, or just count the amount of plastic tat littering your living room floor.

labazs · 18/12/2018 08:14

if you have twins surely they can have one each therefore no squabbles over what belongs to who or who is playing with a toy as they can each have the same

Poodles1980 · 18/12/2018 08:14

Keep your receipts and exchange any duplicates or have two sets, one at granny’s and one at home. Don’t make it into a deal and don’t ruin Christmas by flouncing about it. Your kids have grandparents who love them and that is brilliant. Chill out

CurbsideProphet · 18/12/2018 08:16

Have you / your DH told his family what you have bought?

ApolloandDaphne · 18/12/2018 08:17

Why on earth didn't you ask them what the other gifts were? Then you would have been able to ask them to return the duplicate gifts for other things.

OliviaStabler · 18/12/2018 08:20

Just talk to them. Don't let it grow into a drama you fall out over.

silkpyjamasallday · 18/12/2018 08:20

While I understand it's annoying to get duplicates (DD got three baby doll buggies for her birthday) I think it's nice that they have really thought about what to get for your DC. I love that both my parents and the in laws spoil DD with lots of lovely gifts, because it means we have to sort out less ourselves, and therefore take less home with us. Leaving things at grandparent houses is the key to a tidy home!

SoyDora · 18/12/2018 08:21

What are you actually basing this feeling on? Have they mentioned any of the things you’ve bought? Or are you just assuming, based on absolutely nothing?
Talk to them like adults.

RandomObject · 18/12/2018 08:21

You ABU to be pissed off and not just ask them what they have bought.

HOWEVER I would be slightly annoyed at them going off list - if they know the kids want something and it isn't on the list that you sent them, surely the logical conclusion is that their PARENTS are getting it for them?

headinhands · 18/12/2018 08:21

Jesus. They've bought something not on the list and you're already looking for a fight!? Concentrate on the fact that your in-laws love their grandchildren. Anything else is small minded and petty.

tryinganewname · 18/12/2018 08:22

My take is that as long as DD gets what she wants (or what I think she wants at 5 months old!) and is happy, then it doesn't matter who bought them.

BeanBagLady · 18/12/2018 08:22

“I have bought them things that I know they want and will love. I have put a lot of thought into these things.

I sent a list of other things they need to the in laws “

This is your fault for sending a list of things they ‘need’. Grandparents have indulgence and generosity built in. It is their job to soil their grandchildren. It is mean and competitive to think of ‘trumping’ each other over presents.

headinhands · 18/12/2018 08:22

Keep the seething inwards

Or save your seething for stuff that actually warrants that level of feeling.

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