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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this women is a cf

128 replies

sophisticatedsarcasm · 17/12/2018 18:11

I get the bus every morning at the same time, I’m usually Round the 4th /5th person to arrive. It’s usually the same people every day. I’ve been taking the bus at this time for the past 9 years. The last couple of months a lady who has her young daughter, maybe 4/5 years old has been using the same bus stop. Every morning she crosses the literally as the bus is coming across the road and always manages to squeeze on first even though the rest of us have been freezing our asses off for several minutes before her. I’m not even sure how she does it as the 3 older ladies that are there before me usually sally gunnell it to the bus.
This morning one of the guys blocked her so she couldn’t get on before everyone for the first time in months. The point is I usually let those with kids and pushchairs in front of me, but there’s just something about how she is a cf that rubs me the wrong way.

OP posts:
EwItsAHooman · 17/12/2018 20:59

The OP isn't being racist. Other posters (including myself) suggested that IN DEFENCE of the queue-jumper, she may not think it's rude behaviour if she's from another culture.

And then OP took it a step further by saying that perhaps ignorance is the norm in whichever country this woman is from.

Onecutefox · 17/12/2018 21:00

@Lettermethis, this is what I have understood as well. Don't understand why it was twisted towards being racist.

ScrantonTheElectricCity · 17/12/2018 21:01

She is being extremely rude - but if people have allowed her to do this for weeks then of course she thinks that she is entitled to behave this way. Am glad someone has finally put a stop to it - she only has to wait a couple of minutes from the sound of it, and it will teach her child manners. That whoever is there first, goes first, unless they decide to let others go first.

Weightsandmeasures · 17/12/2018 21:08

Onecutefox and Lettermethis, why do you suppose MN deleted the OP's offending post? It was very much out of order. I just went back to double check it and it has been deleted.

The OP could have called out this woman's behaviour without linking it to her nationality and then saying that iy is probably the norm for people of that nation to be ignorant.

Lettermethis · 17/12/2018 21:09

@EwItsAHooman (I interpreted) OP was saying that maybe in the queue-jumper's culture it's normal to be ignorant (as in, unmannered, according to normal British expectations).

OP could have worded it better but it's unfair to jump on and accuse her of being racist, that's an extremely awful accusation to casually fling about.

Weightsandmeasures · 17/12/2018 21:16

Newsflash Lettermethis, have you been following the Guardian series on casual racism in the UK?

It is precisely the casual way in which the OP said what she said that is causing problems for people day in day out.

Why should people not be called out on their racism whether intentional or not? What the OP said is out of order. Racism is not a victimless "crime". Poor OP? No poor the people, including probably the OP, who face casual racism day in day out and several times a day.

What she said was racist. It is not unfair on the the OP. It is unfair on the people who she chose to label as ignorant because on one person's behaviour. It is this sort of thinking (by the OP) that leads to unfair stereotyping and unconscious bias. The OP is no victim here.

No one likes to be called out on racist behaviour yet our society is riddled with casual racism. So who's committing all the casual racism? The birds?

Onecutefox · 17/12/2018 21:18

I think there was a bit of stereotyping rather than racism although both terms are negative.

EwItsAHooman · 17/12/2018 21:22

it's unfair to jump on and accuse her of being racist, that's an extremely awful accusation to casually fling about.

I make no apologies for pointing out that her racist remark was racist. She made a sweeping generalisation that in this woman's country it is the norm to be "ignorant", applying assumed negative behavioural characteristics to an entire nation based on the actions of one individual.

Weightsandmeasures · 17/12/2018 21:25

I don't think it was just stereotyping. In any case negative stereotyping is not altogether different from racism.

The OP so casually expressed this view that people from another nation were lesser an uncivilised because of the behaviour of one woman at a bus stop. Incredible!

When people are called out on their racist views they almost always play the victim and say they mis-spoke. The OP then went out to say it's impossible for her to be racist because she is Indian/Irish.

The true victims are those at the receiving end of all this mis-speaking and unintentional racism. Boy is there a lot of mis-speaking and unintentional racism in the UK. Leaves you wondering!

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 17/12/2018 21:30

Op has said she is not racist (being Indian/Irish/English I'm guessing she's had her fair share of racism) and explained she could have worded it better, so why keep on? This thread is about the cheeky cow pushing in on the bus, regardless of her nationality she is a CF.

Lettermethis · 17/12/2018 21:32

@Weightsandmeasures

Newsflash Hmm

I'm not saying casual racism is committed by robins and blue tits, I'm not painting the OP as a victim.

I'm saying that in my opinion her words were ill-chosen but revealed no sinister racist undertone. I think you've spent the thread carving a fight that isn't there, that's all.

But I entirely respect that you disagree and of course I agree our society could do with more than a thorough shake-off regarding negative bias and stereotyping.

Blackness78 · 17/12/2018 21:35

I don’t judge people on where they from

But then you said: And in answer to someone’s question she is foreign, not sure where from so maybe in her country it’s the norm to be ignorant

So you are judging her by saying foreign people are ignorant.

It doesn't matter that your intertwined ethnicity looks like United Colours of Benetton, either..you can still be racist. Hmm

Would you have said the same thing if it was an 'English' person. No, you would have probably just thought they were rude, and moved on..

Weightsandmeasures · 17/12/2018 21:40

I'm not carving out a fight that's not there. The OP said what she said. It was racist thing to say. I did not make her say it. Stop deflecting this unto others. I'm calling out OP's behaviour because people too often make excuses for this as you are doing. This is not about me carving out any fight. I'm doing nothing wrong here. The OP did. Don't make this about me. I'll say foul to racist behaviour whenever I can and as often as I can even if people like you think others should be silent and not fuss because fussing is carving out a fight.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 17/12/2018 21:45

Would you have said the same thing if it was an 'English' person. No, you would have probably just thought they were rude, and moved on..

Because if she were English she would have been rude but there's a chance that, because she is foreign, there is a reason for her CFery ie where she comes from it is the norm not to queue. That is not being racist 😒

Iamdanish · 17/12/2018 21:47

I'm not British, I don't follow British rules and regulations therefore I'm ignorant 😂.

Could I suggest you talk to her or get a life with real things to worry about.
Have a nice evening 😄

Lettermethis · 17/12/2018 21:55

OP was simply stating that maybe it wasn't the norm to queue for transport where the queue-jumper was from. Which is entirely true from my experience living in different countries.

It's not racist to acknowledge different cultures. I think she was acknowledging, rather than judging. But like I said, she certainly could have worded it better.

Isn't it more effective to encourage learning and assume thr best rather using the whip, seeing the worst?

Toseland · 17/12/2018 21:59

To those that ‘have never seen a queue’ - British people don’t necessarily need a physical queue, but there will still be a mental queue which is held in the minds of those waiting!

KittensAndChristmasCake · 17/12/2018 22:10

but there will still be a mental queue which is held in the minds of those waiting

Absolutely, even when waiting for the lift we must walk in, in the order that we were waiting. It's only fair 😂

Iamdanish · 17/12/2018 22:11

Toseland, I really found the mental queue amusing, but on second thought, we do that too, in small shops etc. 😊.

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 17/12/2018 22:48

You will always have people that nit pick at everything. I read a lot of threads and see the same people that nitpick just because they can and maybe that thier lives ain’t interesting enough they have to come on here and belittle and start arguments just to get a little pleasure in thier lives. I’m not a racist regardless of the 5 people that say I am, think what you want, I asked a simple question and now the thread has turned into a war on the views of racism.

  1. I’ve already mentioned I should have worded it better.
  2. There are ignorant people in every country
  3. It probably is a non issue, but I’ve raised it and why comment If it’s such a ‘non issue’?
  4. What happened to common courtesy I’m sorry but my generation (30) always get ridiculed for our apparent rudeness, but when I’ve raised a matter of lack of common courtesy apparently I’m the one out of order. Some of the older generation are just as bad in terms of respect. What ever happened to respect.... seems to have gone out of the windows nowadays and you get called racist for pointing out ignorance.
I did mention I’m the one who just lets everyone else on and gets on the bus last. I sleep well at night knowing I’m a kind polite person, I resp3ct people even if I don’t get respected myself, I have a job, family, friends, My life may not be perfect but it is what I make it. I don’t care about some low life cowards online.... least of my concerns. I’m just here laughing with my Muslim best friend, she saw someone called me a racist and thought it was the funniest thing she’s ever read.... so crack on....😊😊
OP posts:
ferrier · 17/12/2018 23:05

I Do hope there's a section in the British citizenship test to cover queuing because, yes... it is an expectation that you board a bus in the order you arrived even if an obvious queue hasn't formed. Everyone should know this. And yes, I am being serious.

Joinourclub · 17/12/2018 23:34

What I’ve realised from this thread is that I really hate the use of ‘ignorant‘ as an insult!

Whyareallthegoodnamesgone · 18/12/2018 02:23

Lol OP you are sounding super racist and the more you try to defend yourself the deeper the hole you are digging 😂

Cherries101 · 18/12/2018 02:36

Not sure what parts of Europe all these fake Europeans mean — I have travelled extensively across Europe and queuing for public transport is universal.

HopeHopity · 18/12/2018 08:02

@Whyareallthegoodnamesgone so true
I’m just here laughing with my Muslim best friend, she saw someone called me a racist and thought it was the funniest thing she’s ever read.

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