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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this women is a cf

128 replies

sophisticatedsarcasm · 17/12/2018 18:11

I get the bus every morning at the same time, I’m usually Round the 4th /5th person to arrive. It’s usually the same people every day. I’ve been taking the bus at this time for the past 9 years. The last couple of months a lady who has her young daughter, maybe 4/5 years old has been using the same bus stop. Every morning she crosses the literally as the bus is coming across the road and always manages to squeeze on first even though the rest of us have been freezing our asses off for several minutes before her. I’m not even sure how she does it as the 3 older ladies that are there before me usually sally gunnell it to the bus.
This morning one of the guys blocked her so she couldn’t get on before everyone for the first time in months. The point is I usually let those with kids and pushchairs in front of me, but there’s just something about how she is a cf that rubs me the wrong way.

OP posts:
HopeHopity · 17/12/2018 19:53

@sophisticatedsarcasm OP, the issue is that out of the 1000 reasons she is behaving like that, you chose to suggest that because she is foreign, that might be the reason.
You could have said because she is plain rude, because she is terrified of strangers, because nobody has told her otherwise, because she hates me, because she has a bet...
But it speaks a lot the fact that you assumed that this could be the reason.

HopeHopity · 17/12/2018 19:56

@sophisticatedsarcasm I am foreign. Actually, I am British as it says on my passport but hey, the first thing people ask me here is "where is your accent from?" / "where do you come from"

I personally wasn't offended by your comment because I am so used to people just seeing the foreign in me.

They assume all sorts.

It is a very lonely place to be.

I wish people saw beyond appearance and accents and judge people on their human behaviour

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 17/12/2018 20:00

@hopehoppity actually I didn’t first suggest it, someone else said that maybe she’s not British and that in other country’s they act like a mob, I merely pointed out it was ignorant behaviour. I’ll stand by I should have worded it better. That kind of behaviour in my book is ignorant and so I was just saying maybe it’s normal to act lik3 this in other country’s. Still can’t see how it’s racist.

OP posts:
Joinourclub · 17/12/2018 20:01

To be honest I only
Really understand queuing for busses when it’s so busy you might not get on. Otherwise I really don’t see the point. You’re all going to get on, the bus is going to leave at the same time so it’s no big deal who gets on first. I do queue, because others do, but I really couldn’t get upset if someone didn’t.

MrsJonSno · 17/12/2018 20:02

Why does it matter in which order people get onto a bus? I don’t queue for buses! I always let older people or those that look disabled or with little kids go on first but if I happen to be by the doors when the bus pulls up and nobody else seems to need to get on first then I just hop on; why would anyone’s try and remember the chronological orde in which each individual arrived at the bus stop?!?

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 17/12/2018 20:02

You could have said because she is plain rude, because she is terrified of strangers, because nobody has told her otherwise, because she hates me, because she has a bet...

She was rude, OP and others said it's probably because she is foreign (cultural differences etc) and where she is from they probably don't queue. Stating facts is not racist.

Weightsandmeasures · 17/12/2018 20:07

No Sophisticated you can't see how it is racist but if someone levelled such claims at the majority of Indians because of the behaviour of one Indian person, I'm sure you would see it as racist.

You not only called this one woman ignorant but you said it must be the norm that people from her country are ignorant. How can you not see the problem with this?

woodhill · 17/12/2018 20:08

Just say "do you mind" if she pushes in front of you or "there is a queue"

HopeHopity · 17/12/2018 20:09

@PickwickThePlockingDodo because she is foreign (cultural differences etc) and where she is from they probably don't queue.

And you can't see what is wrong with what you are saying??? It is a huge assumption to make!!!! "Oh, well she is probably from a lesser country where people don't understand civilised systems" that is how it comes across.

OP maybe I got it wrong, the message you posted was gone so just going from what others said.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/12/2018 20:11

If we were talking about anything other than queueing, I'd have total sympathy with someone fairly new to Britain, not immediately 'getting' our norms. But she's been here at least 4 months - how can she not have noticed? We queue everywhere, and it's hardly a secret British trait.
More likely that she doesn't see it as important and therefore hasn't adjusted her behaviour, which is pissing everyone else off. Unfortunately, another British trait is seething quietly until someone snaps.

Weightsandmeasures · 17/12/2018 20:14

OP do you suppose no British born or English person ever behaved or would ever behave like that woman? The only queue jumpers or rude people are foreigners?

I hope you will reflect on what you gave said and understand how harmful and unfair what you said is.

You insult the people of an entire country or nationality based on one person's behaviour and you suppose that the reason she queue jumped was because she is "foreign" ecen though there are plenty of British born people up and down this country who are rude and who queue-jump.

Rude people and queue jumpers exist regardless of nationality. It is not BECAUSE OF their nationality.

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 17/12/2018 20:15

In the whole scheme of things I just think the type of behaviour is ignorant, I know I’m not racist... I think there are ignorant people for various different things in every country and I know England is far from angelic, I work in retail so encounter many ignorant people on a daily basis.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 17/12/2018 20:17

I'm from one of those European places.
The idea that people should queue in order of arrival at the bus stop sounds rather strange to me

Do you walk to the front of a queue in a shop as well?

Weightsandmeasures · 17/12/2018 20:19

What you said was racist but hey racists generally don't admit they are. The way you so casually said what you did says it all.

Onecutefox · 17/12/2018 20:21

Oh, cheeky fucker, I see Grin

ThanksXmas Wink

Weightsandmeasures · 17/12/2018 20:21

Calling one person out on their behaviour is absolutely fine. Attributing her behaviour to her being from another country and then going even further by saying people from her country are generally ignorant is way out of line.

Bluntness100 · 17/12/2018 20:24

Can you really not understand why that's racist, and wanting a four year old to stand in the cold and wait for you to get on because you were there first is unpleasant?

Anyway, you were explaining ignorance to us,,,

Weihnacht · 17/12/2018 20:27

You're still not getting it OP. Your comment is racist and the logic you use when backing it up is poor and reflects badly on you.
Anyway back to your question. If there's a queue point it out to her. If she has a young child with her I'd generally let her on first though.
Maybe in her country people are more considerate to adults accompanying a child. Just a thought...

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 17/12/2018 20:29

She is a cf, children don’t out rank or get first dibs we all wait our turn.

Delatron · 17/12/2018 20:35

I’m just impressed that she times it to perfection and avoids standing in the cold with you lot!

It’s rude to push in and it would irk me. However, I guess you all get a seat?

kitkatsky · 17/12/2018 20:37

Hmm is it a case of you not getting on the bus/ having to wait ages for another if she pushes in and you don't get on? Otherwise if it's simply a case of having to wait in cold for an extra 2 minutes I think YAB a bit U cos really, even if you got on first you'd still have to wait for others to get on?

KittensAndChristmasCake · 17/12/2018 20:40

Maybe in her country people are more considerate to adults accompanying a child. Just a thought...

Well maybe if she went to the back of the queue people would be more inclined to let her go first. Pushing in is just going to get people's backs up and having a child makes no difference.

Onecutefox · 17/12/2018 20:50

The woman does sound a bit entitled but I wouldn't try to block her. I am embarrassed for that man.

Onecutefox · 17/12/2018 20:54

Many times I had to take a bus when traveling with children and very often people in front of me would ask me if we wanted to go ahead. How kind of them and I did it many times to the elderly or parents with smaller children but I would find anyone pushing in without queuing very rude.

Lettermethis · 17/12/2018 20:56

Oh my God the over reaction is getting a bit much. The OP isn't being racist. Other posters (including myself) suggested that IN DEFENCE of the queue-jumper, she may not think it's rude behaviour if she's from another culture.

Calm down, dears.

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