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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this women is a cf

128 replies

sophisticatedsarcasm · 17/12/2018 18:11

I get the bus every morning at the same time, I’m usually Round the 4th /5th person to arrive. It’s usually the same people every day. I’ve been taking the bus at this time for the past 9 years. The last couple of months a lady who has her young daughter, maybe 4/5 years old has been using the same bus stop. Every morning she crosses the literally as the bus is coming across the road and always manages to squeeze on first even though the rest of us have been freezing our asses off for several minutes before her. I’m not even sure how she does it as the 3 older ladies that are there before me usually sally gunnell it to the bus.
This morning one of the guys blocked her so she couldn’t get on before everyone for the first time in months. The point is I usually let those with kids and pushchairs in front of me, but there’s just something about how she is a cf that rubs me the wrong way.

OP posts:
Dodgepodge · 17/12/2018 18:41

@CrazyOldBagLady

Can you work out if she is British or not

Normally I'd be like whaaaaaa at this, but here it's a good point. I've lived abroad (Poland, Hungary, Croatia) and I can confirm queuing nicely is a VERY British thing.

The idea of getting on transport in the order you arrive is just not done - get your elbows out. But - especially in Poland, normally anyone elderly gets priority. But young kids trump elders.

Missingstreetlife · 17/12/2018 18:44

Doesn't really matter if there's room, really pissed off to be in a q and beaten to the last place or can't get a seat

HestiaParthenos · 17/12/2018 18:44

I'm sure you didn't mean be to a raging fucking racist there, did you...?

Not racist. I'm white, and where I live, people just don't queue at bus stops.
It's just cultural arrogance.

Just telling her that there is, in fact, a queue should solve the problem if she isn't being intentionally rude.

Does she take up seats when there's no seats available for pregnant and elderly women, too?
Because THAT is considered rude where I live, too.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/12/2018 18:44

Where does OP say the woman is brown and therefore couldn't be English? You can be white and foreign too, you know? Maybe OP heard her speak and can identify her as not English but cannot identify her accent.

StoneofDestiny · 17/12/2018 18:45

Do you really imagine good manners are only displayed by English people? Wow........English speaking or England born? Just so we are clear.

EwItsAHooman · 17/12/2018 18:46

Not sure how it’s racist

You suggested that ignorant behaviour is the norm in her country, applying a negative generalisation to an entire people based on where they are from.

I don’t judge people on where they from

Except you did when you said "maybe in her country it’s the norm to be ignorant".

our ideas of racism are obviously extrememly different

Obviously they are extremely different seeing as I think your comment was racist and you do not.

I’m Indian, Irish and English so no chance for me to be racist

In other words, "I'm not racist, but..."

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 17/12/2018 18:46

When I go out with DS who has ASd and dd 6 we always wait our turn I never expect to get on first just because my son has a disability or I have a young child. Both of them know as I’ve instilled it to them that you wait your turn and to let pushchairs or elderly on first .. that’s how I was taught and how I’ve taught mine, maybe it is a non issue as I’m usually last to get on but I was just asking if she’s being cheeky. 😊

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 17/12/2018 18:48

The idea that people should queue in order of arrival at the bus stop sounds rather strange to me

Really? It really is the living embodiment of the expression “ first come first served”. I’m not sure how many people necessarily adhere to it nowadays but everywhere really where there is a queue... post office, supermarket and bus stop is based on the premise that the first person to arrive is at the start of the queue.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 17/12/2018 18:49

@EwItsAHooman

Ignorant?

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 17/12/2018 18:49

Not understanding the culture of queuing does not make her ignorant.

Er...you possibly need to look up ignorance in a dictionary.

Midnight0 · 17/12/2018 18:51

People need to relax. I'm from one of those ignorant countries 😒. What difference does it make who gets on the bus first, if everyone gets a seat? If it was last 2 seats I would probably be a bit peed off, but otherwise do not see any reason why her getting on the bus before you makes any difference.

amusedbush · 17/12/2018 18:52

I hate this shit and good on the guy who stopped her shoving on first.

I used to get the same bus every day and there was a guy (around 40ish?) who must have given himself a hernia trying to get to the stop first. No matter what, he turned up red faced and sweating in suit, shoving on ahead of everyone in a manic attempt to get a seat. Seriously, the guy would have body checked an elderly person to get to the last seat. Fucking arsehole Hmm

HestiaParthenos · 17/12/2018 18:52

People queue in post offices and supermarkets here, too. Just not at bus stops.

Do you queue at trains, too?

I wonder how many people I accidentally offended ... I never saw an orderly queue, I recognize those, but if you just keep count in your head of who arrived first ...

MirandaGoshawk · 17/12/2018 18:52

But if she arrives just as the bus does, they will only be waiting as long as it takes the five people in front to get on the bus!

I would be smiling sweetly and saying "There's a queue" as I push in front of her, especially as you have the backing of the others.

A couple pushed in front of DP once at the checkout in Italy. Ha ha, he was SO angry!

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 17/12/2018 18:53

I just said maybe in her country it’s the norm to be ignorant, one I don’t know what country she’s from and two I never said everyone from that country was ignorant was just stating that maybe it’s normal for them to be ignorant, in reply to someone saying that if she’s not English that it’s not normal to wait. There are shitloads of ignorant British people, oh wait was that racist because I’m saying British people are ignorant....

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/12/2018 18:54

Midnight, it matters because it's perceived to be very rude by the majority of Brits. This may or may not matter to her, but most people want to get along well with people, so it's helpful to learn and respect the cultural norms.

HestiaParthenos · 17/12/2018 18:55

Instead of writing "in her country it's the norm to be ignorant" you could just have written "in her country, people don't form queues at bus stops", which is not the same as being ignorant.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 17/12/2018 18:55

Well, again somebody here from those other places.
You let everybody out and then you go in, busses have more than one door to enter, wheelchair users and people with pushchairs use the designated entrance directly at the places designed for them.
A blue sign says get up for people who need this place.
It works quite well.

abacucat · 17/12/2018 18:56

I am just amazed at the person who said they would always let any kid go in front of them to stop kids waiting in the cold. It is seconds.

NotTerfNorCis · 17/12/2018 18:57

I catch buses regularly. It's courteous to let other people on first for two reasons - they got there before you, or they're vulnerable in some way (disabled, elderly, got a pushchair etc). If there was someone at my bus stop who ran across the road and shoved everyone out the way every morning that would certainly wind me up and other people too. It wouldn't last long.

Queuing for trains isn't quite the same, but even there it's bad manners to shove in front of people.

Mayrhofen · 17/12/2018 18:58

No she is a CF, and in Britain we queue. why? Because it works here.

I hate queue jumpers, I have a great scowl and very sharp elbows that can swiftly move out at right angles to my body like wings to stop anyone passing. I can also tut very loudly to reinforce the point.

HopeHopity · 17/12/2018 19:00

@CrazyOldBagLady have you been to my hometown? 😳
Your description is too accurate

MsPavlichenko · 17/12/2018 19:00

Your etnicity/ and or skin colour don't mean you are incapable of holding racist attitudes in my opinion.

Weightsandmeasures · 17/12/2018 19:01

You're Indian so cannot be racist? Dear Lord! You were being racist and xenophobic. Just because you are Indian does not make you immune from prejudice or racism.

With regards to the man, what a gentleman (not)! A woman with a toddler, a bus with enough space for all and he behaves like. Yes, British people are very kind and civilised all because of a queuing system, the epitome of how not to be ignorant (apparently).

aconcertpianist · 17/12/2018 19:01

@sheworeblue velvet.

I thought 'ignorant' had two main meanings, although there may be secondary meanings.
The first means uneducated and the second can mean unmannerly.

Naturally, I don't know which definition the OP was referring to but was referencing the second. Of course, in this context, the first would be also be perfectly reasonable to use.

It would read like this:

'Just because this lady does not understand the culture of queuing does not make her uneducated or unmannerly.'

If this lady is unused to British culture, she is not thick or badly mannered. it simply means that she isn't used to it. Anything else has a whiff of racism about it: wouldn't you agree?

I do so hope that helps.