To be dreading spending time with the in laws at Christmas?!

[Forestpixie]

To be honest, I manage to largely avoid seeing them apart from a few times a year (they live 3 hours away!) but this year I’ve promised DP we can go to his parents this year as we’ve done the last 2 years with my family.

We’re travelling down Sunday afternoon and back early Boxing Day morning so we can have Boxing Day with mine.

I’m dreading it, I really don’t enjoy their company at all. His parents are on the whole pretty nice but his dad is very grumpy, doesn’t have any friends or socialise, just sits in his chair and moans, won’t entertain any games, or have a drink etc.

His mum I think tries to overcompensate for this by being a bit shrill and hysterical, but weirdly still no fun? Just talks incessantly about the price of a loaf of bread, that the corner shop on the high street is closing and other, not particularly engaging or interesting topics.

His DB is good fun and lovely but he’s in Singapore this year as he’s met a girl out there.

His sister, well, is a complete horror, looks at me like crap, doesn’t even say hello or if she does it’s begrudgingly. Expects the WHOLE day and evening to revolve entirely around her and her DC and god forbid if you change the subject after an hour or so to something other than her, or her DC then she’s really not happy and makes it known. PIL enable this and so does DP really so, really my whole Christmas is sat talking about her and her DC. Her husband I sense could be quite fun and interesting but if he dares speak to me, he gets a very sharp glance and thinks better of it.

I can’t even numb it with alcohol as whenever we have spent Christmas with them, I’ve brought along a couple of bottles of Prosecco, MIL has given everyone a glass on arrival and then puts them away somewhere and after the first goes ‘right, I’ll put the kettle on, who’s for a cuppa?’ And I know that my ration of one glass of alcohol has started!

Don’t get me wrong, I know people have it a lot worse, but I just don’t feel comfortable around them. I don’t have a lot in common if to talk about, I’m not particularly maternal so whilst I can take an interest in the kids for a couple of hours, it soon wears thin. Especially when they’re all anyone is allowed to talk about/ focus on.

They just do it so different to my family, we have adult conversation, games, a few drinks, laughs etc and selfishly I’d much rather do that. That’s not an option though as MIL already gets a face on if im not present at their family events so it’s not worth the fall out of not going.

Is anyone else dreading Christmas with Inlaws?

You have my sympathies, as one who spent decades' worth of Xmases with ex's rellies, with whom I had nothing in common and who clearly had zero interest in ex-DP or me--they only seemed to agree to get-togethers (which took place on the initiative of DP, not them) out of some residual sense of familial duty. I can only suggest: perfect the 'smile and nod' mannerisms, help out with practical tasks like loading dishwasher, etc, which will get you out of the 'orbit of horror' for a few minutes, and if you can get away with it, take a tablet, book, magazine, or laptop and surf/browse away while the rellies do whatever it is that they do. In future try to reduce these visits in length by a day.

Wine Box!! Genius!!!!

That really does sound awful. You’re a good soul for going!

Manage some time out space as advised so far. I would include going out for a short walk with your partner for a spot of sanity. Tell yourself it is just one day

OMG, the wine box is a genius idea! Do it!

I’ve had some interesting Christmases with my in laws. They don’t drink and are from a culture that doesn’t do Christmas, so although they themselves have Christmas, it’s always a bit lacking in terms of food and drink (which are the main draws of Christmas for me ) and not really that fun or special.

I get through it by bringing booze and helping myself do it.

Completely empathise with you. Luckily we're going to my DPs this year but last Christmas with my PILs was a fucking car crash an eyeopening experience.
Personally I would feign illness, grab a bottle of Prosecco, some nice chocs and a good book and only come down when absolutely necessary. Good luck

Just dont go to in laws or your parents - have chrustmas at home and do what you want.

l used to hate going to my in laws for Boxing Day.
My father in law would monopolise the tv wanting to watch things like Battle of the Bulge "l haven't seen it on this television" (?!), and bugger what anybody else wanted to watch! One year my brother in law was allegedly ill (hungover?) and spent the entire day lying on the sofa, which meant we had to sit perched on dining chairs in the living room.
Also, BIL and SIL were clearly the favourites, having been consulted on food, entertainment, etc, while we had no input at all.
l was glad when l started working shifts, including Christmas, if l wasn't rostered to work l'd volunteer so someone else could have the day off and l had a good excuse not to go!

"damn, the traffic sorry we are so late!"

For goodness sake, show some Christmas spirit, even if they don't. As someone has suggested, go for long walks with DCs if it gets too boring. However grumpy they may be, show them your cheerful self if only for your DCs and DH's sake.

Alchohol is NOT necessary at Christmas BTW. Be a grown up - eat chocolate instead.

I sort of empathise too. My DPs are kind and lovely people but (1) they don't drink (2) they don't do games - never have but are now getting a bit elderly and even less inclined to that kind of thing (3) my DM is prone to ranting loudly and crossly about pretty much everything and has political views that are the polar opposite of mine - and has no concept of keeping the chat light for Christmas Day. It's just all a bit wearing.

I can't deal with them when I'm remotely drunk (nor can I cook the dinner if I've had more than a glass of prosecco as am such a lightweight) so I make myself stay sober until they've gone - they only stay for Christmas afternoon and early evening. Then I feel a bit guilty about not having a better time with them because they are perfectly lovely in many ways. Families, eh?

The people saying take a good book etc, trust me id love to! But the last year we spent with them, I had the Kindle app on my iPhone and after a while started reading, SIL got a face on her, MIL sang through gritted teeth ‘Christmas is for FAMILY time, no phones, you’re always on that thing’ I explained I was just on my kindle app and she snorted ‘well reading a book is hardly social is it’ I swear to god I almost bit my tounge off trying not to say ‘but you don’t fucking TALK about anything or DO anything.’ I’m not lying when I say that they literally just sit in the living room and play with DC for like 10 hours straight. All that’s on the TV is nursery rhymes or Thomas the tank engine (DC young) I just find it so suffocating.

I do have ‘toilet breaks’ and go and lay on DPs old bed for 20 mins or so, call my mum or a friend etc.

It’s jusr so frustrating as MIL genuinely does think that they’re really fun and that I should almost be privaliged to be there, as does SIL I think. It takes a lot for me to refrain from screaming ‘you’re all so bloody boring and this isn’t how it should be.’ At them all. Even DP finds it enthralling. 😩

I’ll try and ask for another glass (or 2) of Prosecco, it’s just I then get looked at like I’m a raging alcoholic.

Funny though, that she never tries to ration the men’s drinks, oh no, they can drink what they like so DP gets merry! It’s just the ‘women’ who have to ration themselves and then drink tea

The thing is that you don't actually HAVE to go there! It sounds really miserable. You aren't even making them happy - they're just as miserable whether you're there or not.

We would take half a dozen bottles and dh would be under orders to jump up and say red or white darling? Mum where did you hide the drinks, I put them in the fridge to chill.

My parents are the same!
Whereas my ILs like a drink and plenty of kids and noise, the TV doesn't go on at all, my parent's will have one drink with a meal then sit down to watch TV with a cup of tea.
My dad is perpetually grumpy, kids can't make a noise or heaven forbid spill anything or drop crumbs.
Usually he puts himself to bed at around 9pm and we can all relax a bit.

Why go so early? Would you not just go Christmas Eve morning and come home on stephens day? You could also have invited the pil to yours for a couple of nights and leave the sil at home with her Dh/dc, thus avoiding her.

As regards the drink you are grown up enough to pour your own. I don't drink now but I wouldn't have sat down with tea over the years I was drinking.

'on Xmas day sherry was offered (bleugh!) and at lunchtime a bottle of room temperature Liebfraumilch was brought out. '

This makes me want to sob on your behalf

There's similar claustrophobia and mind numbing conversation at my in laws. I absolutely could not get through it without alcohol. Luckily, FIL enjoys a glass and is very generous with it, and we bring plenty of booze too which we have free access to at any time. I would be distraught if my lovely booze got 'put away' and I was expected to survive on tea for 3 days Definitely bring a secret supply OP, and keep it in your room

sounds miserable!
I agree with bringing the wine box and plonking it in the kitchen or better yet the living room where you can just help yourself as and when.

I would also fill past of my overnight bag with special treats - a box of your fav chocs / crisps etc and lot of small cans of G&T / Baileys etc so at least when you head up for an early night you have some treats to look forward to.

And minimise it to one night if you can

I would also recommend feeling "a cold starting to come on" as an excuse to disappear and lie with the duvet over your head, reading/texting friends!
I used to like using "I'm just popping out to get cigarettes/some cokes/feminine items" and disappearing for at least an hour pretending to look for a shop that was open, until they started parking my car in on the drive and then there would be a load of huffing and ranting playing musical cars whilst they reversed out so I could get my car off the drive. I don't know if anyone else has come across this? They had this strange complex about cramming cars onto the driveway rather than anyone parking on the big empty area of road outside and ex FIL would lift the net curtains and tut every time he saw a neighbour's guest parking along the large empty stretch of road... I am looking forward to spending this Christmas on my own!

Sounds like your average family Christmas! My ILs don’t particularly push the boat out (poor DH remembers the tree going up on Christmas Eve and down on Boxing Day as a child!), we get bizarre gifts (like a gift wrapped box of tissues!) and the alcohol is most definitely rationed (one NYE I was chided for asking DH for a second glass of wine to toast the new year, having made the first last four hours) but......they love our children, they are generous in other ways, and without being unkind they’re in their 80s and won’t be with us forever.

Now my ex SIL, who poisoned every Christmas with her eye rolling, huffing, stomping, complaining and generally miserable behaviour for 30 years before running off with an also married father of three .........we will literally be toasting her absence! She’s Barry the Boyfriend’s problem now .

Right, it's clear that we need a MN "Get Out Of In Laws" service. For just an uncancelled cheque, someone will call you to feign an emergency:

OPTION 1: Someone rings you just as you're about to leave, to say that the road has collapsed/is blocked with steamed badgers/has Boswell going up the steps and is impassable, so you would be better staying at home, they've been stuck in the dreadful traffic for hours etc.
OPTION 2: someone rings while you're there, and explains to anyone who answers that they are a friend in a dreadful yet unspecific situation that you must talk about, and then once the person has managed to leave the room, the MN service plays an audio book for you to sit and listen to

For an extra fee, MN ninjas can creep in and pass you supplies of contraband alcohol. Or chloroform for the ILs if you're really desperate.

I like Christmas with loads of booze and food and chocolates etc and good Christmas telly .... we're not allowed this at the ILs
Wine is carefully poured, being a woman I get less. My MIL os the miserable one - constantly muttering under her breath about ridiculous things - even got the rage on year when my little 8 month old baby cried just as we were serving up, insisting on putting it all back in the oven to dry up because 'I'm not serving til everyone is at the table' whilst DH flew off to give him milk as he was hungry (having not had fucking dinner because they insist on being so freakin timeline driven 'it's not about the children' in other words it's about YOU!

This year my BIL has changed his plans (as always) and screwed things up a bit but that's ok as we'll be there for a day before my DH goes back to work and I go to visit my friends and family who are 4 hours drive away .... nope! Apparently I'M ruining things because I won't stay longer and insist on visiting my friend (who is actually more of a family/parent to me than my own parents were) and I'm seeing my elderly grandad too who has just got out of hospital. Yet I'm being selfish and ruining things
I'm sick of the 'favourite son' always changing plans, which I'm not that bothered about but do get the hump when it's then my fault for ruining something because we don't fall in line with them - ffs!

'one NYE I was chided for asking DH for a second glass of wine to toast the new year, having made the first last four hours'

Laughed out loud at that! Dear god, you poor thing!

I hate to rub it in but DP and I are spending Christmas just the two of us for only the second time in 13 years, and I'm actually looking forward to Christmas for once.

Just don't go, go to your own parents and just make an excuse, like someone is unwell and needs you to help out.

'Who's for a cuppa?'
You - Hell no! It's Christmas. I'll have some more of that Prosecco I brought along thanks. I can sort it out - where is it? Anyone else want a top up while I'm at it?

Job done!