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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I don't need to plan my family around BIL's?!

128 replies

mistletoeandwine86 · 16/12/2018 21:04

DS has just turned 2. I am pregnant again with DC2 due in May. BIL and SIL are due with their first baby in Jan.

DH has just got back from seeing them today, DS and I were going to go to but DS has chickenpox. DH told me that him and BIL argued a little because they were/ are still a bit put out that I got pregnant again quite quickly after they announced SIL was pregnant.

We were actually already ttc for DC2 when they announced their pregnancy. I was certainly not going to just stop ttc just because they announced they were having a baby. I actually made a comment about how nice it will be that the babies/cousins a few weeks ago. It never occurred to me that it would be a problem or they would feel this way. Xmas Shock But apparently they waited until our DS was 1 before they started ttc!

So were we BU??

OP posts:
Theweasleytwins · 16/12/2018 22:59

On the way to my first scan for baby number 3 and find out dhs cousin is due her first 2 weeks after me. Lovely! Not close but she lives in the same town and seems niceSmile

I went to her baby shower Smile

In the end she had her ds the day after i had my dd. Luckily i didnt have a ds as we had chosen the same name as herBlush

Jamiefraserskilt · 16/12/2018 23:04

Yours overlaps with hers. Wow. Hold the front page.
...Along with hundreds of other women.
Ridiculous. You are due five months after her. Brace yourself for milestone Olympics!

numberseven · 16/12/2018 23:07

When we announced we were having a baby boy my MIL and FIL got all worried because golden child BIL "never had a firstborn son" and they didn't want him to be upset. BIL had five kids at that point, one of them a boy, but we should not have let anyone know our baby's sex because BIL's firstborn was "just a girllllll".

People are batshit.

BigBoringWedding · 16/12/2018 23:07

Good for them to focus on the negative and not the positive! If it was one of my SIL kicking off about it I would have an even dimmer view of them than I have now. Hopefully they will do what us Scots do - bury it deep and let it fester for years!

KnightlyMyMan · 16/12/2018 23:09

🤔 I’m so confused - I’ve heard of this happening and some people seem to think it’s a real ‘thing’ whilst others think it’s insane!

DP and I are getting married next summer- we intend TTC right away! SIL has been married for a few years (vague talk of babies in the near future).

I think they’ll wait until after our wedding (I don’t think they should- but I think they will) but It has crossed my mind that they may make an ‘announcement’ soon after. DP and I will be TTC and am concerned we could end up ‘announcing’ within weeks of each other 😲

It doesn’t bother me but I think it would bother SIL!

SnowyPaws5 · 16/12/2018 23:09

That is one of the most bonkers things I've heard. They're deluded and attention-seekers.

littlestrawby · 16/12/2018 23:13

I absolutely bet that they didn't actually purposefully wait until your DS was 1, they're just saying that to try and bolster their argument for why you are now BU Hmm

youcanthaveitchyteeth · 16/12/2018 23:20

Absolute nobbers they are - YANBU they are clearly living on another planet

agnurse · 16/12/2018 23:27

That's insane. How often you DTD and when you plan a family is NONE of anyone else's business. Limelight, my auntie. My sister and her husband couldn't attend our wedding in part because she was pregnant with their second. (They are in New Zealand; we are in Canada.) BIL and SIL couldn't attend because she gave birth to their first a few weeks before our wedding. No one threw a fit. My mum is one of 10 kids. In 1997 FIVE of her siblings had babies. We actually have two cousins who were born within 12 hours of each other! Again, no one threw a fit.

If they wanted your baby clothes, they should be aware that those were YOUR things, they weren't entitled to them, and it's not your job to provide for THEIR child. If you can't afford a baby, don't make one. End of.

This falls into the category of "so ridiculous I just can't even".

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/12/2018 23:36

It is madness, however I will confess to a slightly similar moment myself.

DHs brother and his wife struggled to conceive and went through many rounds of IVF and then had a beautiful much wished for baby. Dh and I were trying to conceive at around the same time as their last round or so (not that we'd shared that info with anyone). Anyway it took us nearly 4 years to conceive by which point BIL & SIL had a lovely toddler. When we visited MIL to let tell her our news, we found out that BIL & SIL were having another (also IVF) due a few weeks before ours would be due. I knew at the time and know now that I was ridiculous to be disappointed, but it did feel like the shine was taken off our news. However, neither couple knew the other's circumstance and neither child was any less welcomed or loved by anyone, so yes it was ridiculous but you can't sometimes help how you feel in the moment.

Best wishes for the coming arrivals.

Thetigerwhocameto · 16/12/2018 23:41

My brother and SIL announced their pregnancy at 12 weeks, we were 8 weeks pregnant. So when we hit 12 weeks we announced ours. SIL was annoyed to say the least but took solace in the fact they would be having the first grandchild. Our DC had different ideas and was born 7 weeks early, we had a 4 week hospital stay and she was released 2 days after DB and SIL took their baby home. I know she thinks our 'drama' overshadowed her big moment. Ah doesn't seem to realise how traumatic the time was for us and we would honestly have preferred them to have the oldest grandchild!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 17/12/2018 13:47

Tell them she shouldn't have got pregnant so shortly before you didHmm

5foot5 · 17/12/2018 13:51

Yes they are mad and you are right about it being nice to have cousins the same age.

My DSis and I got pregnant within months of each other (both by IVF.) She had triplets I had DD. While they were all young it was lovely to have them so close in age whenever we met up for a get-together. And DM was in second heaven having so many young GC all at once!

FlirtyRomanticToast · 17/12/2018 14:21

They'd love our family Grin In 2016 myself, SIL (my brother's wife) and my SIL2 (other brother's gf) all had a baby. Out of the four siblings only our 15 year old sister didn't have a baby that year.

puzzledlady · 17/12/2018 14:31

She’s an idiot.

YorkshireWelsh · 17/12/2018 22:00

My due date is 21st Jan. My SIL is due DC2 4 weeks later (her DC1, my DNephew will be 3 on 23rd Jan). Bless her my SIL kept quiet about their news for an extra few weeks as they knew we had been TTC and wanted us to have all the attention for a while....not that I was bothered, in fact it’s been lovely to have someone to compare pregnancy symptoms with, and it’s probably brought us closer! We live 4hrs apart and our WhatsApp chat has never been so busy!
MIL is in raptures, she lives to be Nannie and the thought of tripling her number of grandchildren in the space of about a month, even if one of them is some distance away, is basically the best news ever in her eyes!

Blueblueyellow · 17/12/2018 22:55

KnightlyMyMan It's real! Me and SIL had our first babies 6 weeks apart,SIL had her DC 6 weeks before me. I had another baby this year, SIL told me a few weeks after I had DC2 that she was pregnant and then said, "but we waited until you were near the end of your pregnancy to start trying for another, we didn't want to steal the limelight from you ". Hmm

fancynotplain · 18/12/2018 00:15

My SIL also seemed put out when I announced my pregnancy - that ‘I couldn’t just let her enjoy having the youngest baby in the family for once’. I had a late miscarriage and was hurt again by her comment that she had got used to the idea now and it was a shame her child would have no cousin after all. That was the extent of her sympathy at a devestating time in my life. I happily conceived again but having a son - the only boy with numerous girl cousins - was ‘typical me’ with an eye roll. Who knew conceiving children was some complex family one-upmanship. It’s just exhausting, even if you don’t engage with the madness.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2018 00:19

So did they notify you they were ttc so you could stop? What of thry hadn't fell pregnant for 5 years? What if you hadn't with DS? What if you'd fallen pregnant again when DS was sat6 months??

Crazy

EdgyMcNervous · 18/12/2018 00:32

goodness, I really had no idea this was a thing. What an eye-opener. We've had a big crop of babies in our family in the past few months, literally four in four months. I can barely remember what order they arrived in. As far as I know, no-one is bothered or feels their limelight has been stolen by the other family/mother/baby. But perhaps it's all gone totally over my head.

halfwitpicker · 18/12/2018 00:50

From what song sheet are they actually singing?

Who makes decisions based on uncontrollable factors like that?! Madness.

ShiningSally · 18/12/2018 02:27

Bil looked like he wanted to kill me when we announced our twin pregnancy to my dps family. He clearly hated it, he's always been an embittered twat!

helacells · 18/12/2018 02:38

What a couple of self centered twats. Don't worry, a few months of sleep deprivation will bring them back to earth!

Weezol · 18/12/2018 02:55

Apparently they are worried that it steals their limelight, they waited till our DS was 1 because they didn't want to steal ours!

I don’t believe that for one second.

mathanxiety · 18/12/2018 03:05

It's not performance art.

They are being deeply silly.