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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don't need to plan my family around BIL's?!

128 replies

mistletoeandwine86 · 16/12/2018 21:04

DS has just turned 2. I am pregnant again with DC2 due in May. BIL and SIL are due with their first baby in Jan.

DH has just got back from seeing them today, DS and I were going to go to but DS has chickenpox. DH told me that him and BIL argued a little because they were/ are still a bit put out that I got pregnant again quite quickly after they announced SIL was pregnant.

We were actually already ttc for DC2 when they announced their pregnancy. I was certainly not going to just stop ttc just because they announced they were having a baby. I actually made a comment about how nice it will be that the babies/cousins a few weeks ago. It never occurred to me that it would be a problem or they would feel this way. Xmas Shock But apparently they waited until our DS was 1 before they started ttc!

So were we BU??

OP posts:
Pythonesque · 16/12/2018 21:58

2 years give or take a few months is a rather common and practical age gap between siblings, isn't it? So by "waiting" till your child was a year to start trying they actually made overlapping pregnancies more likely not less likely, I would have thought!

mumsastudent · 16/12/2018 22:01

my sil 2 children were 9 months after my elder 2 - its a family joke! your sil is daft

ChristmasNC · 16/12/2018 22:02

We had the exact same thing when we found out we were having DD2 when SIL was pregnant with her DC1. Wasn't as bad as when she had a shit fit when she found out we were getting married 6 months before them (apparently they met first so we're entitled to get married first, despite wanting a 5 year engagement) or when she uninvited me from their wedding because i was pregnant with DD1!

People be crazy!!

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 16/12/2018 22:06

Ha! My SIL was incredibly pissed off with me that I was pregnant at the same time as her. I was just really happy for her that she was pregnant, but she 'had to tell me' she was annoyed because she felt it should all have been about her pregnancy, and that I'd taken that away from her. It has been lovely for the cousins though, they've grown up together, and are still pretty much best mates.

Your inlaws are utter batshit, OP. They'll probably be competitive parent bastards too.

Verbena87 · 16/12/2018 22:08

they are worried that it steals their limelight

They seem to think everything is all about them. One of the best bits of having a baby for me was the relief of not thinking about myself all the time/not being the centre of my own universe anymore. I feel much freer, and as if I’ve grown and become more comfortable in the world. Hopefully that’ll happen for them (and if not, they’ll realise that standing in the limelight when there is actual human shit leaked onto your clothes from yet another supposedly super-absorbent nappy and your tits go off like a firehose at the least whimper and you can only sit on one bum-cheek at a time because of your birth-weary bits and you can’t remember when you last washed your hair is not nearly as comfortable as having a nice quiet lie on the sofa, so either way, win win Wink)

WhoKnewBeefStew · 16/12/2018 22:09

Never ceases to amaze me the things people get annoyed at. We are talking about two human beings ffs. Yanbu OP, your SIL is tho

HolesinTheSoles · 16/12/2018 22:09

Wow I've never heard of this particular brand of madness. Is there a set amount of time after getting pregnant that you can expect to be the centre of attention? Is it just the nine months of pregnancy or do you get a bit of extra spotlight time after baby is born? The scheduling must be difficult if both prospective parents come from large families - imagine trying to schedule all of your births so none of your pregnancies overlap!

InSightMars · 16/12/2018 22:14

OP, I'd find this hard to believe if I hadn't experienced something very similar when I was pregnant with my second! Some people are that batshit. I had a close friend who also worked at the same place and she was gutted when I announced my second pregnancy just a few weeks after she announced her first.

I should have given her longer to enjoy the undivided attention and fuss from workmates and others in our social circle apparently according and she also complained that she didn't even know we were trying. It didn't help matters that I was due about 3 weeks after her but I went into labour a couple of weeks early and she went over her due date by a few days resulting in my baby actually being born the day before hers!

NotTired · 16/12/2018 22:15

How bloody silly! My DSIS is 3 years younger than me. Her DS was due a month after my baby, sadly I had a miscarriage. My DS is actually 3 months younger than DN. It's great, they are best friends, spend most days together and we share childcare. They are so different that we don't compare them at all. We'll probably end up having our DC2 at similar times. It's just the way life worked out.

Molakai · 16/12/2018 22:20

They're nuts but hopefully they'll get over themselves in time. Of course you don't alter your family plans because of other people's family plans.

polkadotpixie · 16/12/2018 22:21

My sister told me I can't have a second baby until she has her second because it's her turn first Hmm

She's going to have a nasty shock (all being well) as we plan to TTC again next summer and have no intention of waiting indefinitely until she's had another

I'm older than her and don't have time to waste so it's just tough shit really

SalmonLeBon · 16/12/2018 22:23

Utterly bonkers. We only ever intended to have one child, but this was not 'public knowledge', just between DH and I. My delightful SIL crowed about expecting her second pregnancy, and how lucky they were it had happened so quickly, made some snidey comments about what a shame it was we were struggling to conceive no. 2 (DS1 was rising 4 by this point, we were actively trying not to have a second). What she didn't know was that as she had hurried to tell everyone almost as soon as they had unprotected sex, was that I was very unexpectedly expecting no. 2, and was nearly 12 weeks already. She was raging that I got there first.

But this is a woman who thought my wedding would be a good day to announce that she and twat BIL were engaged.

thisonebreath · 16/12/2018 22:24

YANBU. It will be lovely for the cousins to be close in age. Me, SIL and my sister all had our first babies within weeks of each other and they get on beautifully - they're all now 10. And I loved spending my maternity leave with my sister.

Original poster
mistletoeandwine86 · 16/12/2018 22:30

OMG, i'm so happy to read these replies thank you.
They told us when they were about 8 weeks pregnant, and asked us when we were going to have another. We're not really in the habit of discussing personal plans like this so we just said we'd like another some day. But apparently we should have told them we were trying. Hmm

OP posts:
diddl · 16/12/2018 22:31

"But apparently they waited until our DS was 1 before they started ttc!"

Wut???

I thought that that was when a lot of people started ttc again-for a sibling-not a cousin!!

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 16/12/2018 22:34

I don't understand the limelight thing at all. When I was pregnant with my first (after 8 years of trying and several mc) I loved meeting up with other pregnant women because it meant that we could talk endlessly about baby stuff without boring anyone! Same with new babies, it was like being in a really lovely club. I would have hated to have had no one to share the experience with.

FruminousBandersnatch · 16/12/2018 22:38

"But apparently they waited until our DS was 1 before they started ttc!"

Stealing the limelight? It's a baby. Not Mariah Carey.

Ghanagirl · 16/12/2018 22:39

Misiltoeandwine
Some people are just incredibly self centred.
When I was expecting my two BIL said very loudly to his DD who was around 2,
“You won’t be grandparents favourite anymore as Auntie Ghana has decided to have twins*
Such rubbish:

ReflectentMonatomism · 16/12/2018 22:42

Most people have children because they want children; not because they want attention.

You only have to glance at Gransnet for a few minutes to see this isn't true.

diddl · 16/12/2018 22:43

"But apparently we should have told them we were trying."

They only people who ever knew that we were ttc were me & my husband.

Can't see why you'd tell anyone else for fear of them keep asking if you were pregnant yet.

meow1989 · 16/12/2018 22:46

Wowser, they're ridiculous!

thefinn · 16/12/2018 22:46

I'm amazed at this... that's so batshit crazy. Hope they get over themselves soon x

thefinn · 16/12/2018 22:52

Oh posted too soon, congrats on the baby and them waiting a year of course has no bearing on anything, not like you asked them to.

Oldbutstillgotit · 16/12/2018 22:53

One of my friends is to be a first time Granny in March . Obviously she was thrilled when she found out but that changed a few weeks ago when she discovered that her brother’s DIL is expecting her first baby in June . There has been a huge argument as my friend ( who can be a bit tricky!) feels they should have waited and let her DD be the centre of attention !

mooncuplanding · 16/12/2018 22:54

I'll never get over how utterly pathetic some people are about the most wanky trivial things

And I don't mean you OP

'Stop the world, this woman is having a baby'.

I can only imagine what her Insta page is going to be like.