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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don't need to plan my family around BIL's?!

128 replies

mistletoeandwine86 · 16/12/2018 21:04

DS has just turned 2. I am pregnant again with DC2 due in May. BIL and SIL are due with their first baby in Jan.

DH has just got back from seeing them today, DS and I were going to go to but DS has chickenpox. DH told me that him and BIL argued a little because they were/ are still a bit put out that I got pregnant again quite quickly after they announced SIL was pregnant.

We were actually already ttc for DC2 when they announced their pregnancy. I was certainly not going to just stop ttc just because they announced they were having a baby. I actually made a comment about how nice it will be that the babies/cousins a few weeks ago. It never occurred to me that it would be a problem or they would feel this way. Xmas Shock But apparently they waited until our DS was 1 before they started ttc!

So were we BU??

OP posts:
grinchmas · 16/12/2018 21:17

YANBU by the way!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 16/12/2018 21:18

Stop the press! Woman is pregnant. Bet they will be all pfb! I hope that they realise that other babies will have the temerity to even be born on the same day as theirs. Tell them it won't matter too much as you don't plan to spend too much time with them as they are clearly weird pfb parents.

8misskitty8 · 16/12/2018 21:19

Sounds like what happened to my friend and her bil/sil.
She announced her 2nd pregnancy then days later the bil/sil announced their 1st.
The bil/sil were very angry that my friend was pregnant and due around the same time.
The sil actually said that my friend should have told them they were trying ( why is my friends sex life any of their business ?)

The bil/sil said my friend was selfish as they had been trying for a while and my friend had ruined the pregnancy.
The pregnancy’s were announced in the November but the bil/sil only met in the June !

AdaColeman · 16/12/2018 21:20

Well. I've never heard anything so ridiculous!

mayhew · 16/12/2018 21:20

I knew two sisters who planned their pregnancies alternately. But they ran a business together so it was sensible!

Fatted · 16/12/2018 21:21

Is there a lot of sibling rivalry in their family?

One of my DSIS and I have pretty much done everything around the same time. Moved out within few months of one another, got engaged around similar times, got married within a year of each other and there was 8 months between our DC being born. I've never felt any ill towards her and she's never mentioned any towards me. But my DSIS and I have always been close and our parents never really played us off against each other. If it had been my DB and I, well that might have been a different story.

Imalittleelf · 16/12/2018 21:21

Batshit they are

My brother had a baby 6 months after I had mine. Both our firsts. I was over the moon for them. He was even present for my early labour and was one of the first to hold my baby.

We support each other and are happy for each other.... like normal people....

It is lovely that the 2 will grow up together if they let the child know you! Unfortunalty my brother doesn't live near so we don't have that chance.

Good luck op.

homegrownmumma · 16/12/2018 21:24

How childish ,you don't have a baby to get attention you have a baby because you want one , ignore them and don't worry about there feelings being hurt

DeeOK · 16/12/2018 21:26

That's insane. Obviously it's nice for cousins to be close in age (My dd has a cousin 3 months older). Plus it's literally none of their business whether you get pregnant or not

bibbitybobbityyhat · 16/12/2018 21:30

Not really?

Miggeldy · 16/12/2018 21:31

They're obviously certifiable.
If that's all they have to worry about in life, they're doing well.
Tell them to jog on.

MissRhubarb · 16/12/2018 21:35

"Apparently they are worried that it steals their limelight"

FFS, who do they think they are - Beyonce?

DartmoorDoughnut · 16/12/2018 21:37

Man they are going to be so PFB

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/12/2018 21:38

"Apparently they are worried that it steals their limelight, they waited till our DS was 1 because they didn't want to steal ours!"
Limelight? Batshit. Most people have children because they want children; not because they want attention.

BunsOfAnarchy · 16/12/2018 21:38

Fuckin batshit crazy people out there!

PaintingOwls · 16/12/2018 21:43

apparently they waited until our DS was 1 before they started ttc!

They are insane.

What fresh hell?

So based on that, it took them 9 months to conceive anyway after waiting a year.

My mind is boggled.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 16/12/2018 21:43

What I don’t understand is that normally when one half of a couple has a temporary mental moment, the other half has the wherewithal to give them a bit of a pep talk and gently suggest they are being a bit unreasonable. The fact that they’re both refusing to let it go is shockingly immature.

My SIL and I have been lapping pregnancies for the last two years- me with dc1, her with dc2, now me again with dc2. We’re just delighted that the kids will be close in age with their cousins, because we’re normal...

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 16/12/2018 21:44

Yes because having a baby is all about the 'limelight'! Some people just like to be angry, and have to find pathetic things to be offended by

DanielRicciardosSmile · 16/12/2018 21:47

Some people are very odd. I was told off by a coworker because I fell pregnant 3 months after she did. She said I was spoiling her pregnancy. Confused

Celebelly · 16/12/2018 21:52

I'm pregnant with my first and my sister in law is about a month behind me with her second, and the first thing I thought after they told us was how lovely it will be to have two babies so close in age! It didn't cross my mind that it would make our experience less special in any way, because it won't.

They sound self-absorbed and precious.

GinasGirl · 16/12/2018 21:52

We had this! Wasn't just the BIL and SIL though. My MIL made it clear she thought us getting pregnant first even though we got married after BIL and SIL was 'not how it's done' and that we should have waited.

TwinMummy1510 · 16/12/2018 21:53

Offer to stick a cork up there and make the baby to hang on for a few more months. Ask them when would be acceptable for you to birth. That should sort it.

Celebelly · 16/12/2018 21:54

Maybe for Christmas they can give you a calendar that shows when you're allowed to have life events to fit in with their schedule.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 16/12/2018 21:56

They’re mad! But also maybe they were hoping to borrow your first child’s castoffs etc, which you probably won’t loan as you’ll need it for your new baby.

Torple · 16/12/2018 21:57

My SiL barely tolerates me because, and I know this to be true as she told me herself, not only did I have my DD before her first child was born, despite her having been married for a year longer, but my DS was born the day after her DD’s fifth birthday, which means she can’t have a birthday weekend any more, only a birthday-day.

But having said that, she’s nuts and I go out of my way to avoid her, so it’s all good (and no, she isn’t mentally ill, she’s just an entitled brat, before anyone picks me up on it).